Connected

Chapter 19

TW: this chapter is a bit more serious the further on you continue, there is a weapon mentioned so please proceed with caution. I will not reveal the type of weapon at the moment but please know that it is mentioned briefly. This is the final chapter and a lot happens. if you decide to continue with this chapter please do so at your own comfort level and know that you have been warned.

**********

We stay holding each other for so long that the fire has almost died. The warmth that it provided is long gone, but our kiss warmed me to the core. Now that warmth is starting to recede, and I find myself shivering, I'm dressed in jeans and long sleeves at the beginning of the summer, yet I feel as if I just stepped outside in the middle of winter completely naked. Apollo pulls me closer, putting the windbreaker around me, but it doesn't help the chill making its way through my body. He lets go of me, moving me off his lap and starts moving around just outside of the camp, bringing back handfuls of twigs and sticks and throwing them into the fire, going back and forth stopping once it's grown again and there's a backup fuel pile next to us. He comes back over and picks up the blanket, shaking it off and wrapping it around me. It's itchy, both from the material and the ground's debris, but it's heavy and warm, and I slowly start to warm up, but the shivering doesn't stop.

He lays down on his side and pulls me to lay next to him, facing each other, wrapping his arms around me. When he lays down, I could have sworn I felt him shaking slightly before it disappeared. After everything that's happened, I feel safe in his arms, and I feel myself relax for once, the shivering slows until it disappears completely, then I'm stifling hot under the heavy blanket, and throw it off. I wonder if the shivering was my body's response to the rush of feelings and the kiss. It could be; he was shivering too, so it may be an after-effect; honestly, at this point, it seems hard even to try and come up with another explanation.

I wasn't crazy though; that feeling was real. I could feel the emotion on a physical level. It was different then the emotions we feel daily. I could feel every ounce of fear, worry, sadness, pain, excitement, and love. It made its way through my body, just like the Spark, taking me over completely and leaving me shaking as it disappeared.

We lay next to the fire in silence, just watching each other with unspoken questions, stories, fears, dreams, and ambitions between us. The most we can muster is an "I love you" before noticing emotions start mixing in the other person's eyes. After a moment, they calm, but the cycle repeats, like we got left and forgotten on a bad rollercoaster, so many ups and downs that by the fourth time, we are looking for any escape. I close my eyes and take a deep breath, preparing for the storm in his eyes that will cause my heart to leap and shatter at the same time. When I look at him, I break, watching as the tears in his eyes break free and roll down his face. I pull him closer, and he buries his head in my shoulder and cries silently,

"Promise you won't leave; I can't lose you too..."

"I promise, I will find you, and you will find me. Always," I say, placing a kiss on the top of his head and rubbing his back calmly.

His arms wrap around me tighter, and he scrunches up, bringing his knees to his chest. He pulls me closer, nudges me with his legs, and slips one between mine, putting the other on top, tangling us together. We wanted to be as close to each other as possible, protecting the other. He buries his head deeper into my shoulder as tears still run down his face. He has been so strong and determined over the past 48 hours, between helping me and getting us here safely; I can't even begin to imagine the pain he's in or what's going through his mind. He lost his parents so recently, only to have to take over what his father left behind and be captured because of it.

I can't help but feel like I'm partly responsible. I mean, if I weren't his soulmate, he would have never been caught in the first place. Even if his dad were still found out, he could have gone to meet with the guys safely if he weren't connected to me. He would have never had the image of the flower, and Frank would have never seen him. He would have never been suspected of having a Counter, thus never being tested and captured. Even if he was connected to someone else, he was caught because of that flower. He was caught because he wanted to protect me. It's all my fault. We are here hiding and praying for our lives because he got stuck with me. As much as I love him and I'm glad I found someone, I keep thinking that he would have been better off without me. My thoughts become vicious and threaten to overtake me more and more. I find myself tightening my grip around him and burying my head into him, searching for some way to escape this...this all-consuming feeling of guilt at the fact that I may have been the one who just killed us both.