Burning love

Chapter 12

Life was dreary. Weeks had passed, but it felt like years to Sam. Everyday was the same, and even the thought of summer didn't cheer him up. They were over for sure. He knew it in his heart, but kept thinking maybe. Sometimes he had dreams, other times he would lay awake and imagine Kris wad laying next to him. He began to daydream it so real, that he would have to check if Kris wasn't really there. But he never was. He felt alive when he thought Kris was next to him, but the second he was back in reality, he felt himself dissolve. He tried to cling onto him, but the pain that followed after was crippling. Kris was like mist that he could never catch ahold of. He had finally told Kris that he loved him, but in the worst circumstances possible. He felt empty, drained and tired. Constantly tired. He tried not to show it too much to Lizzie, but she quickly caught on something had gone on between him and Kris. She hung out with him more than ever, and brought him food when he didn't want to get out of bed. He tried to focus on better things, but that was the problem; Kris was the best thing. They had been doing so good, too.
He talked to Margo often, and she was his landline to Kris. She had started becoming friends with Kris, and since Sam had seen them hanging out together, he had also started talking to Margo. She informed him about Kris' life, and in a way, became an unexpected friend. When he was at his lowest, even so bad that he didn't let Lizzie see, he called Margo. And somehow she knew just how he felt. He suspected it was because of something happening between her and Jana, but he didn't push it, or even have the energy to. His daily updates made him happy, if only for a moment. Because he could be doing all these things with Kris. But he wasn't. And it was his own fault.
Jana had definitely noticed they no longer held hands, or even neared each other. She had a smug smile on her face whenever she saw Sam, and even sometimes came up to him and asked if she was okay. It was all lies, but he bit his tongue and went along.
****
Kris tried everything.
He had gotten high for the first time with Margo and then many times since then. He had also drank his moms' alcohol, which she never noticed because she had never thought she would need to check. Now maybe she should have. He compulsively masturbated, and did anything he could to distract himself all times a day. Because every time his mind was unoccupied, he spiralled. His thoughts were a dark pattern, and chased each other in obnoxious circles over and over and over again. He couldn't sleep, and his mother had noticed it quick. He had told her about the breakup, and Kris had at first thought that she would be thrilled and would try to introduce him to a new girl. But she was actually really sad. She didn't comfort him of course, but she told him to relax, and that it would pass. He felt as though he might cry alone from those words.
He thought about calling, texting but he didn't he held firm. This was it. This would save him from pain, and would get him out of this relationship. It was toxic. No good. But his heart felt differently. He thought about what sam had said...he had admitted he loved him. But was that true? Or did he just say that to bring him back? Every night was a struggle for peace of mind.
In the middle of all this, was Margo. Margo herself was coping well with the loss of Jana. Still, she thought about her daily. But some part of her knew that they never would've worked; that had been the beauty of it. And as they grew over the years, she came to realize Jana wasn't the type of person she wanted in her life, after all. Though painful, she was getting through it. Part of it was juggling sam and kris on alternating ends. She had calls from sam, and texts from kris and then had to inform Sam about kris, and then smoke with kris. This was very exhausting, and she also couldn't help but feel as though she had ruined the relationship herself. If only she hadn't mentioned it...
She sighed and checked her phone to a trail of texts from sam.
Help.
What do I do?
I'm going crazy.
Would you talk to Kris for me? I hate the way we left things...
Margo typed back, Tell him yourself.
I can't.
Why?
He hates me.
He loves you.
Did he say that?
I can tell.
I really messed up.
Me too. It was a bad plan.
Did you end up talking to Jana?
Margo paused and typed back, No. Shes not the type of person I want anymore.
Oh. I'm sorry.
I want something like what you and Kris have.
Fights?
True love. I know you two will be back together.
Something about this sentence felt right to Jana, an she knew sam felt it too. This was too small for them to break up over. She had the urge to help them, and something close to friendship.
You should talk to him, really.
How?
Apologize.
He won't listen.
Make him listen. Do something dramatic.
There was silence on the other end. Margo hoped that was a good sign.
****
Sam was hyperventilating. He was nervous beyond compare. It was as if Margo's texts had sparked something long asleep. A spark of hope. Of making it right. She was right, this was too small to break them up. They would get through it. He had to believe it. Margo saw it, and clearly Jana did too based on her display. He had to make it up somehow. And no matter what, he needed his feelings out. He couldn't focus on dressing, or making his hair presentable. He had to do it now, or he would lose his nerve forever. He rushed downstairs, passing his parents and Lizzie. She smirked at him, and somehow he felt that she knew. He hadn't gotten out of bed in days, and now he was running full speed down a road he knew too well. He felt alive, and the adrenaline didn't subside. Soon he was outside Kris' cream coloured house, staring at the front window. He dashed down and smashed two rocks to his window, and the sound made a loud ping. He watched as someone shuffled inside, but didn't come out. He sighed. Sam pulled out his phone, and played I wanna love you, loud and clear.
It had been the song that they had heard the first night in the club. Kris had mentioned it later as "their" song. He pushed up the volume, and saw someone shuffle again. He threw two more rocks at the window, and Kris peered out with a sigh. His eyes lifted for just a moment with hope, and Sam held onto that. Then they returned to disgust.
"Kris!"
He was silent.
"Remember our song?"
Kris looked at him absently. Sam breathed, he knew it would be hard.
"Remember by the lake? When you said I was the only one you could talk to?"
