Trapped in Lace (lgbt)

Ch 9

The morning after nearly shatters Mikhail's heart.

The sunlight filtering through the massive window warms their skin.  They're still pressed tightly together, bodies naked and debauched from their previous lovemaking.  Mikhail had felt pleasantly sore in all the right places.  He felt full and content.

Until...

"We probably should not do that again, we probably shouldn't have done it in the first place," Antony whispers against his ear.

Mikhail is still groggy from sleep and it takes a moment for the words to sink in before he starts to struggle in Antony's embrace.

The arms wrapped around his waist tighten.

"Mikhail -"

"You regret this? Is it because of my bo -?"

"Jesus no," Antony reassures, "In a way, yes, but it's not... Mikhail."

His voice is full of concern and something else Mikhail can't quite decipher, "Mikhail, you could get pregnant."

Mikhail pauses, eyes widening, "what? how? I mean... just from one night?"

That draws a chuckle from the man, breaking the tension set in his bones, "Yes, Mikhail.  I should've had more control and that is my fault.  But coupling with you, releasing inside you could create a new life.  One that we are not prepared for.  I do not know how you feel about children, but I know we've pushed the boundaries of your comfort as is."

Mikhail is no longer listening.

His hand automatically finds his way to his belly, a little lower from where Antony holds him close.

A baby?

More specifically, their baby?

His heart seizes. Does he even want children?

He hadn't thought of that before.

Before then he had viewed his body as something unfit and, dare he say, repulsive?

But it can create and carry life and a baby with Antony... The man's hair and eyes, and maybe his own nose.

It makes him ache.

Makes him want.

But he can't.  This was just casual, heat of the moment.

He finally tunes in again.

"... We shouldn't risk it."

"Do you not want children?" Mikhail asks quietly.

"I do not want commitment."

That hurts more than it should. But he understands.

Before meeting Antony, he did not want anyone either.

He simply strived for his freedom, his right to be who he wants.

"Will you still be here at the end of the season?" Antony wonders, a kiss to his bare shoulder.

Mikhail takes a shuddering breath, "You are leaving."

It's a statement that Antony answers with a hum of assent, "Within the week. My presence is required at Mountainshire as the season finally begins."

"Oh."

Silence falls between them and Mikhail closes his eyes as he snuggles back against Antony's chest.

Too much in so little time.

He needs time to process.

"Come with me," Antony finally beseeches.

Mikhail opens his eyes, and he turns to face the man.

"Come with me to Mountainshire, just for the season, and then... come home."

"Home..."

"Mikhail?"

"Mountainshire was my home, if I return now..."

"I'll protect you," Antony vows, "You will be staying with me, even if I must grant you the title of my ward if only for our stay there."

"My family -"

"Will not harm you, not on my watch."

"Everyone will know of me, of my disappearance. If I return, I will bring you shame, they will say things."

"They will know to hold their tongue."

"How? How can you assure me that I will be safe?"

"Do you think I am not capable?" Antony asks.

"No," Mikhail answers truthfully.

The honesty causes Antony to bristle in offense.

Mikhail sits up in bed, the sheets pooling at his waist.

"I do not wish to offend you," Mikhail sighs, "But I am just another one of your conquests. You will find yourself preoccupied finding a wife."

"No," Antony states firmly.

He's not quite sure what he is negating. Perhaps that Mikhail is not just a conquest, he is so much more. Or the fact that he wants no other than him.

"You know my standpoint on marriage, of these balls and season all together. You know I do not wish a wife."

"No," Mikhail sighs, "You do not wish commitment."

That stings, but Antony bites his tongue.

"I am not expecting you to say yes, Mikhail. But consider it. You will not have to participate at the balls, your presence will not be required. You will be within my home, but you will not be a prisoner. Despite how things occurred before we met, Mountainshire is still your home and I know that you ache for the familiarity."

Mikhail really starts to contemplate, "What of after?"

"You can return with me, back to my home country."

Mikhail balks at that. Country! So far!

"Or I can assure you will be well off and you can continue to travel, to find yourself. Regardless of what you choose you will always be in comfort."

"Okay," Mikhail agrees.

He's still not sure he'll return with Antony to Alborear, a whole other country away. But if he can just extend their time together... if just by a couple more months... if only to settle his heart.

"Okay."

The kiss they share is chaste, and Mikhail melts once more.

He holds back a moan even as his body yearns. They shouldn't. But it's not like they haven't already made a mistake that could result in a child. And it's as if the man can read his mind, his body.

"I can still teach you pleasure," Antony grins.

Mikhail blushes but there is no fight, the internal turmoil gone with a simple, "ok."