Incognito

Believe

Whoever is reading this in whichever year, I am writing this in 2020. The world is on a lockdown and I have been stuck in my house for days now. I live alone...lived I mean. I am sorry I forgot to introduce myself.

My name is Ashwin and I am a student...or was, if by the time you get this I am gone. I am still somewhat alive for now. The reason why I am writing this is because I can feel my end gripping me tighter by the moment for what happened or was happening until recently but I don't want this to happen to anyone, not even to my worst enemy. Right now I am sitting on my chair and my heart is pounding on my chest. I can feel it. The throb against my ribs is all that I feel is alive in this house right now. The cold sweats all around my neck feels uneasy. The sudden chills down my spine is a constant reminder of what I did out of mere curiosity has put an end to my life.
The wooden table I have my paper on is cold as iron. My whole house feels like I am in the middle of the Atlantic ocean. It is July and people are enjoying their summer while I am wearing 3 sweaters with my room heater on the highest temperature possible. I am sweating through my fingers but I have to tell someone what happened. I had no solution for it but maybe someone else will. I have to tell someone before it is too late. I can feel my death slowly succumbing me.

It was the beginning of the covid19 pandemic when everything was closed down. Offices declared work from home, educational institutions closed down for an unpredictable time and I lost my job at the food joint. I couldn't go back home because of travel restrictions. Delhi was hit pretty hard at that time. So staying at home for a student like me was a luxury. Between being a student, a part time waiter and a valet, life was hectic. I didn't know anyone from college either. I hardly attended classes and I worked two jobs to pay my rent and college fees.

In the beginning, it was fun. I used my time to read books which I bought but never got the time to go through and I watched every movie possible on the internet day and even late night till my data reached its limit.

It was like living a dream but it was only fun for a month. Two calls a day back home was all the human interaction I had and I lost that too a few months ago. I doubt if anyone remembers me anymore. Sometimes I cry. I let my tears flow remembering the happy days. Amma wanted me to come home after my internals but I didn't. She cried everytime she called. Cursing Pitaji for letting me come here to study. Chhoti called me whenever she needed me to bring her a new pair of earrings or a new suit.

And then I got infected from the supermarket I used to get my monthly grocers from. One can never be too careful was what I should have stood by but I didn't take the necessary precautions.

Living in isolation and people's act of generosity by shutting windows and cursing from the streets made it worst. Sadness started creeping in and I started feeling lonely. Then I came across an YouTube channel and was hooked to it. Probably in her early 20s, she had a face to remember. Long oval face with bright red hair and beautiful grey eyes. I just couldn't stop binging through her content. It was all about paranormal things, her encounters with such things and visitations to haunted places and busting ghosts. I never believed in anything supernatural but it was fun and spooky and who doesn't like a good rush and creeps, right? But the fun for me didn't last very long.

At around 10:00 pm one night when I clicked on one of her videos where she allegedly contacts her grandmother through a phone. I found that interesting. It was not something usual. She asked all sorts of questions to prove to the viewers that it was all real. It was creepy.  Remember, I was still a non-believer. In the end of the video she said more about how the viewers can try it too, it was exciting and stupid at the same time. She showed us the procedure and how it works but there was a kind of mischief in her eyes when she said, "you will get it, I promise." I was so bored with life at that point that I was literally up for anything. Anything to lift my mood. I had my second covid test two days later. So I still had time to kill. I watched till the very end where she finally showed how the app looks like but there was a catch, it's only available on the dark web. Not a place where everyone visits.
Being a computer geek since childhood I learned fast. Childhood obsession with that was what pushed me into pursuing it as a career option.