Dear Fred

George

Dear Freddie

How are you?

What kind of question is that.
How could you be? You're dead.

It hurts saying that but it's what it it is.
You're dead Freddie.
And I don't know what I'm gonna do.
I don't know how I'm supposed to keep living.

Everything's darker now.
The world lost it's color when it lost you.

I can't cry anymore.
I tried because crying helps, but I can't anymore... I just cant. Maybe I'm out of tears.

I feel like I will never be able to laugh anymore Freddie.

I went through all the stages of grief after you died. Anger, searing anger. Hysterical crying. Utter loneliness. It’s been 2 months since you died, and even now, occasionally, I have moments when I can’t breathe, knowing you’re gone.

I’m scared. What if my children don’t have the relationship we had? The thought terrifies me, even more so after I learned that a lot of sibling relationships are fractious. It felt normal that ours was unconditional, fun and loving.

You would've made such an amazing uncle Freddie.

Remember that time when we put our names in the Goblet of Fire...
I wish that wasn't the only time we'd see each other old.

Mom accidentally called me Fred the other day...
It reminded me of the times we used to prank her together. She would always fall for it.

But it was sad.
She started crying again. Actually I don't think she ever stops.

I can't do this Fred. I can't continue like this. It's so painful... Sometimes all I can think of is ending it.
But imagine what that would do to our family.

I hate myself for this but... When we were younger I used to be jealous of you. You were Fred and I was George.
We were Fred and George. Never George and Fred.

Now it's just me... Just me George. And that doesn't sound as great as I thought it would.

You said you were okay Freddie...
You said you were ready...

Ginny told me she feels you hugging her sometimes.
I do too but I keep thinking it's just my mind playing games on me.

You were wrong about one thing though...
I'm waaaayyy better looking than you!
Sorry not sorry

Anyways I got to go now cause mom called us to help her with the food.

I'll never ever stop missing you Freddie.
-Love Georgie.