Goin' to Jackson { Jackson Wang Series }

Chapter 5

Jen looked intently at Jackson's profile. He was busy texting, so she had the perfect opportunity to study his features without being detected. His skin was smooth and poreless, and his straight nose featured two perfectly almond-shaped nostrils. Suddenly, he burst out laughing, throwing his head back against the headboard of the hotel bed.

"Check out this meme your mom sent me," he said, turning the phone toward Jen.

Jen didn't even look at the screen, but instead set her jaw firmly. "Why are you texting with my mom?" she asked as irritation tinged her voice.

"Your mom's great!" he said, failing to answer her question.

"Oh, my gosh," she sighed. "I knew I was going to regret giving you her number. You guys don't need to be texting each other without my knowledge."

"Come on, she's your mom. I'm not texting another girl or anything," he reasoned.

"Even still, it's weird," said Jen as she got up and walked to the door. "I'm going to get some ice. Just hang out here. I won't be long." She opened the door, and was almost in the hallway, when she peeked back in and said, "And stop texting my mom. Seriously!"

Jackson made no response, but merely waved his hand in a gesture of dismissal as he burst out laughing again. Jen shook her head. This guy is impossible, she thought, but she was secretly pleased that Jackson was making such an effort to bond with her family even though he had not met them yet.

Jen opened the ice bin and scooped two heaping mounds of ice cubes into a little bucket lined with a plastic bag. She was surprised they even had an ice machine given that Asians didn't usually care for their drinks to be ice cold. She was glad for the ice, though. Sometimes the heat was so intense that she would hold an ice cube to the back of her neck until the cool water would run down her back.

Her phone vibrated in her pocket. She pulled it out to see that she had just received a text. "Oh, boy," she said as she read it. It was a reply about her inquiry into a teaching position in Guanajuato, Mexico. She hadn't mentioned to Jackson that her job search had spread beyond Asia to Mexico as well. Her father's family still lived there, and she thought it might be nice to work there and still be around family. She would be with her extended family and it would save her having to go home and admit defeat. She had said she would be abroad for at least three years. If she returned after only a year and a half, she would have to admit that they had been right to doubt that she could last that long away from home. If there was one thing Jen hated, it was admitting a defeat.

And it's not going to happen, she vowed inwardly. I'm going to see this through and have the adventure I want in my life before I settle down to have kids and get stuck somewhere for good. At that moment, however, the thought of telling Jackson her news was her biggest concern. She had warned him that her time on tour would end if she got a job offer, but she wondered if he had ever really been paying attention when she had said it.

She opened the door to find Jackson scrolling through Instagram. He scrolled quickly, hardly taking the time to savor the images. Occasionally, he would pause and hit "like," and immediately begin to scroll again. Jen set the bucket of ice by the sink and sat down on the bed beside Jackson. She touched his hand gently.

"Can you put the phone down for a minute?" she asked.

"Sure," he said, laying the phone on the white duvet.

"Um, while I was out, I got a text about a job offer," Jen ventured hesitantly.

"Oh," was his only reply. He grabbed one of the pillows and held it in front of his chest like a fluffy shield.

"Yeah, it's a position in Mexico, close to where my dad's family lives. I would be teaching English in a public high school. It sounds pretty cool and I would be close to my grandparents, and my aunts and uncles, and all my cousins," she added hopefully.

"Oh," he repeated.

He gripped the pillow tightly, his brown eyes wide with apprehension. Jen leaned up against the headboard with him and put her arm around his neck.

"I mean, I had said all this time that I would take an offer if I got one," Jen said, feeling defensive even though she knew she hadn't done anything wrong.

"I know. I just thought you wanted to stay in Asia," he replied with a slight crack in his voice.

"Yeah, well, that was my plan, but then, I heard about this great company that was hiring English teachers in Latin America and I decided to broaden my search. This company really fits my values. They send native-speakers of English all over Latin America to equip the next generation to handle the demands of a global economy."

"My God, it sounds like you're reading from a brochure," observed Jackson as he buried his head in the pillow. "I'm just not ready for you to go yet." His tone revealed deep pain and anxiety. As he sat gripping the pillow with all his might, he looked so much younger. That little-boy face almost threatened to undo Jen's resolve.

"Listen, I'm only signing a one-year contract with them. I'm not getting tied up with this company for years. I'll have freedom to do something else when I finish the year," she said calmly. She hoped her tone would soothe that desperate look in his eyes.

"What if I paid you to teach English to the crew members here on tour?" he questioned, opening his eyes still wider.

"Jackson," Jen sighed. "We already talked about this. I don't feel comfortable taking money from a man. I said I would come on the tour with the clear boundary that I don't work for you."

Jackson bit his lip and wiped at a stray tear that had managed to escape the corner of his eye. "I just thought we would have more time," he said, throwing the pillow aside and drawing his knees to his chest. He rocked gently back-and-forth, holding himself as tightly as he could.

Jen drew him closer and lay his head on her shoulder. He snuggled in close and wriggled several times before he settled into a comfortable position. She stroked his silky hair and whispered into his ear. "It's going to be OK. You're busy. You'll be alright. You'll see," she assured him.

"I just don't understand why you are doing this," he murmured into her neck. "You don't need the work right now. You could stay here and just relax. We've been having a really good time. Why do you have to go?"

"Listen," she whispered. "I have had the best time of my life these past few months just hanging out here with you --- going to your concerts, reading books, watching cat videos on YouTube." The cat video comment elicited a half smile from Jackson's pain-stricken face. "But I'm not the kind of girl who can just sit around forever. I want to use my training. I want to make a difference in this world."

"A difference?" he replied. "You make a difference to ME," he said as he sat up to look her in the eye.

"I know, but this is a chance to teach underprivileged kids in Mexico. I'm sure you can see how they need me more than you do," Jen countered.

"So, I'm the selfish bastard who wants to keep you here when you could be out saving the world?" he questioned.

"I never said you were selfish," Jen said, reaching out to touch his cheek.

"You didn't have to," he replied as he removed her hand from his cheek and place it back on her lap.