Expectations.

Social Interactions.

I open my window and immediately feel the cool air against my face. It feels nice, considering here in Arizona we get 100° temperatures every day. I close my eyes and take in the breeze, wondering what it would feel like to be a bird, getting to feel this everyday.

I slowly open my eyes and get up from my sitting position. I slump back to my bed and open my phone. TikTok, the place I'm always at, the place I've always been at. TikTok is like my fresh breeze from burning hot reality. Lets be honest, reality sucks. That's why I try to escape it using random funny video's I find on my For You Page, or on occasion, I use Minecraft. I haven't had any friends in a while. That sucks ass.

My 'friends' would either talk behind my back or just be plain rude. If I'm being honest, I hated them. I shut off my phone and immediately went back to my window. I close my eye's, pretending I'm flying in the sky without worry if I'm good enough, or if I'm doing a good job on hiding my sadness. I open my eyes, and stand up, just repeating my actions from earlier. I slowly walk to my bedroom door and go into the kitchen.

"Hey love bug, are you ready for breakfast?" Said my dad, Doug. Pretty stupid name if you ask me. Doug. Like what the fuck?
"Yeah," I begin, monotone, I never give my father any emotions anymore. It takes too much out of me to try and express shit.
"Can I just have cereal? I don't feel like eating anything other than that." Cereal is always my go-to breakfast. It the easiest and I don't have to burden everyone with my requests for pancakes or waffles.
"Love bug, You ask for cereal everyday. I'll make you some eggs."

"Alright." I never really give my dad a hard time with my attitude or behavior. We lost my mom a few years ago. I'm not about to cause my dad any more pain with having to deal with a bad attitude and a death.

My mom died from suicide. She got fed up with me and my sister and just called it quits. But I get it, I was annoying back then, when she was alive. I would always ask for some random thing off the internet. I understand why she left the earth, I would too if I where her.

I snap back into reality from my flashbacks from my childhood and suddenly, I have eggs plated in front of me with salt and a little but of pepper.

"Thanks dad." I pick up my fork and start hacking away at them. They're disgusting to say the least. I always hated eggs, more than I hated my sister. But nobody knows that about me. Nobody cares, nobody cares to know anything about me. The only person who even seemed to care the slightest bit, was my mother. She seemed to care but even though I was only seven I could see through her lies. I could see how much she actually hated me, and it didn't bother me much at all because I was just glad to have someone that pretended they cared.

I finish my eggs and head back to my room without bothering to put my plate into the sink. I open up my bedroom door, close it and lock it, I only lock it because I don't want my demon of a sister coming in. She's only eight but annoying as hell. I sit down in my gaming chair and open discord on my PC. I was in a few servers, I barely talked in any of them. Too much energy.

I sighed. 'why the fuck would someone position themselves in a place with people, and especially talk to people.' I think to myself. People disgust me. I think one of the main reasons I resent everyone is because I'm scared of getting hurt again. Wether that be emotionally or mentally. I'm very self aware, to say the least. I know why I hate my sister, I know why I hate everyone and everything, I know why I don't have friends, and I know a lot of different things about a lot of different people. Although there's one thing I'm still trying to figure out, why the fuck an I so sad? I don't spend time thinking about it. I just let it leave my mind after it pops up.

I close discord after watching a chat for a while. I find it interesting that I can read super fast, probably because of my ADHD. I don't like blaming anything about me on my ADHD, because it's just so stupid that a 'mental illness' can impact someone's life so fucking much. So I pretend it's not even there. but it's one of the side effects so it makes sense.