I lost myself in love.

At first he was just a day dream. A fantasy in my mind. He was a side character in my stories. But, slowly, he became the most important character. And with that, things in the real world just grew even more complicated.

I guess you could say it started off, with me, alone, in my room. I usually lay on my worn bed with a dull, blank, empty look on my face. See, there was no need for any facial expressions were I was. Not in the real world, of course, but in the stories I created.

In these stories, I didn't have to be me. I didn't have to be that kid in the corner, all alone, I could be anything. I could be a hero. And to the lies I created, I was a hero. A person everyone loved, and who was worth loving too. I fought for them, stood strong in the face of danger. In those other worlds, I was indestructible.

But in reality, I was a nothing. Weak and breakable. Actually, no. By that time I had already been broken. But with those stories I grew stronger. Strong enough to where when I did fall again, I fell hard.

These stories were about anything, and no matter what they were about they were always better then my actual life. That was the intrigue of them. The monsters that I faced were nothing compared to the monsters that roamed the halls of my school, or haunted my house. My fantasy consisted of many characters, and he just happened to be the one that stuck the most.

He started off as a kill-off character. He was too sweet kill though. He cared about everyone, especially me. Then, he became a friend. We talked about everything with each other. He was always by my side. He helped me, gave me advice. And I also gave him advice.

After awhile we became closer. Time went fast with him though. The short period we had spent together ran into hours, and then later escalated into days. Hours flew by like seconds. And with every second I grew closer to him and farther from the things that had pained my world so greatly. I thought I knew where I was going, thought that were I was stepping was safe. And his warm, trusting demeanour only enhanced the feelings. Soon the things we did together became dangerous, and the ground of lies I had created became to crack. But I continued to follow him. He was my only friend, what else was I to do. Besides, the company was a nice change. If only he had been real.

The days together bled into the nights. Nights on into the next day. Time not spent with him was spent scribbling his name and day dreaming of his blue eyes or the way he talked to me. I would miss all the notes for science, and then go on to the next period with the wrong text-book. He would show up at dinner and lunch. And the nights spent with him prevented me from eating breakfast. But the constant hunger was just another void he filled. He consumed my time, my hunger, and my pain. He took it all and made it vanish. Only now do I realize that it wasn't gone, I had gone blind.

I knew he wasn't real. That he didn't exist. But no one else seemed to care. So I went on with the lies. Besides, the new loss of weight was healthy. The teachers barely glanced up as my grades fell from all A's to not even passing. My father had no time to watch as I began to disappear into another world. A world full of people who cared, who thought I mattered. And with a person who loved me more than I ever knew possible.

He made sure I knew that I was loved too. He made sure that every second we spent together was always bliss. He would take me to the pond and we would lay there, together, watching as the ducks flew over head. Then, he would turn and whisper the sweetest things to me. And I knew by that spark in his eyes that none of it was a lie. Even now as I write this, I still know that's it wasn't a lie, everything he had ever said to me was the truth. It was all that I had ever dreamed of. A person who truly cared about me. A person who loved me.

Then it went dark. I am told now that someone had complained of my smell. While checking up on this they noticed my grades, my lack of attendance to my classes, and the change of appearance since my last school picture. They speculated drugs, some said abuse. Very few guessed correctly that I was insane. My father was quickly contacted. The principle and him spoke, the police were unfortunately brought up. My father yelled at me that night, threatening me with a therapist. After a few hours of screaming he grew tired, eventually wandering off to get drunk. I watched as he slammed the door, my mind frozen.

Then like every other time my father had yelled at me, my beloved appeared, only he wasn't the same. Instead of the sweet, innocent guy I knew, he was scary. No, terrifying. His blue eyes had turned ten shades darker and he had this dark look. His face was set in a hard glare. He burned the door with his gaze. Then, he had suddenly whipped towards me.

"What are you gonna do?" I remember he asked. The intensity of his voice had frightened me. He pressured me, leaning over me, his eyes now burning into me. I hadn't known though. I thought it would have been like every other time. A yell, a threat, and no consequence. But that wasn't it for him. He insisted I answer his questions.

"How far would you go for us to be together? Do you even care about me? Tell me, Tell me," I begged him to believe that I loved him. That my fathers words meant nothing but I could see the worry that lurked in the depths of his dark eyes. Slowly his voice rose higher and higher, and I had begun to fall for each word. He reminded me of my incompetence with therapists. I was horrible at keeping anything from their penetrating eyes. I, myself, began to worry. I couldn't live in reality, the pressure was to much for me. I needed my worlds, my stories, my friends, my love. I needed it all. I needed those lies to live.

"They'll say this is wrong," he had whispered, the intensity still there. "They'll make you stop this. Is that what you want? No adventures. No battles. No me...Don't you want us to be together? They're going to try to pull us apart."

I had began to panic. They couldn't do that. I couldn't live without him. He made everything brighter, everything greater, he made life worth living. I remember I couldn't breathe, I had begun to shake. He had consoled me. Shushing away my sobs and wrapping me in his warm arms. While rubbing my back he told me to stay calm, that no matter what we would stay together. Said he had the best plan for us to be together forever. And with the threat of losing my love still roaming my mind, he began to whisper the plan.

"After this," he hushed in excitement, "We will be together forever." So I listened and I watched. I can't remember what he had exactly said that night, but strangely enough his face at that moment is forever lodged in my mind. The dark eyes had gone back to that beautiful blue. A slight shadow lurking in one and a spark of happiness in the other. His smile had been wide with love, teeth as white as snow, and lips perfectly kissable. He had looked perfect at that moment. The same as always, but somehow better. I would like to lie to you and say his charming good looks are what had gotten me to do what I had done, but that's a lie. I did what I did because I knew that past his looks, his words, and everything else, inside lay a person who loved me. And I would do anything for that person.

"We need your fathers gun," my love said to me.