what is depression?

what is depression?
it's a feeling. u feel like u r drowning in ur mind. everything gets too overwhelming and u can't handle this all. u r thinking a lot, u r overthinking everything. but then there is a point, where u just stop caring. u stop caring about grades, about ppl, about others opinion. but at the same time u still care. at the same time. it's all confusing, and u don't know what's really going on inside of u. at some point, u wanna end it all. u wanna leave this cruel world and be happy, somewhere else. u aren't sure if u r rlly gonna end it, but the reality shows u everytime, that there is no other way. it seems like killing urself is the best option. it's the most peaceful way to die. u just take an overdose, and then u will collapse and sleep. forever. and no one can do anything against it. u see no other way. no one is taking u serious, everyone is thinking u r joking or just don't see the way u feel. in school u learn, u r different, u aren't good enough. everyone is better. u slowly sink down a deep hole, and everything is getting too much. u start to fail school, but u don't care. u r failing over and over again, ur life is falling apart and sometimes u don't even realize. u don't feel anything anymore, u aren't sure if u r still alive. u want to feel something and test, if u r still alive. u grab a razor or a knife, and u carefully hurt urself. it feels good, it feels damn good and u do it again. u see the blood running down ur arms, but red is a beautiful color. slowly u get addicted to the pain, cuz that's the only thing u r feeling when u r falling apart.
u hide ur scars, u don't want other ppl to see them. u don't want to speak to them, u don't want attention. nobody should see ur pain and what u r going through. u cut yourself often, u r addicted and need the pain to continue living. u wanna die but live at the same time, u don't rlly know what to do. so u just cut urself. u r hiding ur scars, u r afraid of ppl who noticed the scars. but the scars also show, how u r fighting and how strong u r. but even tho u r cutting and hurting urself, thats not enough. u want more pain to experience. maybe u get addicted to alcohol, drugs or cigarettes. or u just drink substances, u aren't supposed to drink. it burnes urself inside, but it feels good. suddenly all the pain goes away, your soul leave ur body and fly up to the sky. u made it. u left the earth. u r in heaven. u aren't living on this cruel earth anymore, u r in heaven. that's what u wanna experience; death. that's ur goal. that's the only option to see, to make it out of the pain.