(18+) RED (Complete)

Ch. 46: Vulnerable

I was still shocked after what happened a few hours ago. Everything went so fast, from having Benjamin accused of assault and attempted murder, to being free of all charges, and Ryan most likely sentenced to several years behind bars. It was all crazy. I couldn't even imagine how his parents must have felt, being completely unaware of their son's horrendous actions, and to get it thrown right in their faces in front of the judge. I guess that's just how good Ryan was at lying. And stupid to believe he would get away with it.

Michael had decided to stay the night, but got a phone call that made him return to Santa Barbara in a hurry. He barely kissed me goodbye. I'm not gonna lie, I was a bit hurt, but what else could I expect? He was a busy man and he couldn't just drop everything because of me. I was just being selfish. Besides, we'd already decided to spend the weekend together at Neverland, so I shouldn't be too disappointed about it.

But I still was.

For some reason I had a desperate need to talk about it. About everything. About what happened that night, and how surreal it was to see Ryan in handcuffs when he was escorted or between two men in uniforms, while his mother was left in tears, seeking comfort in her husband's arms. And that's why I called the only person who would understand without me having to explain everything. Someone who knew and who had been there.

I called Benjamin, who answered immediately. And only minutes later, he knocked on the door to my room.

"It's open," I said, feeling a bit defeated.

"Hey. Are you okay?"

Benjamin moved slowly to where I was sitting on my bed, with my back against the headboard and my arms around my knees. I giggled, but even I heard the sadness in my voice.

"You know I should be the one asking you that, right?"

A little reluctantly, he sat down on the edge of the bed, until I sighed and signed for him to sit next to me instead. It felt a little awkward at first, since it took him a couple of minutes to relax. But when he did, he mirrored the way I was sitting, although with his hands in his lap instead of around his knees.

"How do you feel?" I asked to break the silence, and he shrugged with one shoulder.

"Relieved, I guess. It hasn't really occurred to me what happened. I was so sure that I would be the one to be where Ryan is right now."

Carefully, he made me loosen my hands around my legs and placed his palm over mine as a mutual comfort. He needed it just as much as I did.

"I swear I didn't know the extent of what he was doing, Mia. I honestly thought it was a rumor. Besides, I was there and I saw Ruby and Frida were sitting next to..."

"I know," I said and tried to force the ugly pictures of what happened after that, out of my mind. "It wasn't your fault. I've said that so many times already, but I'll continue until you get that into that stubborn head of yours. Self-loathing doesn't lead to anything good."

He didn't say anything until I turned my hand a little so I could squeeze an answer out of him.

"I guess you're right."

"Have you thought about going to therapy?" I asked quietly, hoping that he didn't get offended. It was what the judge said, after all.