THE ONE MY SOUL LOVES

Chapter Two

Sarah stopped by Chigoneka market to buy vegetables and gizzards for dinner before heading home to the guest wing she and Bongani lived in. The guest wing, together with the four-bedroomed house in the compound, was part of Bongani's late parents' estate. A year ago, he had forced his way onto the property and demanded that from then on monthly rentals were to be given to him. The tenants of the larger house, Simeon and Joyce Mwale had been on the property seven months when this happened. Still, they paid Bongani his dues without fuss.

Simeon, was the one who had recommended Sarah as a potential interview candidate at PLAK. She was grateful to have people in her life who cared for her wellbeing while still being able to bear the burden of having Bongani as a landlord at the same time. Because the burden was heavy. When they had nothing to eat, Bongani wouldn't hesitate to demand evening meals from his tenants. They were kind enough to oblige without complaint.

Through such embarrassing moments, Sarah built a friendship with Joyce, helping her cook and clean, and also sitting down together to talk. Joyce was in her mid-40's but had two kids in their late twenties. Her story was one of betrayal and restoration. Simeon was not the biological father of their kids but loved them like his own.

'How I found myself with a man like him was God's doing,' was her closing statement to every story she shared about their love.

Sarah wished there was a silver lining to her story with Bongani. There was no silver here. Only a dull grey. What good had Bongani ever brought to her?

'Hello, interview yayenda bwanji?' A familiar voice called to her as she walked into the compound. Joyce was by the patio that overlooked the gate as Sarah came in. She would usually sit on one of the cane chairs outside in the afternoon to chat with whoever came by to visit or read a book. More often than not the said book was a Bible. There she would sit with it, ready to corner anyone with questions regarding their faith in God.

'It was tough,' Sarah replied, standing by the steps that led to the veranda.

'You'll do ok. As far as I know, they're just for show.' Joyce lightly patted the empty chair next to her. Sarah sat.

'I hope they are. I need a miracle.' She sighed and scanned Joyce's patio. She noted three new flowerpots in Joyce's collection. 'You've been busy.'

'When your children are old and grown, there isn't much to do anyways. Did I tell you Gerald is graduating?'

'Yes, and that he's considering not coming back to Malawi.'

That would have been her if her life had turned out differently, Sarah thought to herself. If she had gone abroad to study, she would not have returned either. But she did not go abroad. Why? Bongani. Maybe the distance would've torn them apart but she would have gotten over him. Probably married a white guy. But here she was, years and unfulfilled dreams later, still playing wife to her man-child. Definitely no silver lining to be found.

'I have to go make dinner,' she eventually said, and pointed to her plastic bag.

'Ok. We'll talk later.'

Joyce watched Sarah as she walked away, feeling pity and wishing she didn't bring up the graduation story. She sensed that Sarah had started wallowing in bitterness again. A deep, bottomless bitterness towards Bongani, towards her family, towards God. Naturally, as a mother, Joyce would never consider Bongani the first choice for her own daughter, but at least he tried to provide for Sarah. He was trying to figure things out. She could tell even if Sarah could not. Back before her faith in God, and the wisdom of age, Joyce would have wished, or even advised Sarah to have a child. To strengthen her bond with Bongani, her reasoning would have been. Now all she could do was encourage her and pray. The girl didn't pray as much as Joyce would have wanted but that didn't stop her from trying to talk with the younger woman as much as she possibly could. Sarah seemed to be softening towards her. For Sarah to be free, she had to leave her past behind. She had to forgive herself, and ask for forgiveness as well. It was the only way. Now if only there was a way to get her to see and believe that.

Sarah proceeded home to prepare boiled gizzards, fried, leafy vegetables and nsima. Bongani arrived as she was dishing out the meal. He walked in through the kitchen door, stopped, and stared at the steaming food.

'Where'd you get the money for that?'

He stood by the doorway, ready to turn if he wasn't satisfied with the answer. He held a plastic bag with potatoes and eggs in it.

'The interview today,' Sarah replied as she wiped off the flour that had fallen on the sides of the hotplate. 'They gave me K5,000 as transport refund and I used the money to buy this.'

She side-eyed him as he placed the plastic bag on the floor. He then washed his hands and took his plate to the sitting room.

'I was at the DC's,' he explained, 'Met a friend. He says he can help process the gratuity money quickly.'

'That's nice.'

Sarah couldn't wait until the gratuity issue was resolved so she could stop hearing about it. "Ma had left a fortune," as Bongani would say. To her, it sounded like his excuse for not getting a job.

'Do you think I should give the guy some money?' Bongani asked her.

'Which guy?' Sarah was having her meal in the kitchen, not wanting to have a conversation with him. It wasn't working. Her thoughts were on the job interview. Working in a sales department was never her dream, but if she was successful, doing that would be better than nothing.

'Juma, the one at the DC's! You know, money to motivate him?'

'Let's wait and see.'

She wasn't going to be a part of this. No more money-making schemes with Bongani. No more fighting with his family for a spot running their multiple businesses. She was going to do this on her own now. He walked back to the kitchen with an empty plate.

'I know why you're hesitant. It's because you think this month's rent will be diverted. Don't worry, the money is all yours. Like I promised.' He hugged her from behind and kissed her cheek.

'I'm just tired ok.'

She tried to brush him off. Before all this mess, she would have turned and stood on her toes to hug him. But now... she cringed whenever he got near her. Anything that would make her change her mind, make her desire him, crave his attention and touch, was a hindrance to her plan.

'Tired from what?' Bongani let go of her and rubbed his fists. Her attitude was starting to bother him.

'Tired from walking halfway to town cause the money I had wasn't enough to connect two buses. And then I come back home with food and you question me?'

'You should've told me you needed cash!'

'Really? Really, Bongani? I told you a week ago and you said I should wait!' She knew he was right but she was going to use this to build a case against him anyways. 'You see, this is why I need something to do! When you don't leave anything here, you suspect that I'm getting money from Tricia! Do you even know the last time I spoke with her? You're gone all day, yet you have lunch at your brother's or your friends'! Must I rely on the Mwale's to feed me all the time?'

She hurriedly washed the plates they used and headed for their room, avoiding eye contact in the process. He followed her and found her moving a heap of clothes from their bed to a nearby chair.

'I thought we agreed you're going to start working at the shop?'

'I am not going to be treated like a slave by your family again! I deserve better than this!' She swept her arm across the room. 'Please just let me be!'

She threw herself on the bed and sobbed. Bongani tried to touch her but she moved her body away from his touch. She could feel his hurt. She just needed a few more fights until she could be free of Bongani. For good.