Requiem

Chapter Fourteen:

Minutes tick by slowly and soon morph into long, dreary hours. Sebastian is silent the entire time we walk and, from the look on his face, he seems to be lost in thought. But I suppose I wouldn’t have it any other way. I’m not sure I could handle a real conversation right now. 

I’m too wrapped up in my own thoughts. 

Jasper’s death is running on an endless loop in my mind. Soft baby blues bore into my face, locked onto my emerald hues. His last words whisper over and over behind my ears, like a ghost’s last breath washing over my skin. 

“I love you.” 

A shiver shudders up my spine and chills prickle the skin of my arms. 

I wish I could say the words comfort me. But they don’t. They just make the pain all the stronger. My twisted black heart eagerly eats it up like a ravenous animal and the pain sizzles through my veins, completely replacing my blood with something icy cold. 

It’s as hard as steel. 

My arms wind around my body, hands absently rubbing at my biceps. I think…I think the reason it hurts so much is because I never got to respond properly. He’ll never know that his feelings are mutual. He’ll never hear me say the words ‘I love you, too.’ 

Now I think I understand what he meant by everything. 

The grip on my arms tightens, nails digging into skin. 

“Scar?” 

Robotically, I slow to a stop and glance back. Sebastian’s eyes are glued to the sky, squinting slightly. “I think we should stop now. It’s starting to get dark.” 

I nod. “Okay, who’s going to get…” I trail off, noticing the small pile of twigs in his arms. 

Oh. 

He must’ve gathered them while we walked. I hadn’t noticed. 

Sebastian smiles thinly and bends down. He arranges the twigs carefully and pulls out his stones. With the speed of a cheetah, he strikes them against each other and creates a small spark. A few moments pass, along with a few more sparks adding to the small pile of twigs, and then a small tendril of smoke appears. Setting the rocks aside, Sebastian leans down and begins to blow softly on the twigs. 

And then it catches. 

Flames flicker softly against the rapidly growing darkness. My stomach growls loudly, ripping through the air like the snarl of a chainsaw. Embarrassment flushes through my face as I plop down against a tree and press my arms into my stomach. “Sorry.” 

Sebastian remains silent -back to his quiet, brooding self.

I pull my knees to my chest and rest my chin on the small dip in between the two bones. I ignore the rumbles and grumbles of my stomach. We’re too deep into the dead forest to find food anyways. 

My eyes droop. I feel like someone’s attached weights to them; they’re so heavy. 

But I’m scared to go to sleep again. 

Everything happens while I’m asleep. 

“Tomorrow,” Sebastian glances back towards me, “we’re going hunting for food. I don’t care if it’s zombies or dead bark. We need to eat something. I’m honestly not sure how you can lift your sword. You’re so skinny; I want to hurl just looking at you.” 

“Well.” I huff, glaring. “Way to make a girl feel special.” 

“I’m just being honest.” He shrugs lightly. “I’m sure I’m not fairing any better.” 

Curiously, I let my gaze linger on his body, taking him in. When I first saw Sebastian, he was large. Not wide, per say, but more of thick, with muscles. It was obvious he worked out. And those muscles still clench tightly beneath his soft tan skin. 

But he is pretty malnourished. 

You can see it in the pasty tint to his skin, the hollows beneath his eyes. I bet if he lifted his shirt, I’d see the small ridges of his rib bones. Just like mine. 

I probably look like a ghost now. 

I was already pretty pale before, and if Sebastian’s skin can pale that much, I bet mine looks twenty times worse. Just add some fangs, a little blood, and a black cape and then boom, instant vampire. I scoff softly under my breath at the thought; I’ve always wanted to be a gay sparkling fairy. 

Sighing softly, I curl into the base of the tree trunk and tilt my head back. The clouds that usually plague the nighttime sky have disintegrated, finally allowing a lot more little glistening stars to shimmer through. I count them slowly, basking in their comforting presence. Maybe the clouds cleared because Jasper is gone. I guess I wasn’t paying much attention when Monique passed, as horrible as that sounds, so I wouldn’t be able to tell if it was because of that. There definitely weren’t this many out last night. 

My eyes fall onto a star –a bright, shiny ball the size of my nail. I stare at it for a few moments and then notice the star shining even brighter beside it. And I think of my mom. My lips purse in thought and I wonder if they’ve met, Jasper and my mother. I wonder what she thinks of him. 

I bet she’d approve. 

Flinching, I cast the thoughts aside and shake my head. I shouldn’t be thinking like that, fantasizing over what might’ve been. It’s not healthy. I sigh bitterly; it’s nice to think that way. 

Just like the idea of revenge, the idea softens the blow. 

Tears start to swell up again. Another pearl of liquid rolls down my cheek, followed swiftly by another, and then another. I stare up at the sky until my vision blurs so badly that all I see is a messy concoction of white and black. 

I don’t lower my gaze, however. 

The image of the stars slowly burns into the back of my mind. It’s so pretty, even if the day’s events spoil it. 

But I definitely don’t want to forget it.