The whole filming process felt like a blur to her. She just followed the instructions of the director, her brain acting almost on autopilot as the music started and stopped. She did her best to focus on what she had to do but her mind was somewhere else. She panicked about the camera, worrying about how everyone would see how fat she was once the video came out.
"Cut!"
She let out a sigh as the camera stopped rolling, a feeling of relief flooding through her body. Immediately the stylist ran up to her, retouching her makeup and fixing her hair. All she wanted to do was sit down, but she knew that she wouldn't be able to for a little while longer. One of the staff brought her a bottle of water which she gratefully accepted, twisting the cap off and bring the cool bottle to her mouth, trying not to smudge her lipstick.
After the minute break, all the background dancers and Minju were back on the set. Her head was pounding and every so often a feeling of nausea swept through her body to the point she thought she was gonna be sick even though there was virtually nothing in her stomach. Her body felt more in pain than it ever had but she ignored it, hoping to be able to last until she was able to be in the comfort of her room.
"Alright," the director's voice boomed. "We're gonna start from the beginning and hopefully make it to the end straight through." Minju groaned internally, but nonetheless, she didn't complain - not out loud at least.
She quickly replaced the look on her face as the record scratched at the beginning of the song blasted from the speakers. BTS was behind the cameras, some were watching while the others were having a quiet conversation with each other. Minju kept her mind on the music, doing her best to make sure the choreography was right, lip-syncing so it at least looked like she was singing the words.
As they hit the second chorus, Minju didn't know what happened. One second she was dancing and then a wave of dizziness hit her out of nowhere. Her vision quickly faded and she could barely feel her body suddenly drop to the floor. She heard some shouting and felt a pair of hands on her back she couldn't recognize. She could hear talking but everything was so out of focus she couldn't understand what anyone was saying.
They slowly lifted her from the ground, but she could barely lift her feet up to walk. Her entire body was shaking as they rushed her as quickly as they could into a separate room where they laid her on the floor. She opened her eyes and was able to make out the figures of her brother, Yoongi, her manager, and someone she believed to be one of the staff.
The staff woman sat down beside her and spoke with a soft, soothing voice. "Minju, you're gonna be alright, okay? I just need you to tell me what happened."
"I don't know," she made out. "One second I was fine and then I got really lightheaded and I can't remember after that. Everything was just kind of a blur." In a way, Minju was lying. She knew why but she couldn't remember what all happened, and there was no way she was going to admit what she was doing.
"Alright, well, I talked to your manager and she and I both agreed that when you're back on your feet you're going to be going just straight home. That means no practicing for the rest of the day or tomorrow either because you need to rest. Your brother is going to be staying with you tonight to make sure of that too."
Fuck.
She usually relied on practicing any time something was wrong and now she couldn't even do that. Plus, she knew her brother would watch her like a hawk or call their parents if he hadn't already. Possibly both. She just agreed for she knew that she had no way of being able to get out of it.
The ride back to her dorm was quiet. Neither Minju nor her brother dared to speak until they were inside, and she knew that he would mention what had happened. When they made it inside he still didn't say a word. Instead, he went immediately towards the kitchen and Minju knew what was about to happen again. He came back with one of the protein bars that she had in the kitchen and without a word he handed it to her.
She grabbed it in her hands but all she could do was stare at it. 300 calories. It wouldn't seem like a lot but to her, that was more than she sometimes would eat in a day. "Eat it." That was the first time he had spoken to her since they arrived. "At least just take one bite, please." She could hear the pleading in his voice, but she knew if she ate it there would be little to no chance for her to even consider purging it which added to the panic that had long set in.
She slowly unwrapped the wrapper and hesitantly bit a chunk of it off. It sat heavily in her mouth and she would give anything to just be able to spit it out but she knew she wouldn't be able to. To appease her brother she chewed it and swallowed before taking another bite. Her stomach growled embarrassingly loud and at that point, she just wanted to curl up under her blankets and disappear.
"You know what I'm gonna say so I'm not going to repeat myself," he started and she began mentally preparing for the lecture that she was about to receive. "You can't keep doing what you're doing and if you go any farther I'm gonna have to tell mom. I know you don't want me to, but we're all worried about you."
Minju didn't know at what point she had started to cry, but she wiped the tear from her cheek. Her brother was only looking out for her, but why did she feel so bad? She could handle what was going on herself. "Can I just go take a shower?" She didn't wait for his next words before she was up and grabbing a towel before locking herself in the bathroom.
She turned the water on but she didn't get in. Instead, she was considering whether or not she would get away with throwing up the protein bar she ate. She prayed that the running water was loud enough as she wasted no time, ending up in her usual spot. One of her hands gripped the porcelain bowl to steady herself while the other was down her throat. It came up harder than other foods, her throat burning after.
She took the shower she told her brother she was going to. She stood under the boiling hot water, the water relaxing against her aching body. She didn't stay in there long so she hurried up and washed her hair before she was turning the water off and drying herself off. She changed into her pajamas which were just a simple t-shirt that was too big for her and a pair of sweatpants.
Namjoon laid on the couch while Minju curled up in her bed. She texted Yoongi who had been texting her since she left, worried about her and just wanting to make sure that she was ok. She fell asleep earlier than she wanted to, curled up under a mound of blankets with a tight grip on her teddy bear.
