touch.

alone

  Historia has never been happy, she has always lied. She's a liar, and now she's alone. She has never felt love, love other than Ymir gave her, but now Ymir is gone. now she's alone. she never minded that, she was always alone, she grew used to it. she was so used to everyone leaving now, she was surprised, to say the least when someone who wasn't always so fond showed up, Mikasa Ackerman. Mikasa was also alone, not by choice either, her parents being brutally murdered in front of her. they both lost someone they loved, Mikasa lost Eren and Historia lost Ymir. they are both lonely, both selfless but ready to be selfish. 

Mikasa stood there, just for a second before in her cold tone mumbled out, "Are you uh- alright Historia?" they both knew the answer, they just were too scared to admit it. they both weren't alright, they are both heavy burdens. a single tear fell out of her dull, shallow, eyes, her once bright blue orbs darkened after the departure of her loved one, she missed her. Historia shifted to the letter, that was sitting just in the dim depressing lamplight. her body yearned to be held the same way Ymir once touched her, she was alone, clearly as so. Mikasa let out a heavy sigh, and walked over to the bed Historia was balled up in, crying so beautifully. Mikasa has always envied Historia, Historia has always envied Mikasa. they both knew how broken one another was, they were close. they had trust, but they also had boundaries, Mikasa was afraid of getting too close, and Historia was afraid of losing another- but tonight was different, Historia crawled into Mikasa's arms, crying. Mikasa was taken aback, but held onto her and soothed her. it ached Mikasa's heart, she knew deep down she cares too much for Historia. she wanted to protect her, be the arm for her to lean on, she loved her but her fears wouldn't let her admit it. they held her tightly as she thrashed and weakened, she was scared to be alone again.

cuddling, that's all it was. that's all it needed to be, but Mikasa's heart was racing, her mind was going blank and her cheeks soar with red colours, Historia could hear her heartbeat fasten, she was scared to be alone as well, with Mikasa she was afraid of what she already had, she felt free. she has always held onto Ymir, she has always sought Ymir in people, but Mikasa. Mikasa makes it better, Mikasa makes her happier, Mikasa cares. they lost so many people, they need so many more but will never get them. their friends all dead, all that lies are a few, but there was no trust in a world like this, Mikasa knew this. Mikasa trusted Eren, Eren said he loved her and that he would always be there, where is he? Mikasa trusted Armin, Armin is a good guy, but he's a good guy who is in love with Eren, and so he is gone from her. trust got her nowhere, but if she's with historia, nowhere doesn't matter. 

they both cared for Sasha, a recent death that hurt them both. seeing Mikasa so weak on the subject made historia pity her, she wished Mikasa could move on. she hated seeing Mikasa alone. tonight they held each other, listening to each other breathing, Mikasa smiled. Mikasa only smiles with historia nowadays, not that historia was complaining, she felt loved. maybe one person she loves isn't going to go, Mikasa always reassures her one won't leave. it made them happy, together they didn't feel so alone. this was their safe place, they needed each other's warmth, care, love, and touch. sitting here, holding each other- it hurt, all the bitter rage, all the drive and energy left their bodies, the only thing there was each other touch. 

happiness, something that will always come with a price. maybe that price would be alright to pay if it means they can feel this happiness together. maybe being alone is horrible, but with each other they were free, this was freedom. Historia didn't have to look for Ymir in Mikasa, and Mikasa didn't see Eren in Historia. they saw each other, and that was all they needed- was each other, they were happy this way though. this was their happiness. caring too much or too little for someone may have been wrong and annoying, but they didn't mind- not if it was with each other. breaking the silence, Historia speaks, "I like this, Mikasa, I am happy," she gave a smile before continuing, "I also like you, I like how you smell- how you care, thank you, I'm no longer alone with you, I can live my life and be free, promise me we will be free?" 

Mikasa hated being selfish, she was very selfless and caring, especially to those in her heart. she let out a sigh and whispered gently, "I like it too, being with you is calming, I enjoy your touch, your voice, and you. I like you, I promise as long as I am here, you will never be alone. we will be free, together," Mikasa can see why Armin felt this way with Eren, a flashing scene brought her to remember when he said how alike they were. is this why the feeling is so bright? historia was a lot like Armin, but more lovely, at least for Mikasa, whose cheeks are flaming red. taking a shaky breath, Mikasa had to ask, "may I, uh- touch you?" it was awkward, but it had to be said, Mikasa wasn't passing this chance to make her happy, she was selfish.

a blush formed on Historia's cheeks, her lips curved into a smile as she consented, it was a lonely night, the should enjoy it. Mikasa's hands move too firmly but gently touch her hips. shocked by the sudden movement she lets out a breathless gasp. Mikasa kisses her neck, it was odd, being so desperate for something, Mikasa has only felt this way with Eren, this was completely new. continuing on exploring her body, each snag and movement from Mikasa's warm hands lit Historia up, her entire body feeling weak, shiver-inducing but in the most selfish way possible historia wanted more, she no longer felt alone. Mikasa's hands reached her back, she turned historia to face her as she pulled her closer, feeling the breaths of one another on their necks was sending little pleasure bumps to each of them, Historia whimpered slightly, she wasn't used to feeling so much touch. so much affection. 

Mikasa wasn't either, but here she is, kissing Historia, Touching her, Warming her body while taking the heat again, every noise Historia made, made Mikasa more flustered, Mikasa felt her body warming up, her hunger for lust and love all erupting here, something she'd been needing for so long. Mikasa looked into Historia's blue, bright eyes, this is the brightest they have been in a while. Her soft gray eyes easing into the kisses, they both were alone, but they both are very happy.

the night ended with late-night cuddles, Historia snug into Mikasa, it was warm and loving, the hum of breathing that synced up, the gentle strokes on her back from Mikasa, nothing happened more than kisses and cuddles, at least not that Historia would classify as deep and sex, it was just each other's touch. the light was made home in Historia, it burned and yearned for feeling love again. Just maybe Mikasa can be the one to stay, the one to give her love. she would love that, but not as much as she would love Mikasa. with one final heavy sigh, she whispers to herself, "I love you, Mikasa," and drifted away to sleep, peacefully in Mikasa's arms, this felt like home.