Swear Not By The Moon

The Prince And His Imp

***Thanks to JamesCorck for creating the cover art***

If there were a single word to describe Blitzo's love life, it would be "complicated." The young imp had dated many girls and guys in his life, and almost all of them turned out to be total assholes, bitches, or both. Sure, he would admit his actions played a part in ruining whatever chance he and his boyfriend/girlfriend had of being something more than just a fling, but they were also at fault. Of the three demons he ever came close to caring about, one turned out to be a diva bitch of a succubus who was more full of herself than Queen Lilith, one turned out to be racist against hellhounds, and the other loved to eat horses. Okay, maybe the last one wasn't too big of a deal in the eyes of most demons, but hurting God's most perfect creatures was auto-strike out for Blitzo.

It was why he hated Valentine's Day. It was always a reminder that he, a handsome and lovable imp, was still single without a special someone while everyone else around him was dating or married. Well, except his Loony, but that was because Blitzo did everything he could to prevent her from dating until she was twenty-nine. Even if she often clawed his tail off for it.

Blitzo turned his computer off to get up for lunch while glaring at the calendar across from his desk. A pink heart was marked around the infernal day of love and happiness. Well, not until he took his gun and shot it off the wall. Kicking his office door open, Blitzo saw that everyone else was in the break room, so he strolled right in to warm up his egg noodles from last night's Chinese food.

"Oh, sir, there you are," Moxxie said, closing the fridge behind him. "I've been meaning to talk to you about something I've noticed in our finances."

"I thought I told you I would handle our finances, Mox," Blitzo said as he reopened the fridge to get a soda and his meal. "You don't need to worry about the numbers. Despite my dyslexia, I'm very good at math."

"Then how come I always got failing grades in math whenever you tried helping me with my homework?" Loona asked, not bothering to look away from her phone.

"Anyway," Moxxie said, wanting to keep on track. "I noticed that a certain number of our funds were diverted into an account I didn't recognize." Blitzo's eyes widened as he turned the microwave on super hot by accident upon hearing this. "Sir, do you know what-"

"It's just an investment, nothing more," Blitzo said in a rush as he didn't want Moxxie to know that he invested in that Happy Hotel thing by accident. When he heard that porn star Angel Dust had started living there and asked for donations, he thought it was some new and rising porno studio to get good money from investing in it. Instead, it turned out to be some lame-ass place of 'redemption' that was seeking to send sinners to Heaven. He tried getting his money back, but upon learning that the Radio Demon was now part of that hotel, he quickly stopped his complaints and was happy to donate a few of their earrings here and there. For the good of others, of course. And himself.

Blitzo clapped his hands to get everyone's attention and quickly faked a smile. "So, Valentine's Day is coming up! What's my favorite M&M couple doing this year?"

"Moxxie and I were thinking of going to Dis Vegas this year," Millie said, smiling brightly as Moxxie just stared at Blitzo with suspicion. Blitzo did his best to not look at him. He needed to focus on the wife and keep ignoring the clever one in this company. Not that Blitzo would ever admit that. "See the shows, try our luck at gambling, and have a lot of private time if you know what I mean."

"Ew, didn't need to hear that," Loona muttered, closing her eyes in disgust.

"Great, so when do we leave?" Blitzo asked with a smile as his noodles finished heating up.