"the vent"

fuck everything

Took 18 years to figure out and after the 15 guys that dated I just realized some of them have used me for only my body and popularity and that's what happens in high school apparently

I didn't know this I am very much a dumbass and I should have known better and yes I didn't answer you would have thought the guy that shall not be named is already done enough to me you would have thought that would be over with right now it was already happening before I was even have any contact with that guy and I have no idea what the fuck to do I don't know what I'm doing this anymore cleanly I think I should just end it all by now but I can't because I have a girlfriend and I love her very much

also I don't know what else to do I feel like my life is going downward and I don't know what to do God help me I would like to go out do things make my life more interesting so I can get my brain off of everything but being a little is just part of that too and I should accept that and I don't because I get scared I get nervous I have PTSD I'm pretty sure because is it normal for my dad to yell at me?

is it normal for every time somebody every time that somebody goes quiet I think it's my fault cuz of are they angry or mad or sad is it all my fault?! or is it normal that you think you're not good enough to anybody you think that and your girlfriend is hating you because you aren't good enough for her and you just want to impress her just to keep her around

I'm just not good God damn it I'm so sorry I'm going to leave this here bye...