- ! 𝒃𝒊𝒐 ☕️

Vent post

Please ignore if you're easily triggered. Just using this chapter to vent since I genuinely have no friends to vent to..

I had this online friend who I used to be friends with on discord. Let's say.. he went by "cat." Well Cat was always misunderstood by my other friends and was mistaken for putting a selfie with his "print" showing. He was 18 in a server with minors, so he was very offended and left because he didn't want to be seen as a pervert since that print wasn't his intentions. He and I stopped being friends because he wouldn't leave me alone about the situation and it was making me uncomfortable..

Well then I met someone by the name of "Luck"
He and I would voice call often and even played video games together like Apex, minecraft, etc.
His friend would occasionally join us and I even got to know his friend. Well sometimes he would say "cat" in our calls then say he didn't he said something else. Plus as I started to think about it, his voice sounded just like cats voice did. I just didn't realize it because Cat and I almost never vced but me and Luck always vced. When I confronted him about it he got mad at me for assuming and when I asked his friend, his friend ss my question and sent it to luck. Luck got mad saying I never trusted him and was talking about how that makes me a bad friend..

When I accused him for gaslighting me (because he was) he got more mad. But when I said I wasn't going to talk to him anymore he admit to being cat. For months he had so many chances to tell me and even when I asked him he told me no. He made me feel like a terrible person..

Then when I forgave him for lying to me about that we continued talking and playing games. About 2 months later he got mad at me for something. I don't remember what but it ruined our friendship. I blocked him on all my accounts except for one I had forgot about. He dmed me through there telling me he was sorry and we started talking again and made up.

Then his friend (the one from earlier), we used to send videos and tiktoks to eachother all the time and keep in mind he has a girlfriend btw
He kept sending me inappropriate tiktoks and I told him (very very nicely) I didn't like that stuff. He told me to stop being so sensitive and that I was going to see those things in the real world anyways..
And when I sent him a video that was lgbtq related he acted all disgusted and said it should be lgbbq where they all get burned instead..

I blocked him and left and that same day cat/luck got mad at me for not telling him something. I kept telling him no and he got upset and jealous and said I didn't trust him. Then he starts venting about his life and about the stuff he went through as a child to make me pity him so he could play victim the whole time..
When I didn't pay attention to his vent he told me I was a scary person who didn't care about others..

I was really hurt.. I blocked him after apologizing and saying "for once I was focusing on myself and if you're mad at me for this one time that's extremely selfish. My feelings matter too.."

Well his friend messaged me the next day trying to persuade me to talk to him again. I was finally over him and his friend barges into our business..
When I texted cat/luck after being persuaded into talking to him again he said he wasn't interested..
Now I feel so alone and used and sad..

The worst part is, I've always told myself everything in my life isn't that bad because someone out there has it worse. I shouldn't be sad because someone out there is going through something even harder to handle. When cat/luck told me "your life isn't even as bad as you think it is" it really hurt. In the end I don't feel like my feelings are even valid. So now I just feel pitiful. I shouldn't be upset over this I'm just being over sensitive..

I can't even tell this to anyone I know who knows luck/cat on discord because he didn't want them to know he was cat. Idk anymore..
On top of this there's so so so soo much else going on. I feel so stupid saying this but I find myself giving up on living. I'm too scared to do anything more than self harm. I'm so pitiful ):