to light and guard

chapter forty four

Lana nudged Mary Eunice as she stirred from her slumber, the late morning light filtering through the window. "Hey, sunshine." She placed a hand on Mary Eunice's stomach. Her girlfriend lay on her back, face pointed up at the ceiling, on the mattress. Does she want to be in bed? Mary Eunice hadn't offered a complaint about violating her Lenten vows. She hadn't gotten out of bed except to use the restroom; Lana hadn't even convinced her to eat anything. It's only been two days. She needs time. "C'mon, Mary Eunice, wake up."

Blue eyes blinked. "I am awake." The hoarseness to her voice hadn't faded. The dull hue of her irises focused on the ceiling, not turning her head to look at Lana. She's almost like a possum in the street. Playing dead. "I'm tired."

Propping herself up on her elbow, Lana peered down over her face. "I know. Let's get you out of bed and eat something. Put some cereal on your stomach. Or if you want to cook, I'll help you. See how many fires I can start, right?"

She nudged Mary Eunice at the prompting words, the rhetorical question, but Mary Eunice didn't answer her. "I'm not hungry." Her eyes closed. Lana kissed her cheek. She didn't react. "I'm going back to sleep."

"You've slept for almost fourteen hours. It's time to rise and shine, darling." Lana took her hands, but they dangled loosely in her grasp, not reacting by wrapping their fingers together or squeezing or even pulling away. "I gave you yesterday. That was your mental health day. You need to function like a human being." She patted Mary Eunice's cheek, eliciting a series of confused blinks from her. "C'mon. We can do something fun. Take Gus to the park or something. Have Barb and Lois over for lunch. Whatever you want. But let's start with getting out of bed."

Mary Eunice narrowed her eyes at Lana. Then, she rolled over, resting her face on the cold, firm pillow and escaping Lana's gaze. "Maybe tomorrow," she mumbled.

Lana frowned. "Sweetheart..." I'm not getting very far by trying to reason with her. She sighed and wrapped an arm around Mary Eunice's waist, brushing her long blonde hair out of the way and kissing the pale expanse of her neck. "Give me some kisses." She grunted the words right into her skin, hoping to entice Mary Eunice into lifting her head from the covers. Just let me get my foot in the door. "I want to taste your skin." She nipped Mary Eunice in the neck. Just let me get her into the shower and get her to eat something. Some crackers. Not a lot, but something to put on her stomach so she doesn't get weak.

The invitation stirred Mary Eunice a little. She turned her head and puckered her lips for Lana to kiss her. Lana planted a soft kiss to her mouth. But Mary Eunice severed before the kiss could lose its chastity and relaxed on the covers, sad eyes pinned on her face. "I'm okay, Lana," Mary Eunice whispered. "Don't worry about me." Your eyes, Lana wanted to say. Your eyes are so sad. She brushed the pad of her thumb over Mary Eunice's cheekbones. "You can leave me here."

"Like hell I can." Lana propped up the pillows under Mary Eunice's head. "You need to get out of bed. I promise you everything will look better once you're upright. It gets the blood off of your brain. You had one day to sulk. Now it's time to kick some ass."

She averted her eyes, and a heavy sigh flushed from her lungs. "I don't want to. I don't feel like it." Her skin was cold to the touch. "I feel stripped and empty..." She closed her eyes. "I feel like I don't deserve to live."

More words than she spoke all day, yesterday. Still, the darkness to her tone disturbed Lana. "He didn't kill you." She stroked Mary Eunice's cheek with the back of one hand. "This is still life. It's not so horrible." Her ashen skin was almost translucent. She needs to eat. "You still love God. Right? You still can go to church. You don't have to lie here in this bed and feel like the world is ending."