Surviving in Harmony

Chapter Thirty-Nine | Hester House, January 2014

Chapter Thirty-Nine

Hester House, January 2014

 

            Andrew had not had a nightmare since Amara had left when Ella was little. There had been no fire or destruction, screams or crying. Sonia had not appeared in his dreams for years.

And now Andrew's sister had disappeared.

She had left in the middle of the night, leaving nothing but a note. Her clothes, books, personal items were left, a cup of tea on the counter – as if she had just gone out for a moment. Andrew hoped that cup of tea meant Sonia had hesitated, a sign that she still loved them all. Andrew felt very un-loved by the one person he had always known would love him back, no matter what.

Max would be going back to school tomorrow, Ella too. Charlie said that he and Max were doing okay, but Andrew wasn't so sure, suspected that they were being weighed down by Sonia's absence. Max couldn't rest easy knowing that Charlie would soon be home alone.

Sonia had left exactly one year after losing Nora.

It was funny, but the nightmares came back the very same day that Sonia left. The screaming and fire, it was all there – Hazel was there.

Hagrid had gone to retrieve her body that night, carried her gently. He had wrapped a torn piece of his hankie around her neck, so the twins wouldn't have to see. To stop the bleeding.

In Andrew's dreams he walked though his house and in every room Hazel was lying on the floor, that hankie wrapped around her neck. Her blonde hair had been soaked with blood at the tips.

The day after Sonia left Andrew was so worn out he fell asleep at his desk, and the dream started as it always had. Even though it had been years Andrew still remembered it all. He was standing in the great hall at Hogwarts, looking over the bodies lined up. Somewhere covered by sheets others were staring at the ceiling with glassy, unseeing eyes.

"She's here, somewhere."

Looking to his left Andrew saw Sonia, but not as she had been on that day in 1998, not the other day on Christmas morning. She was young, around eleven – when her anger had really begun. She was wearing the overalls she had loved, her hair a tangle around her face.

"No..." Andrew shook his head. "She's coming back, she said..."

"She never said anything." Sonia argued, crossing her skinny arms. "She's dead."

"No." Andrew ran from this eleven-year-old version of his sister, down the aisles of dead loved ones, looking for his mother.

"She's here!" Sonia shouted at him, somehow on the other side of the hall.

"No!" he screamed, bug then...he saw her. Sinking to his knees he pulled Hazel's body to him, cradling her gently. Her limbs were stiff, eyes open – she was gone.

"Told you." Sonia was sitting in front of him, playing with Hazel's stiff fingers. "She's dead."

"She's not." Argued Andrew, holding her closer. "No. She – she said –"

"Let her go." Whispered Sonia, big eyes pleading. She looked eerily adorable sitting cross legged like that, so child-like. "Please Andy, let her go."

"What about her body?"

"I'll look after her." Her voice held promise. "C'mon."

Andrew carefully moved Hazel's body into Sonia's lap, brushing the bloodied curls off her face.

He left them, heading towards the doors; pushing them open he walked onto grass, not stone. Before him was Hester House, as it was when he was very young. The trees were smaller, paint job fresher. On the steps sat Hazel.

"Mamma?"

"Andrew." Hazel smiled the words and stood, opening her arms. "Hello my boy."

This was not how the dream usually went, but Andrew welcomed the change. He stepped into his mother's arms, shaking as she held him with her skinny hold, tiny body.

"I miss you so much."

Hazel stroked his curls gently, kissing his cheek. "I missed you too Andy, and you have done wonderful without me. I knew you would."

"I wish the kids could meet you," he told her. "Ella would love you, and they love stories – and Robin loves going on nature walks, like I did with Remus!" Andrew couldn't believe where his dream had taken him, and he grabbed the opportunity to talk as much as possible. "Oh Mamma, you would be so proud of Sonia. She has her own column, and Amara! She's got so many classes, and all the kids love her in town."

"Sonia left, didn't she Andrew?" Hazel interrupted his monologue.

He nodded. "Last night, I only found out this morning."

"Why do you think she did that?"

"I don't know, I thought she was happy, even with what happened last year." Andrew looked at her helplessly. "What do I do, Mamma? I miss her already."

"Give her space, she needs it." Advised Hazel. "She has to be okay with herself before she can be a wife and mother and sister. Not even a good one, just present."

Andrew nodded, and then thought of something he had always wondered. "Mamma, did you know? That night I mean, that you wouldn't be coming home?"

Hazel smiled sadly and dusted off his shoulders like she always did. "I think its time to go home now Andrew."

"But, Mamma –"

But Andrew was awake, jolting up at his desk. It was mid afternoon, rain washing away the little snow they had gotten the night before.

He tried working, but Hazel's face, her words and eleven-year-old Sonia wouldn't leave him alone. Whenever Andrew couldn't get those images out of his head he would go to one of his children and invite them for a cuddle – they would always comply.

Now Andrew held a sleepy Maeve in his arms; she had turned two in November. She breathed slowly, halo of blonde tickling his chin. Holding one of his kids never ceased to make him feel better.

"Papa?" Maeve mumbled sleepily.

"Yeah Mae?" he stroked her curls, like the soft down feathers of a baby bird.

"Love you." She gripped onto his shirt with her tiny hand, then let it go with a sigh. She was fast asleep.

Andrew closed his own eyes, feeling the weight of Maeve against his chest. The winter sun warmed them as the rain clouds broke apart for a moment. When Andrew opened his eyes, just for a moment, he almost saw a flicker of someone, sunshine for hair and dress.

"Hullo Mamma." He whispered. "Hullo."

The sunshine did not answer, and Andrew fell asleep.

A/N: Oh my, we've almost caught up to the present! Oh Andrew, you poor boy. Good thing he's got 4 little kiddos to cuddle with!

Question: Hazel really is making herself known, and not only to the kiddies! Thoughts on that and Andrew's dream?

Rose