reincarnation (levi ackerman x reader)

• 1 •

TW//

• y/n's pov •

for the past few days, it has been cold and rainy. gray skies. muddy ground. my deep sadness slowly has be creeping back up since he passed away last year. i sigh and close my journal for my personal thoughts. i always end up put my deep thoughts on paper for later on. i got up for my desk chair and scan my room with my eyes. a mess. energy drink cans everywhere from my fear of dreaming about that horrible day. an empty bottle of liquor on my nightstand. dirty clothes all over the floor. tables covered in dust particles. little bits of food wrappers. not much though. i decided to clean up a bit since i havent done anything but lay down or write.
i grab a garbage bag from the kitchen cupboard and the broom. i started picking up the empty cans and bottles from the floor and tables. i look at the bag in digust. motivation withering away by the second. i pushed through though. the massive mess was no more.
"nice job, y/n." i said to myself, smiling a bit. i grabbed the dirty clothes and threw them in the washer. i continued to clean up until the mess was no more. i made my bed and scanned my room in joy.
i smile. a genuine smile. small steps. small but simple steps. i lay down exhausted. i slowly drifted off the sleep. no dream. nothing. it went from 1 pm to 7pm in a flash. i woke up to thunder. i yawned and got up. i went into my bathroom to take a look at my fragile body. scars. bone. oily hair. eyebags. i look at myself in digust. i turn the shower on to wash my nappy hair. i take off my clothes slowly.
i get in and close the shower curtain. i felt the warm water on my skin. i stood there for a bit. a tear escaped my eye. one tear went into sobbing.
"pull it together, y/n." i say that saying he always told me. i wiped my tears away. i grab some shampoo and wash my hair. conditioner then body wash. i turned off the water and grabbed a towel. i dried off. i put some clothes on and my shoes. i walked to the door and sighed.
i got my purse and walked out of the door. i looked at the door that was previously his apartment. i looked away with tears in my eyes. i walked away. down the stairs to the parking garage. i got in my car. i started the engine. buckled my seatbelt. i started to drive on the cement road. thoughts flooded my mind. intrusive thoughts. i snapped out of my daze. i put on some calming music. i took deep breaths and tried to relax. i put into the coffee shop and went to the drive-thru.
"hi, what would you like to order today?" the person spoke over the intercom.
"hello, just a iced coffee please." i said pulling out my debit card.
"okay, that will be $5."
"okay thank you."
i pulled up to the window. paid and got my coffee. i drove a bit and thought about where to go. i decided to go the beach. yes it is rainy and cold. but it is still calming. i parked in the lot. i pulled the key out of my car and got out. calming. no noise but the seagulls squawking at the others as communication. the noises from the waves crashing down on the sandy shore. this is calming. with my journal in hand, i started writing down my thoughts and the scenery as i sit down on the sand. i look up at the horizon. a sailboat drifting on the rough seas. sails up and ripping through the waves.
i took a deep breath. the sky started to send down small drops of rain from the gray clouds. i smiled a tiny bit. i started writing once more.
"a year since his death. on this day, he was taken from me. my love. im at the very spot where we had our first kiss. love confessions were spoken. wind went through our hair. waves crashing amoungst our feet. i was happy. for the first time ever, i was genuinely happy. i remember his hair. his eyes. his personality. im sorry."
tears spilled from my eyes. hitting the paper. that happiness was no longer there.
i got up from the sand. brushed off excess that clinged to my jeans. i left. left that very spot.
i got into my car. started the engine and started driving. tears continued to spill. making my vision blurry. i was having a hard time seeing. i lost control.
bright lights came suddenly. the impact from the hit to my breath. i couldn't breathe. i tried gasping for oxygen but it was too painful. my vision started fading away. my breathening completely stopped. i saw darkness. nothing but darkness.

what felt like forever. there was a bright light.

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