Spa day 2020

Seven

"Hey, are we okay?" from behind, a tug at Heeseung's sleeve. He's mere seconds in changing into another familiar garment, a bright pink hoodie Made by Jay.

No one who begins a conversation with that line way thinks that whoever "we" might be are okay. Sunghoon is nervous. Mutuality just happened and he's terribly afraid that whatever they were could slip between his fingers before he had a chance to grasp it.

Heeseung smiles, "Of course we are. Why would you think we aren't?

The response should be a relief, but the vibe is off.

"You haven't called me 'Hoonie' since Jake woke up and... you referred to me as 'Sunghoon' when you spoke about me to him." he tries not to seem so sensitive. He hopes he's just being sensitive.

"I didn't mean anything by it, but I also didn't think you'd notice."

"Why?" the tone is accusatory. He doesn't mean to be, but truth leaks out in his voice.

"I like Jake. He's good people and I know you've told me earlier about what he hinted out on the balcony." Heeseung's eyes soften. They look sad. He looks sad. "He's damaged, for sure. One day he will heal, we'll all help him get there but... He loves you."

"Don't." Sunghoon clutches at his sleeve, distraught, "Please."

The older boy wears a look of hurt, "I know he loves us and I know, he's told me himself, I know he loves me too. I... I don't want to be so cruel." as the words spill out of his mouth, he realizes that he's just driven a knife clean through his heart.

These words devastate Sunghoon. He's not sure how much more emotional turmoil he can handle today. He staggers backward to the closest surface he can find, the steps leading up to his bunk.

Sunghoon falls apart, "Heeseung hyung... please... don't push me away." he tries to talk but it comes out a whisper.

"Hoonie." his voice is impossibly soft. He might cry. He probably will cry. "Sunghoonie..." He can't hold it in. His composure shatters like glass.

In his effort to be fair and kind, to choose a path away from perceived cruelty, Heeseung learns a lesson he's evaded all his life. To throw his own happiness under the bus for someone else was one thing but to cause Sunghoon this much pain, to watch him crumble in real time, to hurt his most precious person... Some causes weren't with the price to gift salvation.

He stumbles forward atop Sunghoon with a new determination, kneels on a step and completely succumbs to object of his desire. "Oh Hoonie, I did it again,"  his arms are wrapped around the boy, clutched in a desperate embrace. "I hurt you. I keep hurting you!

A muffled scream reverberates through his hoodie, he loosens his hold enough for Sunghoon to emerge with a violent gasp, "Hyung, I couldn't breathe!"

"I'm sorry." Heeseung continues to apologize through tears, "I'm so sorry, Hoonie. I will not let you go and I will not step aside to give Jake a chance. I won't allow it!"