We Still (Be With You) | MYUNGHYUK

We Still (Be With You)

To say Myungjun had something against love itself would have been a lie: he didn't. More or less.
Sure, he wasn't the biggest fan of witnessing other people's over-displayed cheesiness, but he knew how to be an affectionate partner toward his other half and a pretty good lover, too, having experienced a few long relationships as well as quite some one-night-stands in his life.
What he actually hated was being the piano man for a bunch of disgustingly lovey-dovey couples. On S. Valentine's Day, while he had been single for months now. That was his problem.
But with his friends begging for help and his increasing need to earn some money to keep going, he really didn't have to think twice to accept the offer -it wasn't like he had a choice anyway.
So there he was, surrounded by tons of heart shaped red balloons, a soft pink light investing the room, rose petals scattered everywhere. In short? A fucking nightmare.
He suspected it to be Dongmin's fault, being the romanticist he was, and he took a mental note to yell at him later (and maybe smack Bin for failing to resist his boyfriend's brilliant ideas -or his pleading eyes and aegyo, to be exact). At least Sanha seemed to hate it as much as him, despite putting on his best, fake grin whenever a client walked in.

Myungjun shook his head, trying to get in the right mood; be horrified by that sugary hell was not a good reason to suck at what he did best. He had lost count of how many songs he had played already -and really, he loved being a pianist, but that was too much- when his attention got caught by Bin greeting someone at the door: regular customers, or friends maybe, judging by how enthusiastically he waved at them.
He stared as the mysterious guest took off his coat and turned around, and when their eyes locked, something dangerously twisted inside him -if it was the famous butterflies everyone talked about when they fell for someone or a weird reaction to the drink he had gulped in one shot earlier, he couldn't tell.
A sense of dizziness took over him as the other tilted his head, reciprocating his gaze with a hint of genuine curiosity: he was gorgeous. Not in an almost annoying way as Dongmin, nor as cute as Sanha or undeniably manly like Bin -it was all and nothing of it at the same time. He was just standing there and yet, he was the most charming vision one could had ever asked for. Myungjun suddenly felt too conscious of himself and the fact he was dressed like a giant candy (another of Dongmin's bullshits, because "who doesn't wear pink on Valentine's?").
His fingers faltered on the keys as he missed a few notes, losing his tempo. Sanha shoot him a questioning look from the counter, cursing under his breath, but Myungjun was too focused on the stranger's smile to notice. If he had thought the guy was beautiful, that took things to another level: he was literally glowing. No wonder the girl he was with kept throwing herself at him.
"Hyung? Are you okay?", Dongmin asked, walking by the improvised stage with a pile of empty plates. "It seems like you need a moment"
"What?", he blinked, realising he had stopped playing altogether. "Sorry, I don't know what's with me. Can you give me a five minutes break?"
"Sure, I will tell Binnie"
Myungjun ran to the staff's bathroom, splashing cold water on his face, cheeks flushed. He was overreacting for... what, exactly? Because of a random, hot man he didn't even know? It didn't make sense, and he decided to blame it on the alcohol, trying to put himself together. He thought he managed to do so pretty well and gave his reflection a thumbs up, proud of his own ability to act as if nothing happened.
Except it didn't work, and as soon as he returned to his seat, he couldn't help but find him again, observing his every delicate gesture, the way he brushed his hair out of his eyes, the small dimple that appeared when he laughed (and though he couldn't hear him from that distance, Myungjun was sure he had the most harmonious voice in the world).
His mind started to wander as he asked himself if love at first sight was an actual thing or if he was simply so deprived of anything to regress to his teenage times, when getting a crush on a different boy every week was the norm. He kept drowning on those thoughts until Sanha had enough and threatened to fire him if he didn't get that damn melody right -that was all it took for Myungjun to get back on track.

By the time he got home, plopping face first on the bed, three facts had become clear: he had probably met the love of his life and made a fool of himself right in front of him; his name was Park Minhyuk and he had known the others since forever, as Bin reluctantly told Myungjun, scared by his almost maniac insistence (Sanha just shrugged it off with a "yeah, he is my best friend, what's the big deal?"); said guy had a quite good looking -and equally clingy- girlfriend. Conclusion: Myungjun had no chances. He muffled a frustrated scream against his pillow, punching it right after -S. Valentine's Day was the worst celebration ever.


