Nonsense & Drivel

the beginning spiral

I write things down on scrapes of paper to take my mind away from the here and now. Robert DeNiro stares at me from accross the isle and I shrug my shoulders becuase I know he can't do anything no matter how good he looked in his 20s.

My thoughts:

Damn. That is a good looking man. No. Not DeNiro, the actual man. The real one standing beside DeNiro. He's got a chisled jaw. Heavy eye-brows; a symmetrical face. I think that's what they call a good looking man these days. I don't know really, I've never really met one. They're a tad elusive.

"Your voice is very pleasing to listen to," she says and smiles, she's a lady and she reminds me of Carole Lombard, Myna Loy and Lana Turner all in one. She must be a bit of a dream. But no she's real, I know mostly becuase she has some lipstick on her teeth. Still she goes on about my voice, "You articulate well and you'd make an excellent speaker." I smile and then she says, "And you have a gap in your front teeth, I particularly like that. You wear it well."

The beautiful man is walking over to me. My thoughts:

I am going to be chic. Classic. I will blow him away, away away. He will love me. Love me so good. And I will love him and we will be perfection together. The world won't see us coming. We'll take it by storm. The best duo since...since Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers. Yes that was a lovely duo. They're dancing is beautiful and her hair was quite blond, his was quite slick. Blond and slick. Well we'd not be blond and slick. I mean I have more hair than he does.

I wish I could tap dance.

He passes by me and plants a kiss on an equally beautiful man. Of course.

This must be an out of body experience becuase I used to be frustrated with this type of thing. Or maybe my heart is frozen. Or maybe I don't exist in this time, I exist somewhere else...somewhere beyond what I've seen and that's why this doesn't goad me so much as it should.

We each have our demons to deal with and I write down this little drips and drivels to remind myself that I am here and now. To make my unconsious soul shake a little as it wakes up and begins the spiral into every day life.

My thoughts:

I am happy for them and their happiness.