"Not anymore."
"Talk to me now."
Kris turned to close the window, but sam yelled fearfully.
"Do you love me?"
Kris was taken aback and had to process that. He said nothing.
"Do you feel like you can always talk to me? Am I the one who makes your life feel alive? Am I the one you want to see all the time, the one that you never forget? You're that for me."
Kris hesitated for a moment, and then closed the window. With disappointment, Sam paused the music and thought how he could get Kris to come out. But a few moments later, Kris emerged from his front door. Sam tried not to give away his pleasure.
"I've felt dead for the last weeks...I miss you. And I'm sorry. I'm seriously, sorry. Sorry that I needed you so badly, I was willing to hurt Jana. Ive never felt this way before. This need...this obsession." He looked plainly into Kris' eyes.  "I love you. And I've loved you for a while."
Kris' eyebrows came together like they do during math. He was conflicted.
"You're a dick. And selfish." He said finally.
Sam nodded.
"But you're right."
"About what?"
"I do love you."
Sam held his breath, and then came closer to Kris. He didn't pull back. They kissed. It was different than their others, aggressive and hot. This one was soft, like a welcome back.
****
A FEW MONTHS LATER...
Sam was getting ready blissfully, and didn't hear Margo's question five times.
"What is up with you?"
Sam smirked. "I'll call you later. I'm going on such a cute date!"
Margo squealed. "I'm so happy."
"You know, we could double date if you finally bagged Maya."
Margo rolled her eyes on call. "I'm working on it."
"She's definitely into you."
"Aren't you supposed to be getting ready?"
Sam sighed. He was going on a long promised picnic date, and he had been waiting for weeks. The last weeks have been busy with finals, and now that the break had stated, Sam had a whole list of things to do.
"Okay call me later! Bye." The phone hung up and Sam was almost ready. Today he had jean shorts and a nice green vest. He hoped Kris was wearing something nice. He told his mom he was heading out, and made his way to the park.
The park was gorgeous during summer, it was bright and full of life. Today, though, it was almost empty. A few kids ran around near the playground, but the mother impatiently pulled them home. It was pretty secluded, and Sam was glad.
Near the trees, there was a blue blanket laid down where kris sat, nose deep in his phone. Sam snuck up on him and got a satisfying shriek from kris as he sat down.
"You're so easy."
They unpacked the food, and dove in. Sam was ripping into the chips when Kris cleared his throat and motioned for him to turn. Sam did so, and Kris revealed a little pink cake in hand. Sam melted, and then even more so when he read the frosted writing.
Happy 4 months, Sam.
Sam's face drained. He had forgotten. But he smiled none the less and almost teared up.
"I'm sorry I don't have a present for you," Sam said.
"I'm just happy you're here."
"It's so beautiful. I love picnics."
"And since it's our anniversary, I have another present."
"Stop! That's too much, come on. You know I don't mind."
"This present is for both of us."
"Okay? Show me!" It was strange to think how their relationship had progressed. Once, they were two boys that struggled to even show any sign of their true selves, and now Kris was buying him cakes and holding his hand.
"I think I'm ready."
Sam's eyebrows pulled together. "For what?"
"To have sex with you." He leaned in and whispered this even though there was no one else there.
Sam's heart instantly sped up and he felt his pulse quicken.
"You sure?"
Kris nodded. Sam smiled and then leaned into a deep kiss.
Before long, they were a tangle of tongues and hands, gripping, gasping for air. Maybe in another circumstance Kris would have been mortified, but he didn't care.
They pulled away and smiled. Kris dove into a slice of cake, as Sam caressed his shorts. Kris jumped up.
"Wait! What are you doing?"
"You said you wanted to." Sam caressed with more pressure, making Kris moan lightly.
"Stop! It's a park."
Sam rolled his eyes. "So?"
"So...there are people here?"
"Come on, we're by the trees, it's dark here. And we have a blanket." Sam smirked, sending a shiver down Kris' spine. His condescending smile was enough to make him consider. But common sense took over.
"We can't."
"That's too bad...I'm already hard."
Kris shivered lightly, and before long let Sam climb on top of him. He groaned with the added pressure, and let Sam glide back and forth gently. He felt the pressure build in his pants, and when sam climbed off, he whimpered.
"This is a public park, after all." Sam said devilishly.
Kris rolled his eyes and climbed on top of Sam. They grinded for a moment, as sam felt the pressure build once again. Sam went to undo Kris' pants and began to suck slowly. Kris felt heavenly, and his eyes rolled back. In the back of his mind was the fact that anyone could see them, but he didn't care. He felt himself lighten under Sam's touch, and felt a way he had never before. There was something about loving sam and seeing him like this that made it even better. After a few moments, Sam went to undo his pants, and bent over seductively.
Kris felt a sense of importance, and he couldn't mess this up. He slid into Sam with confidence, and the heavenly feeling continued. He gently pulsed back and froward, thrusting.
Sam could feel every inch, and cherished it pridefully. The fact that he had convinced Kris to do this boggled his mind. Still, he was happy he did.
Before long, they were finishing and crying in delight, and Kris prayed that no one heard. He lay on the grass beside Sam, silently thinking.
"How was it?" He asked sam.
"Amazing." He kissed him lightly and they stared at the sky together.
They began to kiss lightly again, and this time, it was not one of deep passion, or forgiveness. It was one of comfort. The comfort of being in each other's arms, the comfort of simply knowing all was right.