Fanfiction Reviews

"Jake's Heroic, Critical, Bizarre Adventures" Review

Hello, and welcome to "Fanfiction Reviews," a place where I talk about fanfiction on the Internet, and you read and feel entertained.

Now, I know it's been a while since I wrote one of these, and I know some of you were probably expecting me to review "Godzilla Warriors 2" (next time, I promise). In fact, today's review was originally supposed to be way in the future, but then I found out that the story in question is no longer on Wattpad, and I couldn't find any reuploads, so I just need to write this review before the information leaves my memory. On top of that, I was unable to actually finish the story (I only read the first chapter, which was very, very long), so most of the information is actually from the main character's page on the Hero Fanon Wiki (basically a wiki for fanfiction heroes). That whole page is a goldmine of cringe, by the way. Just go on the Hero Fanon Wiki and search for "Jake Ryan."

So... "Jake's Heroic, Critical, Bizarre Adventures." A story by Wattpad's very own JakeRyan1245. Some of you might know him as Jacob Kyle Baldonado Fabie (no, I'm not doxxing him, he literally plasters his full name everywhere. Remind you of any other fanfiction creator?). Now, this story is... awful. It's awful. There's no other way of saying it. It's probably the worst story I've ever read. Yes, that includes both fanfiction and original works. It makes Sonichu look like Watchmen (and trust me, that's not the only time I'll be referencing Sonichu). The main character makes Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way look like Harry Potter. The writing style makes Empress Theresa look like Macbeth.

Well, I suppose I should start summarizing this dumpster fire, right? Keep in mind, almost all of my info is from the main character's Hero Fanon Wiki page, as well as the main villain's page on the Villains Fanon Wiki. So, the story is about a kid named Jacob Kyle Baldonado Fabie, also known as Jake Ryan (I guess it's supposed to be a nickname?), who becomes embroiled in a Multiversal event that has him meeting all his favorite fictional characters. I should mention that the story's subtitle is "A Original Many Stories Crossover." Yes, it is written exactly like that. As far as I can tell, the IPs involved in this crossover are: My Hero Academia, Jojo's Bizarre Adventure, Pokemon, Undertale, DC Comics, Marvel Comics, Hunter X Hunter, Star Wars, Kamen Rider, Dead by Daylight, Grand Theft Auto, and a whole bunch of other stuff.

Back to the story, Jake is stuck with an abusive family consisting of an alcoholic mother, a brother with rage issues, and a misandrist sister. When his family is killed by Hood, the High-End Noumu from My Hero Academia that fought Endeavor, he finds himself in another universe, where he meets Sans from Undertale, and that's about where I left off the last time I read the story. Now, let's talk about Jake for a second, shall we?

Jake Ryan is one of the biggest self-insert Mary Sues (or, I guess, a Gary Stu) I have ever seen. Here's just a few tidbits from his Hero Fanon Wiki page: he is an S-Ranked Hero (which isn't how MHA's Hero Ranking System works), he has a harem (which, according to the story's summary, consists of over 32 women), he has an IQ of 79 (isn't it sad how he thinks that's impressive?), his Quirk is an unnamed Quirk that holds 12 other Quirks (also, he has a Quirk despite being from the real world), one of his Quirks makes him immortal, another Quirk lets him steal Quirks (no, it's not All for One, it's called Confiscate, and he can apparently return the Quirk within 24 hours before it permanently becomes his), another Quirk stops him from aging (yeah, he's got two immortality Quirks), he has a Stand that can give people unlimited energy during various intervals in the day, his Stand's final evolved form can warp reality by singing, he just has an unholy amount of superpowers in general, he's best friends with Izuku Midoriya, and he defeated Darkseid and Sauron. Pretty impressive, right?

He's also an online reviewer, and a student of the Nostalgia Critic. Of course, I can't confirm this, but I would not be surprised if he did that stupid Channel Awesome thing where he just brings the story to a grinding halt to review something. I'm not even gonna touch any of that other stuff, I'm just gonna leave it to the comments section.

The story's main villain is a prince from another universe named Delnos, who leads an army of "Shadrosapiens" on a quest for Multiversal conquest. A few of the other major villains include Lincoln March (from DC Comics), the Trickster (from Dead by Daylight), Psyphon (from Ben 10), Machine Head (from Invincible), and the Thousand, who is very clearly based on someone in the real world that Jake does not like very much.

Yeah, Jake doesn't seem to understand that you can't just put real people (at least, real people who are still alive) in a fictional story. Personally, I find it downright creepy that he put a clearly-real person (who I'm not even gonna name here, if you see his wiki page, you'll know who I'm talking about) in the story as one of his many love interests.

The story also has typos galore, which I suppose I can't really harp on too much since the author is Filipino and English clearly isn't his first language. Some of the typos are pretty hilarious though.

He also has a Nostalgia Critic-esque catchphrase: "Remember people, I remembered who I am, so you don't have to mentioned it!" Yeah, I don't get it either.

The cover art is also dogshit. The title has a different font and color for each word, which makes it hard to read, and the "art" is just anime characters photoshopped onto a blue background, with the main character's gacha figure in the middle. You think I'm joking?

Yeah, that's our boy right there. Don't you just love someone who uses gacha figures to represent themselves?

He also goes into detail on who his "waifus" are, and it just... it's a pretty gross passage, to be honest. Like, Jake, on the off-chance you're reading this, because I know you have a Wattpad account... why the hell would you put any of this on the Internet? Clearly, you realized you screwed up, because you deleted the story, but you didn't count on people like me having a good memory!

So, in case it isn't obvious yet, this is a pretty similar case to Christian Weston Chandler (Christine Weston Chandler? Christopher Weston Chandler? Chris-chan? Jesus? I don't know what the fuck they even go by any more). Someone who set out to make a piece of art, and failed miserably. But unlike Chris-chan and Sonichu, this story seems doomed to obscurity, which is... a little sad. As bad as it was, it was a pretty long story, and you could tell a lot of effort had been put into it.

So yeah, that was "Jake's Heroic, Critical, Bizarre Adventures." A bad story and quite the rabbit hole if you're brave enough. I know this probably wasn't my best review, but I promise everything will be back to normal with the next review, "Godzilla Warriors 2: The Guardian."

Final score: 3/10 F

Update 12/30/2021: Okay, so I just recently checked the Hero and Villain Fanon Wikis, and not only did Jake edit his infobox to give himself less superpowers, but he also changed his occupation from "S-Ranked Hero" to "UA Student," and he also deleted the Villains Fanon Wiki page on the villain who was clearly based on a real person that I mentioned earlier. Now, I don't know if Jake happened upon my review and decided to try and "fix" his story accordingly... but it is pretty coincidental that he made those edits at some point after I uploaded this review. Only time will tell if he makes any more edits.

Update 4/15/2023: I can't believe I forgot these details in the last update, but he actually changed several details on the wiki. For one thing, the main character's name has been changed to "Jake Nexus K. Ryan" and the name of the story itself has been changed to "Critical Multiverse." Also, the Trivia section states that Jake had asthma, autism (no, really?) and PTSD, all of which where cured when he was chosen by a magical multiverse bullshit sword called the Crossixior. His PTSD... was cured... by a magic sword. Just let that sink in.