Existential crisis aside, the event had been such a success that Myungjun ended up playing at the restaurant a few nights per week, later joining Dongmin at waiting tables every other day. At the same time, Minhyuk and his girlfriend became a fixed presence on Tuesdays, as she liked the atmosphere and the food so much and it was also an opportunity for Minhyuk to meet his friends, always so busy running the place.

After what felt like ages, Minhyuk talked to him: as expected, even his voice was nice. Foolish of Myungjun to think he could have easily gotten over him.
"Myungjun-ssi?", he approached him after one of his performances.
"Minhyuk, if I'm correct?"
"You know my- oh, right, Bin hyung has probably told you", he chuckled. "Nice to meet you"
"My pleasure. I hope you enjoyed the show!"
"That's why I am here. Your playing is beautiful, I-", he looked nervous, shifting from one foot to the other. "I just wanted to compliment you, I don't know why I didn't do it earlier"
Myungjun had to remind himself to breath properly.
"Better late than never, isn't it?", he joked. "But thank you, I'm glad you appreciated it"

And that was it, nothing more had happened after that small interaction, save for awkward smiles and respectful bowing to acknowledge each other presence.
Myungjun was freaking out. Just a little.
Seeing Minhyuk every week was a blessing, but not doing anything about it was equally unnerving. He didn't even know if he wanted to make a move: what was his purpose, try to make Minhyuk fall in love with him? Become his friend and then being left with the biggest, one-sided crush?
It was absurd either way, so he settled for putting his heart at peace and staring from afar, as hard as it was. He tried his best to keep it cool and not make a scene for whatever stupid reason, if only to spare Sanha from multiple mental breakdowns at the tender age of twenty-four -he was already full of Bin and Dongmin's shenanigans and affectionate nicknames, no need to stress him even further with his nonsensical love dilemmas.
But all of them had noticed even if they stayed silent, he was sure of it. Mostly because he kept pestering them to get as much information as he could -after all, being out of the competition didn't mean he shouldn't had been prepared. Just in case. That totally clashed with his promises of letting it go, and he was starting to feel bad since Minhyuk knew nothing about him, but on the other hand, Myungjun couldn't deny he was drawn to him. Even then, was it really that problematic to fantasize so much? The fact they had friends in common he could ask stuff to was not his fault either.
Dongmin had sighed and told him to choose the acting path instead, if he really wanted to be so melodramatic.



Unexpectedly, some time later, the situation had taken an interesting turn.
"Hyung, since when you and Minhyuk are close?"
"We are not?"
Bin frowned. "Weird. He came looking for you yesterday, I thought-"
"He did what!?", Myungjun not-so-gently screamed in his ears, only to realize he sounded a little too happy about it. "I mean, uh, why- what did he say?"
"I don't know, Sanha talked to him", he gestured towards the younger.
Not exactly a good thing, Myungjun considered, after all they called him evil maknae for a reason.
"I have told him your shifts", Sanha rolled his eyes. "You owe me one, hyung"
Okay, maybe he wasn't that bad.

Minhyuk showed up the next day. Alone. While Myungjun was busy making grossed out faces at Bin and Dongmin, shamelessly kissing in a corner right before their lunch service started. He blushed as the other waved and moved closer, mentally reminding himself to stop looking so stupid every time they met.
"Hello", Minhyuk greeted, taking a seat next to him and letting out a gagging sound once he noticed the couple. "Are they always this... passionate?"
"You have no idea"
"Someone needs to get you out of here, Myungjun-ssi"
"Yeah, but save Sanha first, that poor boy is losing his mind", Myungjun laughed. "And you can call me hyung, I don't like formalities"
Minhyuk nodded, fidgeting with the laces of his sweatshirt as silence settled between them -it was uncomfortable, a lot more than what Myungjun had expected. In his daydreams, Minhyuk had fallen for him in no time, giving life to the most amazing, romantic love story ever. That was impossible, of course, but not being able to have a decent conversation was a harsher reality than Myungjun had hoped. They were complete strangers, he realized.
"Do you want me to, uh, call the others so you can-"
"No!", Minhyuk exclaimed. "It is fine, I just-"
"Yes?"
"I wanted to, well, get to know you better? Outside your music, I mean", he scratched his head, embarrassed. "Sanha always talks about you and Dongmin and Bin hyung are your friends as well, I thought that maybe- shit, this sounds so random, I am sorry"
He was cute, Myungjun thought. Whether it was a I need to protect you like a little brother or please be my boyfriend and let's cuddle for hours kind of adorable, that was still to be decided. But he had nothing to lose, didn't he? Damn, his crush was showing actual interest in him!
"Sure", he agreed with a shy smile. "That would be nice"

