If I must?

Chapter One - Breathe

The piercing tone of my phone alarm breaks through my dreamless rest. I clearly wasn't sleeping very well if I hadn't been asleep deep enough to even dream. I suppose my nerves are getting the better of me even when I'm unconscious. Good to know.

Wiping the sleep from the inner corners of eyes, I stretch before forcing the duvet off my body. It felt like i'd imagine a baby feels when it's forced out from the womb. So warm and comfortable and then bam! Cold.

Shivering a little, I grab my cardigan and wrap it round my shoulders before sliding my arms in. I rearrange the pillows and begin tucking the duvet back in around the sides of the bed.

I pride myself on making my bed everyday. No matter what, I always make sure it is the first thing I do in the morning. It makes the rest of my day feel grounded and a little more organised. And I needed that today.

Wandering into the kitchen of my small apartment, I flicked the kettle on and grabbed the bread from the side counter. I have the same breakfast every morning. Cup of tea with 2 slices of toast with marmite. It's ever so British I know. When I first moved to America, people thought I was absolutely mad.

I moved here when I left University in England. I'd lived there all my life, but I wanted to work in the film industry, so I came to the conclusion that moving here to the US, where all the famous film companies are, would be a good move.

Finishing my breakfast, I checked my emails.

- New mail (24) -

I never really get many emails. Most are promotions from the various online clothing stores I have accounts with, pestering me with sale alerts.

I spot one from my new boss.

Today was going to be my first day on the set of 'Ratched'. I was incredibly lucky to have connections over here that allowed personal contact with directors like Ryan Murphy. He is truly incredible, and i've admired so many of his projects, from American Horror Story to Ratched.

I've loved some of his darker, more macabre works and I'm so excited to be a part of one at last. Considering i'm only 26, it's such an opportunity for me.

The email read as follows.
"Hi Y/N, Just a heads up, no need to be nervous about today, you'll just be meeting the crew and some of the cast to get comfortable. Just get to know everyone and settle in. Your uncle tells me so many good things about you and I'm sure you'll be just fine. I have a meeting with you at 10:20 this morning so i'll talk to you more then ok? Fab. Also could you please ask your Uncle to get back to me. He'll know what it's about - Ryan

It's still so strange getting emails from Ryan Murphy speaking to me as if i'm a casual friend. It's actually my uncle who's he's been lifelong friends with. They went to school together and have been inseparable since. My uncle's close relationship with him is the reason why I've been able to show Ryan my portfolio and why he chose me to work with.

I like to think it's mostly my amazing cinematography portfolio that lead him to choose me  but whatever the reason, I'm very grateful.

Ryan told me not to be nervous but the reality is that of course I'm going to be. I'll be meeting and working near my ultimate celebrity crush for one! Just the thought of Sarah Paulson possibly becoming an acquaintance of mine is mind boggling. Truly.

Taking a deep breath to try and relax myself, I clear up in the kitchen and head back into my bedroom to get dressed. Something nice, but not too nice. But not too casual either. I'm overthinking but I really need to get going soon if I want to make the meeting with Ryan.

I choose a pair of baggy blue jeans and and a black long sleeved cropped top. I definitely look the part of a 26 year old, that's for sure. I feel weird if I look too put together so I throw my hair up in a low messy bun and make sure to put all my rings on. I feel naked without my rings. My earrings too.

Satisfied with the person looking back at me in the mirror, I check the time. Crap! It's already 9:55. I have to do my makeup yet and call a cab. There's no way I'm gonna get to the meeting on time.

Speeding through my makeup routine in less than 10 minutes, I must make sure my eyeliner is impeccable. Otherwise what kind of gay am I?

I throw my doc martins on and cram a bag with a spare hoodie, bottle of water, some paracetamol, a lip balm and a phone charger. Sure, I probably won't need half of that but you can never be over prepared. I like to be organised.

About to leave, I check myself as I open my apartment door. You can do this. You'll be fine. It will all be great. Just don't embarrass yourself in front of Sarah Paulson and you'll live.

I step out into the hallway and call the cab company.