Dear Katie,
its been awhile.
its 2:30 and your pissing me off. Again. Why can't you just leave me alone? Why do your memories haunt me?
God fuck Katie.
I needed you.
I need you.
Everything is complete shit and I can't stand it.
Everyone who says they are real, aren't.
I hate these tears, this blood, my fears.
Katie, how's my baby girl ?
Please tell me she is okay. I keep thinking. Thinking about what would be different. If she was still here. If you were still here. But maybe its better she's not. I don't deserve her. Just like I didn't deserve you.
Is that why you left me?
Is that why everyone leaves?
God, even drinking isn't helping.
I wish you were here.
It should've been me..
You would've been a much better person than I ever was, or am.
I'm hurting,
I need you..
~Aria
I'm so tired.
Dear Katie,
I'm so tired. Of being anxious. Of being afraid. Hurt. I don't want them to find me. All these secrets. Too many to keep up with..
I wish. I want.
I wish I could trust. I want to stop running.
I wish, I want what I can never have.
God Fuck.
My favorite words.
All this bullshit.
Numb.
I just want to feel something.
I want someone to feel my nothingness. Because no one understands. Even the people I do trust, even the people I even remotely give a shit about, they don't understand. You were the only one who did.
Love ? you never found it and neither will i .
Everyone wants it. Why shouldn't I ?
Again with my wants..
I'm a shellfish bitch.
Trade places.
I will never stop feeling guilty. I will never stop thinking. Or wishing.
My baby, Katie. Take care of her.
Some people say I will see you again someday.
Do I even deserve too?
~Aria
