Drean: The Last Redditor -- A True Story

Chapter 1: The Sad Beginning

          A typical Tuesday afternoon. The icy February air solidified on Drean's pores as they opened up his computer. "Time to bully some poor Quackity offliners," the redditor said, opening up twitch next to the Onlyfans tab. The white light of the screen sent a shock through Drean's system as he rubbed his eyes open. Drean saw there was people in chat and decided, "let me say something racist." 

    Drean had never been known for being kind, but they were tough. they never let his emotions get to them. or so they thought. Drean feels his chest burning as the chat tells them to fuck off, But Drean knew better than to freak out. they knew that chat was right they shouldn't have said those things. but Drean wasn't going to give up that easily. 

    Drean starts to type faster and the room was filled with keyboard clicking and his heavy breathing Drean had always considered themselves edgy. They didn't let his emotions control them. Yet still, the burning rage overcame them. he knew dark humor might get his attention. "everyone is SOFT nowadays," he thought, coming up with just the right thing to get them properly angry...then Drean felt warm liquid running down his cheeks "am I crying?" he thought.

      his superiority complex was evident, yet Drean didn't realize that peechat could see right through his spiteful words chat cracked them, they made Drean feel small powerless and weak Drean aggressively rubbed his eyes, as the wet hot tears smudged against his cheeks in a thin layer, yet it felt nice counteracting the concrete walls of his mother's basement. Drean could think of a good comeback now that everyone had teamed up on the, so they gave a simple, "damn."

    "Barold, it's time for preschool," his mother suddenly called. "EFF OFF, KID FRIENDLY BITCH!" he yelled, and she backed away.  HIS MOTHER COULD SMELL HE DIDN'T TOOK SHOWER LAST NIGHT! "NO INTERNET FOR U YOUNG MAN" SHE SAYS. "do you want me to take out the chainsaw mom," Drean threatened, & she left. Drean quickly fanned his face with his now slightly sticky hands, and tried to cover up the emotions that had left them in the form of water droplets down his face.  Fear rose up in Drean's face, and the embarrassment could be seen by the shade his cheeks had gone. "I have never watched spongebob," he tried to brag in chat, but everyone was just quoting him: "I have never watched spongebob quackyBald ."

      Drean felt the shame and isolation of the entire chat disagreeing with him. Drean felt shivers down his spine when he saw Quackity was in chat, but  his heart really raced as he saw the purple and white check mark in chat. It was BURD. Drean was convinced he would get BANNED, but he didn't care. That's when he asked what race Quackity is. Drean's HEAD WAS FULL OF THOUGHT, HIS HEAD WAS FULL. His heart raced as his fingers clacked away at the keys. The placement of the letters on his keyboard, now muscle memory. "I know exactly what to do," Drean said, phoning up cartoon network. "hey kid friendly losers, cancel your last good show bitches."

"ok."

     he hung up and the news was out. one user named arctic went sicko mode. he dropped his waifu body pillow when the mods ban him. he dropped his Quackity body pillow in shock. His brain went autopilot, all the spiteful comments easily accessible, all could get him banned in one fell swoop. he thought to himself,  why did I get banned? I didn't do anything wrong, it was all for fun.. his mom rushes into his room when starts loudly crying. "snowflakes," Drean muttered under his breath. he decided to not think about it to realize he may have been in the wrong.  "Barold WHY DON'T YOU CALM DOWN AND WATCH BUBBLE GUPPIES, YOUR FAVORITE? " his mom asked in distress. "I ONLY WATCH SOUTH PARK!!!" Drean screeches but only dogs can hear it.

     "momma will make u waffles now." He snapped at his mother, a living token that showcased his failures in life. his mother may have created him, but he was the man of the house. He resented her, but she was the reason he had gone anywhere in life. I rule over you kid friendly bitch, Drean thought. Drean SNAPS AT HIS MOM TELLING HER TO GO MAKE HIM SANDWICH! he decided to ignore that he would be homeless and starved if it weren't for his mother's generous hospitality. his hatred somewhat stemmed from his mommy issues. he sits back to his computer , staring at his rgb keyboard. "ok fine," his mom says, tired, walking out of the room. "good," Drean says taking a sip from his sippy cup.

     He turn backs to the pc, itching at his lice from not bathing in a couple weeks. His mother knew too well, since he was in kindergarten, that he would get nowhere in life "I'll do it next year," he thought. Drean closes the "milf p0rn" angrily and starts blasting music, its Road Chip by D*eam featuring Pbumba or some shit. 

   "If only they knew the extent I'd go to marry dream," he fantasized. after thinking on his actions he thinks, I'll get revenge one day.. but what he didn't know was that no one would forget about what he did that day.. "I guess I'll go on reddit," he sighed, knowing it would make him happy. not only that, but his mom came with a sandwich. He glanced down at the keys of his keyboard, the letters of p, o, r, and n had been rubbed off from use, and built up food nestled between the edges of the keys.

"THIS SANDWICH HAS CRUSTS! I HATE CRUSTS!" he screamed, throwing it at her.

    his mom escaped into the wild. he goes onto r/pokimanehot and joined the other creeps in the subreddit. r/cheating time! his screen had been doused in fingerprints, where there was no part of the glass that didn't have a smudge going in one direction or another. THEN POKIMANE STARTS STREAMING! "MOM GIVE ME UR CREDIT CARD NUMBER, '' HE YELLS. reddit, a sandwich, bullying people, and now road shit... It was a fairly good day for Drean. pokimane sees his donation and ignores it, little did he know that she was secretly in chat that dreaded day.

    He rapidly types in the numbers, you'd think he would have memorized them by now, considering he had donated to pokimaine daily for the past ten years. "I use that money for our water bill and our rent..." his mom tries to say. "shut up women," he snarls, "stfu mf, karen."  If only all women were like pokimaine, or had anime tiddies. he muttered under his breath, as his mother reluctantly handed him the sheet of plastic, engraved with computerized numbers. he mutters a highly racist slur under his breath, as he realizes he had smudged the credit card, so that he was unable to read them. 

    He instead spams "notice me poki" in chat. 

    SOME PPL IN POKIS CHAT RECOGNIZED HIM FROM THE EARLIER INCIDENT! THEY STARTED SPAMMING BAN DREAN BAN DREAN! Drean began to break into a sweat, the most intense experience since last night, when he had gone into quackity's offline and got banned. DREAN QUICKLY CLOSED HIS TWITCH TAB AND STARTED CHATTING ON DISCORD. He contacted his best friend Derwin to ask what he should do...

(chapter 1 end)