Minhyuk was definitely more than just cute and good looking, Myungjun found out as they tried to deepen their relationship. He had so many different sides that it was fascinating to watch him interact with others: he was sweet and caring toward his girlfriend, loud and chaotic with Sanha and Bin, thoughtful and calm whenever he sat with Dongmin to have one of their long conversations or give each other advices.
When it came to himself, however, Myungjun didn't know if they could even be considered friends; as much as Minhyuk seemed to appreciate his piano skills and his company, stopping by for a while almost every single day, was there a bond between them? Minhyuk had made an effort to get closer first and nothing suggested that he despised or hated him, but no matter how many weeks had passed, the thin wall between them didn't budge, as if they kept missing a crucial step to fully click with each other once and for all.


That until Jinwoo (who somehow already knew Minhyuk, too -how was the whole world aware of his existence but Myungjun? It was unfair) invited them all to hang out at his house. To drink. An announced disaster, one would had said -and they would had been right. If only Myungjun knew how quickly things were about to escalate, he would had probably declined and spent one of his rare free nights doing something else -anything. But Jinwoo had insisted -he could be quite convincing when he wanted to- and Myungjun couldn't really let his best friend down, so he tagged along.
And maybe alcohol wasn't the healthiest way to get comfortable with each other, but he was grateful for it, because Minhyuk had never been so relaxed in his presence before; sitting together on the couch, they had shared memories and secrets and glasses of beer, finally opening up. The possibility for their usual embarrassment to show up again as soon as they sobered up was high, almost a certainty, but Myungjun didn't want to think about that -he felt good, and he was going to enjoy it at fullest.

"Yah, you lovebirds, wanna play?", Jinwoo slurred, handing them a joystick.
Myungjun loved him to the core, but sometimes he just wanted to shut his mouth for good. "No, you idiot, I don't want to"
"Don't treat me like this", he complained, punching his shoulder. "Hyuk-ah?"
"Thanks, but I think I might throw up if I stare at a monitor for more than two seconds", Minhyuk refused.
"Sanha will be my victim then", Jinwoo giggled, dragging the youngest in front of the bedroom's TV despite his protests. "Have fun, you two!"
"God, I hate him", Myungjun snorted, leaning against the cushion.
"You can't deny he is cool"
"Yah, I am way better!"
"I never said you aren't", Minhyuk clarified, poking his side. "I like you"
"For real?"
"Why would I lie?"
Myungjun stared at him. "Because you are drunk as hell and have no idea of what you are saying?"
"I am just a little bit tipsy, it's not that bad!"
"Try to get up", he challenged, catching him when Minhyuk ungracefully fell back onto his lap, legs giving in. "See? You can't stand soju at all, stop acting like you are a professional drinker or something"
"Jinwoo is right, you are mean"
"At least I don't go insane after two shots", he countered, glancing at Bin and Dongmin laughing hysterically in the kitchen. "You kids are such a nuisance"
"Sorry, I didn't want to be a bother"
"Just be more careful next time, okay?", Myungjun sighed. "I can't always be around to rescue you"
"Got it", Minhyuk smiled, making himself comfortable in that strange, half-hug. "You are sweet, hyung"
"Thank you, I guess? Now shut up, my head is starting to hurt"
"You know what you also are? Beautiful. And funny and smart and so talented-"
"What are you trying to do?"
"Explaining why I like you", he pouted. "Since you don't believe me"
"That sounds even more ridiculous, you are out of your mind"
"What if I am?", Minhyuk whispered, now just a few inches from his face. "What would you do?"
Myungjun wasn't any less wasted than him, but he knew exactly what was about to happen and it wasn't right. Not when Minhyuk had a relationship, not when they were too intoxicated to think straight. And especially not when their own friendship was still undefined -it would have only brought more troubles and regrets.
"We shouldn't, really, it will be a mess"
"You don't have to force yourself", Minhyuk said softly. "It's okay, I understand"
"It's not that, I-I like you too"
"But?"
"There will be consequences", he murmured.
"I don't care, I can face them. I know what I am doing, Myungjun"
"You don't. And it is still hyung for you"
"Whatever", he smirked. "But trust me, I am not clueless"
"Are you sure? Like, hundred percent sure you want this?"
"Yes", Minhyuk nodded. "But if you wish, we can pretend I never asked and just forget about it"
Somewhere in the back of Myungjun's mind, a voice dangerously resembling Sanha's was begging him to stop, to not do anything reckless, to walk away. And he would have listened to it, if only Minhyuk's mouth didn't look so damn inviting.
"Just this once", he gave up. "It won't happen again, did you hear me?"
"As you please"
"And for god's sake, don't tell the others"
"I have no intention to, hyung, I'm not dumb"
"Good, because that would be a fucking nightmare"
"Yeah, and we don't want that", he laughed, caressing his cheek. "Or do we?"
"Absolutely not", Myungjun shook his head at the absurdity of that conversation. "Minhyuk?"
"Mh?"
"Just kiss me already, would you?"
Minhyuk shot him the loveliest smile, eyes lost in his, finally closing the distance between them. As their lips found each other over and over and over, needy but delicate at the same time, Myungjun thought it was worth it. It was crazy and wrong and someone -most likely himself- was going to end up hurting, but he wanted to risk. At least for that night. Carpe diem, they said.

