untold

FIFTEEN

NEEDS TO BE RE-WRITTEN

I SAT THERE IN silence, for what felt like days, but in reality was not even an hour. i just sat their by myself watching the water in very comfortable silence.

at this moment i wish no one interrupted, i felt lost in my thoughts, not bad ones but the ones where i though off all the good things in my entire 13 years on this planet.

at this moment i wasn't thinking about all my trauma's that i had to experience, sometimes it is best to put the bad memories behind.

i used to write about everything good that happened in my life when my mom was here, the days where we all go ice cream, played at the parks, and just looked at what nature had to offer us.

when josh started drinking i would look at the journal and just think why? why did my life have to turn into this? i was the happiest girl alive with parents who adored me with the entire heart.

did josh ever love me? this was a questions that would swarm into my mind every day, was his laughs and smiles, around me and my mom all just an act? did he actually love her?

i really wish he did, my mom didn't deserve him if he didn't. she was the sweetest woman alive, she would calm me down when i cried, congratulate me when i did good in soccer games, and gave we hugs. she had the best hugs, they were so warm and i felt all my worries go away.

i felt safety when i was in her arms, but i will never get the feeling, part of me doesn't accept her death, like she is still out their. but why would she leave me? leave me alone and griving.

she was am amazing boater it all just seems off, like somethings missing, but im not going to get myself to worked up about it.

it started getting darker by the minute so i decited to make my way back inside.

i quietly opened the sliding doors and stepped in, i didn't see anyone so i let out a sigh of relief.

i made my way to my room and remembered i had a soccer game tomorrow. that made me excited, soccer makes me forget about all the wrong in my life.

the second i place my foot on the field its like im taken to a different place.

a happy place.

UNTOLD

i woke up bright and early so i would be all refreshed for todays game. i made my way downstairs and to the kitchen where mattia and mateo were both seated on the counter talking.

"well someones in a happy mood," mattia smiled, "so my soccer games at 12 who has the pleasure of bringing me?" i asked as i was taking out the blender.

"im taking you, and i believe aundre is coming with, the other two have a practice they had to get to," mattia explained.

i felt a little hurt in my heart knowing my two oldest brothers didn't even have the nerve to come, but they aren't worth my time. why would i spend time being sad about people who dont even came foe me.