Tragically Beautiful

sixteen

Demi; (pov)

Why was I so afraid to face reality? I couldn't tell Wilmer that I was struggling. He would be too upset, and feel guilty. I'm not looking for guilt. I'm not looking for anything. So here's the thing, Wilmer knows my issue with drinking, and he knows that I'm okay with him drinking, (even though I can't) but he still refuses to even allow any alcohol into our apartment. I appreciate it, but it's not necessary. A few years ago, I would down a whole bottle of vodka in the morning, and continue to follow up with other bad habits throughout the day. It became such an issue that I had to go to rehab. I don't like to talk about those few years of my life though. I've changed. But just because I have changed my old habits, doesn't mean they have disappeared. I battle with them every single day. Obviously, I am one hundred percent better than I used to be, but temptation still lurks. Being pregnant, my urges have unexpectedly increased. It's only been 5 years, and the road to recovery has been long. Still, to this day I loose faith in myself once and awhile, but then I realize the love and support my boyfriend gives me. He is my rock, and keeps me going each and every day.

Today Wilmer and I have a party to attend. The reason I am nervous, is because lately I have felt my urges to drink alcohol push through severely. I know Wilmer is there to watch me, but I honestly do not trust myself. He has no idea I've been thinking like this, anyways. It'll be okay. I can restrain myself. I am strong.

With my pregnancy still in secrecy, I was in search of a cute, baggier dress to hide my bump. I have no idea when I'll be ready to announce to my fans that I am pregnant, but they deserve to know.

"Hey baby?" I asked Wilmer as I was in the closet, and he was in the bathroom.
"What do you think of this one?" I asked, stepping out if the closet, awaiting his eyes to look at the dress I was holding up.

He walked out of the bathroom. "It's beautiful nena." he smiled.

"Thanks baby! I'll wear it then" I cooed.

Taking off my bathrobe, I quickly slipped into the unzipped dress.

"Zip me up?" I asked, turning my back to Wilmer.

Wilmer walked over and zipped my dress. He struggled at getting the zipper all the way to the top. I felt insecure. Embarrassed. Was I too fat? Is Wilmer going to leave me when he sees the pounds I've gained? I hope he understands. They body image thoughts consume my mind. Have I forgotten that I'm fucking pregnant? My head was jam packed with all these unbearable mixed emotions.

I've been trying my hardest to eat healthy, and exercise consistently. Keeping the junk food cravings in control, I struggle each day to accept the fact I will be needing to eat for two, sooner or later.

Once Wil and I were finally both dressed, we headed out to the party.

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"Demi can we stop at the store?" Wilmer asked, as we were driving in the car.

"Wilmer, baby we are going to be late. What do you need?" I asked.

"Nothing, nothing. Never mind it was not that important. Let's just go to the party." He replied, keeping his eyes on the road.

He acted like I gave him a bitchy attitude.

"No, tell me." I demanded.

"Demi I'm serious, it's nothing. Just forget I asked okay?" He said with a stern attitude.

Bullshit.

"Wilmer tell me what you fucking need from the store." I was pissed.

At first his tone seemed like he needed this thing from the store badly, but now it's no big deal? I call bullshit.

Wilmer slammed his brakes when we reached a red light. He had his classic 'bitch face' on. I could tell he was pissed, and it was for no fucking reason.

"Woah calm the fuck down." I yelled at him, turning my whole body to prepare to lecture. "If you want to be a bitch, then get out. Walk. I don't give a fuck."

I hated when we argued. It rarely happened, but when it did, we would always blow it way out of preportion. Wilmer believes in communication, and I believe in just walking away, or throwing him out. That's my issue.

Wilmer looked at me; "Im sorry." he said sarcastically.

I wasn't going to deal with him tonight. What was his fucking deal? I turned and faced out the window, and pulled out my phone.

I dialed the number for a taxi; "Yeah, hello? Hi. Could I get a taxi to come to the Providence on Melrose Ave? Thank you. Bye bye." I hung the phone up, and silently waited for Wilmer to pull up to the restaurant. Once he did, I got out of the car, slammed the door, and went home in the taxi.

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I don't even feel bad that I left him. He didn't even question me when he clearly heard me call a taxi, anyways. So why should I care?

I was alone in my house. Hungry, I decided to call out for delivary.

I hope Wilmer comes home tonight.

So many negative thoughts of 'what could happen' were running through my mind. What if Wilmer gets drunk and a girl talks him into getting in bed with her? Wilmer is vulnerable when he is drunk. I've learned to accept that about him, but I have never learned to trust it.

I decided to find out if anyone else was at the party, and could keep an eye on him. Than I remembered Wilmer had mentioned that Mila Kunis was attending, a former costar on the show he was on when he was younger. I happened to have her number in my phone. I texted her;

'Hey Mila, it's Demi Lovato. (in case you don't have my number lol) Did you happen to end up going to the party at Providence?'

About ten minutes later, my phone buzzed. It was Mila.

'Hey Demi! Of course I have your number! Yeah, I am here. What's up? I see Wilmer but not you? Is everything okay?'

We have never texted before, so I'm surprised she even answered.

I replied;

'Actually Wil and I got into a little argument before the party, (that's why I'm not there) and you know how he can get... I'm just nervous. Would you mind keeping an eye on him? I'll take you out for lunch in return!'

Hopefully Mila wouldn't think it was too weird that I was asking her to pretty much babysit my boyfriend.

She almost instantly replied;

'Sure thing! Yeah, I get it. It's no problem Demi, really. I will most certainly be looking forward to that lunch!'

I felt so relieved. Is it bad I didn't trust Wilmer? Maybe our issues are alittle deeper than what I suspected them to be...

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thanks for reading! also, thanks to my girl Emily for suggesting Mila to be the person Demi texted. ILY. anyways, hope you enjoyed, and leave your feedback! (sorry it's been awhile since an update!)