Myungjun woke up with the worst hangover he had ever had and Minhyuk sleeping peacefully on top of him. It took a while to realize it had not been a dream and when it sank in, he nearly screamed out loud. Saying he didn't enjoy it would have been a lie, but guilt now filled every fiber of his being -what the hell were they thinking? That wasn't good. At all.
Yet, when he glanced down, he couldn't help but melt: Minhyuk looked so innocent and at ease in his arms, and it felt so right, as if they had been together for years. Myungjun wanted to freeze time and make that moment last forever.
He was so focused on Minhyuk's even breathing, lightly stroking his hair, that he missed Sanha approaching, sitting on the armchair next to him.
"You are awake, it was about time", he said, handing him a glass and some aspirins. "Here"
"Thank you, I needed it"
"No problem. Well?"
"What?"
"When will you ask Minhyuk out?"
Myungjun almost choked on his water. "I'm sorry?"
"It has been months, you literally give him heart eyes all the time. And after yesterday-"
"How do you- great, I'm doomed"
"I just happened to pass by while you were making out", Sanha shivered. "I thought Dongmin and Binnie were disgusting but you two are no joke either"
"Yah, shut up!", he blushed. "Wait, where is everyone?"
"They left earlier, and Jinwoo hyung is still passed out", he shrugged. "It's our day off, you can take it slow"
"Thank god, I'm worn out"
"Yeah, I see that. Busy night, huh?"
"Can we talk about this later?", he begged, gesturing at Minhyuk.
"Don't worry, he doesn't hear a thing when he sleeps", Sanha reassured him. "What happened, hyung? You still have your clothes on, I suppose you didn't-"
"For fuck's sake, Sanha, of course we did not! He has a girlfriend!"
"That didn't stop you from kissing him"
"He went for it first, don't try to put all the blame on me"
"I am not, you are both at fault here"
Myungjun couldn't disagree, it had been a mistake on both sides. "I hate to admit it but you are right"
"Why would you- ah, nevermind. You still didn't answer my question, what happens now?"
"Nothing"
"You have to be kidding me"
"I can't, Sanha-ya"
"Why?"
"It's not like I can go and snatch Minhyuk from her!? And what we have done is awful enough, it has to stop before it worsens"
"This is why I don't get involved in romantic crap, that shit literally fries your brain"
"Yah, watch your language!"
"I am not fifteen anymore, you know?"
Myungjun smiled. "Sometimes I forget that"
"The cons of being old", Sanha mocked him. "So let me get this straight: you are just going to sit there and suffer, acting like everything is okay?"
"Not the best perspective but yes, you got the point", Myungjun murmured as Minhyuk hugged him tighter, still sound asleep. "I can only hope he doesn't remember anything, it will be easier"
"We will see about that", he said, not fully convinced. "Just treat Minhyuk nicely no matter the outcome, okay? And don't be too harsh on yourself"
"Are you sure you are the youngest? You sound like my grandpa"
Sanha patted his shoulder sympathetically. "This is how you become when your friends are complete dummies and need to be guided"
"Stop it!", Myungjun laughed, shoving his hand away. "But thank you, I appreciate your support or whatever it is"
"I will pray for your soul", he winked, getting up. "I will be in Jinwoo hyung's room, call me if you need"

