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i try to balance my thoughts
on a tightrope at 11am
too bad i'm a clumsy gymnast
i create solutions for problems that don't exist
and see the future
in a false reality
i'm a horrible psychic
i play tug of war with my insecurities
while ignoring all positive thoughts
sometimes i lack the strength
to believe in myself
why does my mind play tricks on me?
i know i am great, aren't i?
damnit i'm doing it again
it's 11:59 am
in one minute, or
sixty seconds, or
sixty thousand milliseconds,
today will be gone
and today will be yesterday and
tomorrow will be today
my mind wanders
i tend to think about something that happened
5 years ago, or something that happened 2 hours ago, or something that could happen 10 years from now.
my mind is like a hurricane
i think about my existence; really mundane
midnight noise;
nothing is louder than overthinking
after midnight
i left the tap on in my head
leaking out all my thoughts
in my bed
let me drown in these dreams
where everything is not as it seems
as my emotions surpasses
through the ceiling
some days,
i feel everything at once.
other days,
i feel nothing at all.
i don't know what's worse,
drowning beneath the waves
or dying from thirst.
i wanted to write down
exactly what i felt
but somehow
the paper stayed empty
and i could not have
described it any better
But lately, what i've been
crying about most is myself
the person i used to be and lost
and the person in the present
or this one too will be forgotten
if i sit in the rain
maybe i can drown
in something other than
my own thoughts
maybe the world will be blurry
but not with my tear drops
will it be worthy?
or my demons will pop
again in my mind
ah - my demons
though quiet,
are never really silenced.
calm as they may be,
they wait patiently
for a reason to wake,
take an overdue breath,
and crawl back to my ear
engrossed in my mind
it's 1 am
homesick
and not sure where home is
memories rewind
not the same person; such a shame
heavy heart;
makes me sick
dying is the easy part
living is the trick
life;
so infinite
so infinitely finite
a sky full of stars
think it's beautiful?
oh so pitiful
even the stars
chose destruction
over life.
I am destroying myself
so other people can't
it's the worst kind of control
but it's the only form I know
In the end,
it's me
against me
fighting for myself.
hope you enjoyed it xoxo
