As I am

Chapter 3: Just like them. (Part 1)

                  Jordan

The door squeaked as it opened. "Jay. You up?" The familiar voice whispered. The thick clap of their slippers smacked against the dorm floor. The annoying sound forced me to open my eyes, but I still didn't remove the covers from my head that protected me from the outside world. I didn't want to get up. I was tired, physically and emotionally. I felt weak, so I know I looked it, and my pride wouldn't allow me to let anyone see me that way. "Go away." My voice groggy, mouth dry, and breath foul. I felt my mattress rock, then my shield was pulled back. I looked up to the tall frame that sat over me. "What's the matter babe?" Their long arms extended towards my face, but I quickly moved to the side, completely dodging any contact they were trying to make. "Wassup with that?" they asked. I instantly got frustrated. "How you come in my room, interrupt my sleep, and don't see the problem?" I hissed. "I called you like 5 times this morning. You didn't go to your 9 o'clock class. So I just came to see if you were feeling ok. I can't make sure my girl is alright?" My face screwed up. My girl? I smacked my teeth, and rolled my eyes. I threw the rest of the covers off my body and sat on the edge of my bed. I reached into the small drawer of my night stand and grabbed a white T-shirt to cover my gray sports bra and slipped on my Nike socks and slippers. As I stood my basketball shorts fell down my tone thighs and I began to walk into the bathroom. I stood in front of the mirror and felt the heat from their stare pierce through my skin. I joined in, staring at my reflection in confusion. There was always a reason for someone lying to another person, but how could I lie to myself every day? I turned on the faucet and let the water run on my toothbrush. As I began to brush I heard them say, "I just want you to be happy with me Jordan." Their voice full of false sincerity,their words still had no value to me. I gargled the mouth wash then reached for the hot towel I prepared then leaned over the sink and wiped my face. I looked in the mirror once again, my curly strands of hair were everywhere. I released my hair from the scrunch, only to brush my hair right back into a neater pony tail. Seconds later, they joined me in the mirror. "You look so beautiful." Their finger gently trailed down my shoulder, yet I squirmed in disgust.

My door swung open. "Whoa, my bad. I didn't mean to interrupt." My roommate quickly turned around, damn near hitting herself with the door trying to get out. I was glad she walked in, because it gave me an excuse to get away. "Nah, you're not interrupting, what's up?" I squeezed out of the tiny bathroom space. "I had a break at 3, I was gonna go ball, just wanted to see if you wanted to come through?" "I'm down." I said, grabbing my back pack. "Cool. Rae and Jamie will be there too. We'll just meet at the gym?" she said. "Alright, bet." The door closed. I turned around to see him staring at me."What?" I asked. "I don't want you hanging around those kind of girls." "What do you mean "those kind of girls?" I asked. "Those dykes." "Those dkyes are my friends, my roommates, and my teammates!" I yelled. "Look, I'm just trying to help you out. That's why I keep telling you that you need to dress more girly. People are going to see you dressed like this.." He pulled at my T-shirt. "...hanging with them, and think you are one too." I smacked his hand down. "I don't give a fuck about what people think." I spat. "Well you should. "he said. "Why should I have to dress uncomfortably, or discard my friends because of what people think!?" I yelled. "Because you represent more than you Jordan. You're embarrassing me and your family name every time you walk out like this. Matter fact.." he snatched my back pack from me and threw it across the room before he ripped my shirt from the collar down to my chest."... go change! We're ending this today." Full of anger, I reached back and punched him with every ounce of strength I had. He grabbed me by my neck and pinned me against the wall. I grabbed his wrist, trying to remove his hands, but his grip was too strong. " Bitch have you lost your mind!?" He yelled, spit coming from between his clenched teeth, veins protruding from his temples. Tears began to form from my eyes as I choked and slid down the wall. When I reached the floor, he released his grip, only to draw back and slap me across the face.  I grabbed my cheek in pain, whimpering only slightly. "Now get your ass up and change!" he barked. Trying to catch my breath, I struggled to get up, but I did as I was told. I went into the bathroom, closed the door, an fell down to my knees crying. I heard a bunch of things hit the floor then him yell. " You know what? I'm done trying to force you to be a real woman. I'm gone! " the front door slammed. I stood up when I was sure he was gone and looked at my face in the mirror. My cheek was bright red, and tiny scratches bled on my neck. Minutes later I heard a knock at my room door. "Who is it?"  I screamed from the bathroom.  " Danielle man!" She screamed back. My roommate had returned. "Ayo, everything alright?" She said from the other side of the door. I cleared my throat, trying hard to sound normal. "Yeah, everything's cool." I wiped my face frantically. " You sure? I mean, I'm here to listen if you wanna talk. " she said. "Nah, that was nothing." I laugh a faux nonchalant laugh. "Everything is all right." I said, lying through my teeth. "OK then. I'll see you later, Jay." She said. Making it clear she didn't believe a word I said, but didn't push the issue. Danielle had been my friend since my freshman year, I'm a senior now. And although I know I could talk to her about anything, I still kept quite in fear of judgment. She was the closest thing to a best friend I've ever had, yet I envy her so much. Not because of what she had, but because of who she was. And that was no one but herself, something I felt like I could never be. I've been living a double life and it feels like both sides of me are dying. I never thought I would be going through the things I am, but look at me. I slowly unlock the bathroom door, subconsciously wondering if he was still there. I layed on my bed when I realized the coast was clear & grabbed my phone. Immediately unlocking it and going straight to her kik message. I read our conversations over and over. Disgusted by my own behavior. I miss her. I want her. When will I accept that I'm just like them ?

So, chapter 3 will be in two parts because I have a Environmental Science Awareness test I must study for, yet I felt the urge to upload something. Y'all know what its like when the juices are finally flowing haha

Comment & let me know what you think so far? Vote it up! & stay tuned, cause I always improve! ❤