Myungjun nodded, burying his nose into Minhyuk's hair. He felt exhausted, not only due to the painful headache that was still tearing him apart; he was an emotional wreck, doubts and feelings bottling up and threatening to burst. Love was maybe an exaggeration, given the current state of things, but he knew it was different from everything he had experienced in the past.
He was still lost in his own thoughts when Minhyuk woke up and blinked at him, confused. "Hyung?"
"Hey", he said, trying to slow his heartbeats down. "How are you feeling?"
"Like I have just been hit by a truck", he grimaced at the bright light investing the room, closing his eyes again. "How much did I drink?"
"Enough to not be able to stand on your feet", Myungjun laughed. "But I did the same so I won't judge you"
"What about the others?"
"They are fine, don't worry"
"Good", he sighed. "Please tell me I didn't embarrass myself in front of everyone"
He does not know, Myungjun assumed, but he needed to be sure. "You recall nothing at all?"
"I remember we were talking and then-", a pause. A very long one. Minhyuk scrunched his nose, thinking. "I have no idea, it's all blank"
Myungjun breathed in relief. "We just fell asleep here, that's it"
"I didn't want to make you uneasy", Minhyuk's cheeks reddened as he realized the position they were in. "Let me get up and-"
"You can stay, I don't mind"
"Your back will break at this rate, hyung", he said stubbornly, getting off and helping him to sit up. "There. I'm sorry you had to suffer because of me"
Myungjun mentally cursed at the sudden loss of warmth. He felt empty, and that only made things harder.
"Can I ask you something?", Minhyuk said after a while, breaking the silence.
"Yeah, go ahead"
"Would you still talk to me if it wasn't for the guys?"
"Uh?", Myungjun frowned. "What do you mean?"
"It's just- sometimes I feel you are forcing yourself, as if you kind of... dislike me?"
"Minhyuk-"
"I really want us to be friends", he mumbled, staring at the floor. "But I don't think it is working and that makes me sad"
Myungjun didn't know whether to laugh or cry. "Do you want to hear something funny?"
"What?"
"I thought you resented me"
"No way, hyung! Why did you...?"
"For the same reasons you believed it, I guess", Myungjun shrugged. "Sorry if I gave you the wrong impression"
"So you don't hate me?"
"No, not a bit"
"Now I feel stupid", Minhyuk confessed. "Can we start over? If you want?"
Myungjun knew that even if he tried his luck, in a parallel universe in which Minhyuk was single and miraculously said yes, it wouldn't have lasted. Maybe trying so hard to impress him, forget him, or even expect something more to happen wasn't the right way. Maybe he should have just tried to be his friend for real, before anything else.
"Let's put a bit more effort into it this time", he offered. "Both of us"
Minhyuk smiled so brightly he was almost painful to look at. "I will do my best"


So they were back to the starting point, there was no escape.
With Minhyuk sticking by his side and putting all his energy into their newfound connection, Myungjun contemplated banging his head on a wall, just to come to his senses once for all.
His crush never subsided completely -if anything, he kept finding reasons to fall even more in love with him. But Minhyuk's intentions were so pure and he was so nice to be around, so honest in his actions and words once he got enough confidence to truly be himself -no matter how much Myungjun still liked him, he had to put that aside and make a proper attempt. He just needed some time to sort it all out, to find a balance -and slowly but steadily, it got better. There were still days when Minhyuk was exceptionally perfect to his eyes and made his resolution crack, but most of the time, Myungjun was alright. Being just friends was still better than losing him, as draining as it felt, and he did not want Minhyuk out of his life. It was a compromise he was willing to accept.

Except for one, not so small detail.
"Oppa!"
And there she was, Myungjun's worst enemy. Childish to think of her like that when he was the one out of place, when he shouldn't have been bothered by her presence, but he couldn't help it: his irrational side still believed that if it hadn't been for her, maybe he would have had a chance.
"We need to go, it's late", she whined, taking Minhyuk's hand.
Myungjun saw him flinching. It had been subtle, almost imperceptible, but something had flashed in his eyes before he forced himself to smile back at his girlfriend.
"I am sorry, hyung, I would like to stay but-"
"It's okay, don't worry. See you next week?"
"Yeah, I- we will be there"
Myungjun had to hold back a laugh, because Minhyuk was clearly trying very hard not to sigh. It showed.
"Do you think they are doing fine?", Bin said as soon as the couple left.
"How would I know?"
"I was hoping for a better answer, since you are always together"
"Yah, you could ask him yourself instead of spending hours sucking your boyfriend's-"
"Hyung!"
"Lips, I was about to say lips. You two look like you have been glued to each other"
Bin blushed, smacking his arm. "We are not-"
"Nasty? Yes, you are. Sickening, to be precise"
"You would do the same!"
"Not in public!"
"Even if it was Minhyuk?"
Myungjun deliberately chose to ignore the question. "What about him? Why are you so worried about his idyllic love affair?"
"Because I suspect it's not all sunshine and rainbows anymore", he mumbled. "But Minhyuk won't tell me"
"You are one of his dearest friends, he trusts you", he sighed. "He just may not be ready to face it, give him a break"
"How are you so gentle toward him but such an asshole to us?"
Myungjun raised an eyebrow. "Is that even a question?"
"You are whipped, hyung", Bin laughed. "But please, try to find out what is going on"

