The sound of glass shattering

A crack in the glass

I had never feared you like I did now, to be honest I don't think I even felt true fear like I just did .The overwhelming frightening knot in my stomach that twisted and turned inside me so I completely forget to breathe.
Breathe Chloe...Breathe....Chloe.....BREATHE, I thought, but couldn't bring myself to do it.
I'm a wimp,a sad excuse for a human.
That's what you always told me, maybe I am?
but just then I gulped a lump of air that felt cold in my body, that sent shivers down my spine, that teased me...but the air feels like it doesn't belong inside me
Maybe I just shouldn't have taken a breath, maybe I should I have died...at least I wouldn't feel anymore.
Too late now...

It felt like years standing in front of you, in front of your body.
The body that warmed me in those nights were I felt most alone.
The body I gave myself to all those months ago.
The body I dreamt of even before we knew each other existed.
The body that saved me in every way a person can be saved.
And you knew every part of me; from the strand of hair that sticks up to the left of my head that never goes down no matter how hard I try. To the bruise that never went away on the bottom of my ankle. These are things only someone who ultimately must have been mine, all mine...my sole mate would know, or so I thought.
As I stand in front of you I look at your eyes. Those angry eyes that I've become all too used to looking at, but those eyes looked the same way my father looked to my mother after he did the same to what your doing to me now.
I thought that was love...but it's not, it's nothing more than anguish and selfishness and then I suddenly realise...

I need to run, to anywhere to anyone but I can't move. My bruises on my arm and on my thighs that I've tried so hard to hide ache for the sweet sight of the sun .You locked me in the house so I haven't been out in almost 3 months.
But you love me, this is what love is right? My father did this to my mother and I'm getting the same, I deserve this, I did this to myself. If I was a better wife you to you, you wouldn't need do this to me.
Me! I'm to blame. I must be the reason you do this to me.

Just then I start to think deeper...
I have been a good wife, I clean, cook, laugh at your un-laughable jokes, smile and nod, as you don't like me talking, and does everything you say without question.
So why?
what have I done so wrong for you to do this...again?
You said if I was perfect you wouldn't need to do it again. Surely I couldn't be more perfect,  I do everything you tell me to do and yet you still do this to me...you lie
You lie
You lie
You liar
You liar
I hate you
I hate you
I hate you
I love you
I love you so much
I'm thinking 1000 miles an second and I all I can say to you is 'I'm sorry', safe to say I'm not surprised that you do it again but this time with an all time pit of satanic fire in your eyes...I know what's coming...you throw me to the wall.

I know you don't like me talking, it's my fault you did that, I should of remembered that you don't like it when I talk. I broke the rules. This is why you must get like this because I forget your rules .How could I be so stupid?
Why did I say anything at all this it's my fault.
You then start kicking, punching me black and blue. I start bleeding everywhere and all I can think is I'm gonna to have to clean that up later...

I try so hard to keep it in but I can't suppress it any longer. I scream so loud that I even surprise myself.
I'm in pain so much pain, physically but also mentally.
Then you slowly approach me once again fist in hand
My whole body rattles and shakes and I can't even stand. But there's no need to...
you grab me by the neck and holds me high above you like I'm some sort of trophy you've just won...smiling
how can you be smiling
how can you be smiling, right now
Your a psychopath you must be, but I love you. I love you so god dam much that I allowed it to go on for so long. Even now. Stupid, right ?
But I can't help it I still love you so I allow you to hold me high up dangling in the air. I struggle to engulf air as your hand wraps around my neck like a snake on a tree and I try. I promise I'm trying. But I can't. I can't breathe.
Fight Chloe...fight....Chloe...breathe.
But I can't.

I look into your eyes again and without speech I plead to put me safely down. I know I'm breaking another rule looking into you eyes, but I know your weaknesses and I'm not sure how long I have left. But you stare at me avoiding my eyes like always, but your smiling like a Cheshire Cat.
Your gripping round my throat even tighter than before, your enjoying this. I feel my eyes roll to the back of my head and I stop trying to breathe now. There's no point anymore I think, not long now.

I give way and fall to the ground with a large thud that carry's through the empty house as you stand over my corpse. I have finally gotten the happy ending I was waiting for even though I'm lying on the floor without a heart beat I'm happy now knowing your still there, alive.