Once there was a girl
She was a pearl
She was so loved by one
Until one fateful day
He went to go away
She was so alone
No one she could tell
For if they knew, they would blame
And if they knew
They would hurt
I was that sad and lonely girl
Now, I was thinking about what I used to be.
I used to long for love but then I found it was just going to hurt
I missed all we had
I missed the memories
The things we used to do
And the things we used to love
I always thought we could be one in a million
That we could stay together forever
But no..
I was so tired!
I was so drained!
I was so broken!
I rocked back and forth in my room and cried over and over screaming in my mind for help that wouldn’t come.
When someone asked how I was I said I was fine, great, wonderful even!
It was all a lie.
All a ruse set so that I might be able to do others a service and not bother them with my petty sickening sorrow.
No one cares.
I am but a burden.
If I died everyone would be happier.
Why am I like this?
Who am I?
Was it all a lie?
Why am I so naive, fragile, and stupid?
So very stupid.
I rocked back and forth crying and crying.
Saying these horrible things to myself
Asking these questions that tore me apart till I was nothing but a shell of the girl I used to be.
A part of me still is that shell of a girl.
I will not deny that much.
But when you have felt that horrible pain inside your chest and stomach it’s hard to forget.
There will almost always be a scar engraved so deep in your mind you can’t ever fully forget the pain or words said or thought.
You try to push it into the back of your head and forget it all.
The pain.
The sorrow.
The things you said or heard.
The things you did.
The regret.
But they will always come back.
Come back to haunt you.
Those decisions and thoughts that you made and thought can’t ever be taken back and you know it.
So you try to forget.
You try your hardest to erase your past but you can't.
You never could nor can.
Because you never believed you could ever do anything.
You always thought you were nothing or weren’t good enough when you were and are everything and good enough.
You are pretty or handsome.
Amazing and awesome.
Not ugly or nothing.
There are others out there who struggle to get up in the morning, talk, or do anything for fear of what could happen or for fear of what they might do.
There are others in this world of trials and tribulations who cry each night
Help me.
There are others who close themselves off from love for fear of having their hearts broken.
There are those out there that close themselves off to others because they think they are a burden to others when they are not.
There are those who struggle and hurt.
There are others who think they and the world would be better off without them.
And there are those who actually commit suicide because of it all.
Understand please that if you’re going through anything like this or worse out there you are not alone and never will be.
There will always be haters, hardships, or trials.
And almost always there will be heartbreak.
Just know YOU are not alone.
Never have been and never truly will be.
No matter what happens.
So please…
Don’t go to suicide in order to solve it all…
It will never/ never will truly be solved and you will be missed…
I promise you that things will get better.
It may not be now or soon but it will.
Though you may think it won’t ever truly be better.
It will be.
It will get better if you truly hope and believe it will.
It’s all a matter of point of view.
I used to think the world was only horrible, dark, bitter, and sad but then I came to light of the things to be grateful for and love.
Some may say that it’s easy for me to say and it is.
It truly is.
However, I said it with knowledge of how hard it is to do when it seems as if the whole world is against you.
I know you can get out of these things if you just try and hope and believe you can.
So please.
Heed my words and think on them.
