I Think I Love You

Chapter 1

Dear ******,
Last year everything changed because of you. I met you four years ago but didn't get to know you until last year. You're a year older than me, and my friend's brother. When I saw you I thought you were cute and had a crush on you. You were my coach's nephew so I didn't think much of it just thought you were cute. The more I talked to you at games and practices the more I liked you. We had a tournament in the summer and you were there, we had won all of our games so we were heading to the finals. All the siblings and girls were playing Mafia and you were playing with us, I like how you always interacted with us and didn't act like you were better because you were older. We were warming up for the finals and you were with us on the coaches side cheering us on. We ended up winning the game and when all the girls came into a hug you gave me and only me a high five. My heart just started pounding and I got butterflies in my stomach. I told one of the girls afterwards and she was like ya he was just congratulating you cause you did good. Eventually we had another game in the summer and you brought some girl with you, one of the other girls on the team had a crush on you as well and everyone on the team knew she had a crush on you. However only two girls on the team knew I had a crush on you. Anyways she was calling the girl some mean name and just talking about how she wished the girl wasn't there. you always sat at the end near me and cheered me on but since she was there you didn't do that you didn't even watch the game you just walked around with her the whole time. I got so sad because that was one reason I loved the game, you would sit near the goal and cheer me on, it made me feel special and like someone actually liked me.We had another away tournament and all the girls were in a hotel room playing games and talking and you decided to join us. We all decided to play Never Have I Ever. It was my turn but when I said mine it was aimed at one girl but when you put a finger down it broke me. "Never Have I Ever had my first kiss". I mean ya we were at the age when most people have their first kiss but when I saw you put a finger down my heart just broke. Everyone asked everyone who put their fingers down how it was and it was your turn to say and you just said you kissed a girl, nothing more. My heart broke so much you were my crush and then I found out you had kissed someone. Eventually after two months I got over you. Soon October rolled around and we had a Halloween tournament and it was our last game and while we were warming up you were talking to my mom. I didn't think much of it. We lost the game, but when I went back to the car my mom said she thinks you have a crush on me. I asked her why she thought that she said you just kept wanting to talk to her about Soccer and whatever and you would cheer me on whenever I made a save and stuff. After that my crush came back but I didn't think much of it. My crush just kept getting bigger and bigger from the little things you did. During this time period I would look up your name on the computer and try to find your socials I did this everyday in english class and one day i eventually  found your instagram (which was private), your tiktok (which didn't have any videos posted), and a picture of you from your old teams roster.

Eventually all of our outdoor games ended so we started futsal in February. One day at futsal practice your little brothers were there and we were scrimmaging and my coach had them and one of the other girl's little brother pick out the team and the first person your youngest brother picked was me and he said my name and he didn't know any of the other girls names so i kinda got really happy and thought what if you talked about me and what if you did like me. Maybe I was overthinking it but I don't know there is just kinda too much to say whether or not you did like me. One time we were supposed to have a game but it got canceled because the other team didn't have enough players so we just had a fun game with the siblings. I got put on the other team as you and when it was finally my turn to get out of goal I was the only one not scared to go against you even though I was probably the worst one out there. Everyone knew you were the best player on the court but I decided I just want to win and someone has to go against him so I did, I even won the ball a few times from you. I don't know if you were going easy on me or whatever but it made me feel good about myself. Another time in the game you came up behind me and almost made me fall but like caught me on my shoulder and when your hand hit my shoulder my stomach got butterflies cause it wasn't just a way you grab someone's shoulder, no one grabs someone's shoulder like that. I feel like I overthink/analyze every little thing that happened with you. Then we had to go into quarantine so I didn't see you and then you moved back to SoCal even though you only lived in NorCal for one year. My heart kinda just broke when I heard you moved away but you didn't really have a good haircut at the time. I know that has nothing to do with what I was talking about but your sister shared a photo of you and your brothers on the soccer group chat cause you all got buzz cuts and they did not look good. Just saying.  After two months of being upset you moved away I got over you and told myself I would probably never see you again.

January 2021
After my soccer training we were dropping your cousin off at her house and your aunt came out give me one of your soccer jerseys from the team you played for when you lived here, when she gave it to me she said "****** wanted you to have this. He said you and Melissa were the biggest fans of ***** ( the soccer team he played for but for the younger kids.)" That was the moment the crush came back. When she told Melissa (that isn't her real name I just don't want to say it) she said "****** wanted to decided to give you and **** (my name) one because your the biggest fans of ***** (the soccer team). So I could obviously hear the difference in how she said it. When she told me she said you wanted me to have it and then brought up the other girl but when she told the other girl she said Me and Her from the beginning. Once again i don't know if I am overthinking it or not. Later I wore the shirt to one of the soccer training sessions and your cousin was there and saw me wearing the shirt, she smiled at me and with the biggest smile asked if I liked the shirt. That gave me another reason to think you liked me but idk. I continue to have a crush on you and I have fact conversations with you when  I am in the shower because that is the only time I am by myself. I think about you constantly. I don't know if I love you but I sure know I have never felt this way towards someone before. Whenever you are brought up all the memories come back and it feels like I can't escape it. I think I love you. I really do but I am just a silly teen what do I know? One thing I do know for sure though is that I miss you and I hope you miss me too or at least you like me too cause then all of this would be made up in my head. Anyways I hope you are doing well with school, soccer, and football now cause I saw on my coach's instagram that you are playing for your school, I hope it goes well. I don't know if I love you or if I love the person I made up in my head that I think you are. I wish I knew you better, I wish we still talked cause I really enjoyed talking to you. I also wish you were laying right next to me in my bed right now, that is something I am certain of.

Love, ****