Self Medicated ( Vic Fuentes )

One Hundred Sleepless Nights

annabelle

As the tears silently streamed down my face, he held my small trembling hands in his, and slowly rubbed his thumbs against the bottoms of mine.

"What the fuck did i do wrong Vic. Whatever it is i can fix it, please, please just don't do this to me. Please i need you, i love you so fucking much, just please don't do this," i pleaded my head spinning, my mind still trying to comprehend what was going on.

"Belle its not you, its me. I know how fucking cliché that sound buts its the truth. I just, i just feel like with the way everything going right now, with the band, with me, with us, with everything, we should just do this, and get it over with the right way before something happens. Im going on tour for 4 months next week. 4 fucking months Belle. Im going to be away from you for so long and its just. Im going to be doing nothing but holding you back. You even said it yourself you need me and that the exact problem. I'm not going to be here. You need some one who can be there for you in person not over a fucking screen. This is for the best, please just believe me," he said with tears building up in his big brown eyes.

"Your not Vic, please believe me. Your not holding me back from anything. Right now, doing this, the only thing you're holding me back from is being with you. Your the only guy that i want and no matter how fucked up our relationship may be, i don't need anything else as long as i still have you. Even if that mean us only seeing each other over a-" i managed to say between sobs before he cut me off.

"Please Belle just believe me, you probably don't see now, but me letting you go is the hardest thing I've ever done. But i know that in the end, we'll both realize that its the best decision. Its the only thing that will make us truly happy," he said as one tear slowly slipped out and ran down his cheek.

"But Vic, you make me happy, i cant be happy if I'm not with you. I know i may be holding on too tight but just please listen to me. Please don't do this," i begged him with tears still uncontrollably falling from my eyes.

"I'm sorry Belle but i cant, i just cant do this to you. Just think about it like this," he said closing his eyes and taking a deep breath.

"Out of sight, out of mind, I was never even there, " he said slowly and with that he dropped my hands and walked out the door.

And with that the love of my life left me just when I thought he was mine.

As I sat up in bed sweating from the nightmare/flashback i looked over at the the clock and 4:32 am showed up in red lights.

I was slightly shocked because of the fact that i slept for almost five hours. I rarely ever slept anymore with my constant nightmares always keeping me awake.

I laid in my bed, silently staring at the celling for close to half an hour before slowly
pulling off my comforter and walking towards the bathroom. I looked at my reflection in the bathroom mirror and almost cringed at what i saw. My hair was a tangled mess and eyeliner and mascara was smeared under my eyes. I quickly washed my face and turned on the shower before taking off my clothes and stepping in.

As i slowly massaged shampoo into my once blonde but now black hair i closed my eyes and the only thing that i could think of was him.

Him.

Vic.

Victor Vincent Fuentes.

The one person that i actually loved.

The one person that i actually trusted.

The one person i could tell anything to.

The one person who was always there for me.