Prologue
An aggressive north wind blew past me as my hair danced in chaos. I've met this wind a thousand times before everything collapsed into disaster. It was like hearing a familiar song. You remember splashes of memories of the time you first heard it, happy ones, disregarding the bad ones because at the end of the day those will the only ones that will remain in you. Those were the times where your heart is content and at ease.
But for me, I felt the hug of warmth of my stay in the rancho. When my heart was in the right place.
The earthy smell of the dried leaves, the sharp touch of the bushes, the painful sound of the past. I felt it all at once and had a wistful affection for the past. My exhausted heart hurts while I long for it. I brought my hand to my chest and pressed it as it started to literally hurt.
And right at that moment, the wind brought the past to me.
"Mom? What's happening? Bakit tayo agad-agad aalis? Bakit kayo nagmamadali, Mom?!" histerya kong tanong sa ina na kanina pa ako hindi pinapansin. Lahat ng tao ay aligaga sa pag-alis. Parang hinahabol ng oras. Pagkauwi ko kaninang hapon, nakita kong pinapasok na ng mga kasambahay ang iilang mga gamit sa bahay na dala pa namin galing Maynila. I didn't mind it at first dahil baka gusto lang iuwi ni Mommy ang mga iyon. But then, an hour passed and they're still putting our things inside each white van that was parked outside.
Huminto si Mommy sa tapat ng office chair niya at saka may hinanap sa drawer. I stood there confusingly as I watched her madly and aggressively threw things out of the desk's drawer.
"Mom! Anong nangyayari?" I slammed her desk with both of my hands. I don't usually shout at my mother but the way she's acting is confusing as hell. I never see her in a rush. She's always keeping a posture.
Doon pa lang siya natauhan at in-acknowledge ang presensya ko. Pinanlakihan niya ako ng mata. I saw her mascaraed eyelashes touch the skin of the under of her eyebrows. "Sedon?! Why are you not inside the car yet?!"
"What's going on? You're not telling me what's going on!" histerya kong tanong, sinisimula nang kabahan. May malala bang nangyari? Hindi naman magiging ganito ang reaksyon ng nanay ko kung wala. I haven't seen my father anywhere also.
"Just go inside the car, Sedona La Rue. I'll tell you once I found what I'm looking for. Ugh!" she flinched and cut her hand. I was about to walk to her to see the cut but she shooed me. "Hijo de puta! Just go!"
My mother cursed. It's some real shit. Wala ako sa sariling pumunta sa kuwarto at kinuha ang ilang mga gamit. My school and personal stuff are on my vanity. I don't think that'll fit inside the van nor do I still have the time to ask a staff to help me. Pinagmasdan ko yon bago kinuha ang bag at naglakad pababa. When my mother finished, the both of us went inside one of the vans. Hindi muna ako nagtanong ng kahit ano dahil mukhang wala pa sa mood si Mommy doon.
"Mom—"
"We're not going back here." sabi nito. Natigilan ako roon. Ano raw?
"Mom! What the hell?" sinimulan akong kabahan. "Ano po bang nangyayari? Why are you not telling me anything?"
"You heard me, we're not coming back here!" gigil nitong bulong sa'kin. Matagal kaming nagtitigan. Iniwas ni Mommy ang tingin niya. "Kung may mga naiwan ka pang gamit, mga tauhan na lang ang papabalikin natin. We're staying in Manila for a few months then we'll fly to Madrid. Immediately."
Sabay ng panlalaki ng mga mata ko ang mabilis na tibok ng puso ko. I saw a tear formed in my mother's eyes. I held my mother's hands. Tinignan niya iyon, at saka lang nagtuloy-tuloy ang luha niya. I started to feel her pain that tears started to form in my eyes as well.
