A Fan Fiction of When Calls the Heart - Season 8

Chapter One

I just watched as the carriage came slowly in towards Hope Valley.  The thought that Nathan could be hurt or even killed was starting to cause me anxiety.  It just brought me feelings of Jack.  How hard it was to hear about his death.  Nathan over time has become someone I admire and of course, I admire him for raising his niece being a single man. 

As it came closer, I could see in a distance Nathan walking and all I could think about was how relieved I was.  I felt like this was how I felt when I worried about Jack coming home.  My heart was racing, I could feel it pounding against my chest. The adrenaline or relief and all I could do was just run to him and hug him.  I just ran and before I knew it, I slammed into his chest to hug him.  So many emotions were happening, I just could not control them.  More so of Jack, that is all I could think about was at that moment... Jack and how much I missed him. At the same time as much as Nathan had come to mean to me as a friend, I could not imagine being with him.  Someone else has my attention and those feelings and emotions were all so different. 

As I began to try and move away, now feeling embarrassed for such behavior in front of the whole town.  I could see a smirk on Nathan's face looking down at me and I could tell he felt relief as I hugged him.  I stood back and said "I'm so sorry, I am so thankful you're okay.  I was so worried." He held my hand and said, "I'm okay and happy now that you're here."

I looked around feeling as though I just made a huge mistake based on my anxiety and all my feelings towards Jack.  Everyone was staring and thinking of how I just threw myself at Nathan.  The one-man that mattered most at that moment after knowing that Nathan was okay, was Lucas.  I could see his sadness in his eyes.  As I looked right at him, he looked away and began to walk away towards the saloon.  At that very moment, with all the relief that Nathan was safe, I now felt that I had just done the worse thing possible.  I led Nathan on to believe there was more than a friendship and Lucas to feel that I did not have feelings towards him.  I felt a sinking feeling in my stomach, thinking of how Lucas was feeling after he saw me run to Nathan.  I was truly feeling awful at this very moment.

I have feelings for both men, but one just tugs my heart stings more.  I had the most wonderful dinner with Lucas last night, and he made me feel so alive. I was starting to feel myself falling for him while he made me feel that the most beautiful woman in Hope Valley.  He is absolutely a handsome man, any woman can see he is easy on the eyes, but best of all is that he is a perfect gentleman.  He has so much depth to him, he is so caring and fun.  He shows me he truly cares for me and little Jack.  He puts us first before anything else and tries so hard to make me just smile. Him believing in my writing and inspiring me to write again.  The only other person who believed in me this much was Jack. I truly hope I have not ruined the special moment we had the night before.

I absolutely loved Jack and would never forget him.  He is always on my mind as a constant throughout my day and Little Jack is a definite reminder of him all the time.  I have been so blessed to have had Jack in my life and he gave me the most beautiful gift, our child.

I am not looking for a man to replace Jack, he could never be replaced by anyone.  But over time I have thought about how wonderful it would be to start opening my heart up.  Letting someone in and that he be there for me and little Jack.  I do not need someone to take care of me, but just to be there and make memories with me and Little Jack full of love and laughter.

During this past year, I have been allowing myself to let in a bit of romance.  Nathan is a bit closed off and I do feel a pull towards him, I must admit that. He is very shy around me at times especially when I can see he is trying to let me into his heart.  He seems guarded as though he has a past where he has been hurt before.  He has never opened himself up to me and I dared never to ask questions, as it would not be my place to do so.  He is a single man, raising his 10-year-old niece and doing what is best for her.  That alone is very admirable and makes him a man any single woman here in Hope Valley would want.  He manages a very dangerous job and comes home to be there for Allie, giving her support as he is her only family. He has the experience of being a parent and knowing the responsibility of being one.