Myungjun didn't.
Minhyuk's relationship was obviously crumbling down day by day, but he still refused to talk to any of them about it, and Myungjun did not want to force him. He didn't even mind, because the more Minhyuk seemed to drift away from her, the closer they got. It was an egoistic thought, but how could he ignore it when Minhyuk kept hugging him, sending him songs for his shows, texting him non-stop? Jinwoo had found it curious to say the least, declaring that "he has got a crush on you, hyung", but as much as Myungjun wished that was true, he wasn't so self-centred to think he was the cause beyond Minhyuk and his lady's problems. It had to be a coincidence, the universe playing some weird timing joke.

Until Minhyuk and his girlfriend fought for real and she theatrically stormed outside, leaving him to stare at his now cold, half-eaten dinner. Myungjun took him away from people's insistent whispering and consoled him, heart breaking at the sight. Still wrapped in his arms, Minhyuk kissed him desperately, and for the second time, Myungjun let him. Because he wanted to, because Minhyuk looked broken, because he didn't know how to help him. It had happened countless of times, since then. Minhyuk would always apologize right after and promise it was the last, and Myungjun would just let it slide, knowing damn well they were both going to fall again.
She had come back, at some point, and so did the awkwardness, the confusion and everything Myungjun thought was finally over. He didn't know how to feel anymore. But overthinking every single behaviour was not in his plans -Minhyuk still kissed him sometimes, and he still could not find the strength to push him away. If he had to commit a sin, he might as well do it properly and not care about a thing.
Sanha didn't lie, romance was indeed a pain in the ass.

At least he had his piano. To play and make others happy through his music was therapeutic, in a way Myungjun couldn't explain. The notes simply flew out as he immerged himself into classical pieces, into those fancy melodies, and the world seemed to find its right place again.
A sweet, temporary illusion, but he had nothing else to hold onto.
It was one of those days, made of let out frustration and intricate scales, when he opened his eyes after a rather draining rehearsal and found Minhyuk staring at him, so intently to make anyone shiver.
"You startled me, dammit. When did you get here?"
"A while ago, I didn't want to interrupt", Minhyuk said, sitting down next to him. "Bad day?"
"Why?"
"You look stressed. Gorgeous as usual, but like you are about to set this whole place on fire"
Myungjun laughed bitterly. "You can bet I am"
"Which one?"
"Both. Hating the world doesn't make me ugly all of a sudden"
"I guess it doesn't", he agreed, passing him a bottle of water. "What were you playing? I failed to recognize it"
"Just an old piece I am trying to refine. How was it?"
"I loved it", Minhyuk smiled genuinely. "You should add it to the set-list"
"Maybe, I don't know", he shrugged, unsure.
"Is it that hard?"
My entire existence is, Myungjun thought. "A little. But I feel like something is lacking, that's why I keep messing up"
"Oh? It sounded good to me!"
"Because you are totally clueless about piano", he shook his head. "You would go crazy at the amount of mistakes I made"
"Then teach me, I want to understand"
"It is advanced stuff, you can't learn it in an afternoon"
Minhyuk pouted. "Not even a simple one? The easiest you can think of?"
"Will you stop bothering me if I do?"
"Anything you want"
Myungjun took a deep breath. "Okay, try to follow me"

Minhyuk was a complete disaster, no matter his good intentions. Myungjun couldn't help but giggle, guiding him into find the right keys while humming softly to the rhythm.
And suddenly, he realized that was what his song needed: that warm feeling spreading into his chest whenever Minhyuk smiled at him, kissed him, talked to him, whenever he laughed at one of his jokes, took care of him when he was tired or asked the others if he was fine when they didn't meet for a couple of days. But how could Myungjun put all of that into music when it was so ephemeral, fleeting, just a moment of delusional hope before Minhyuk slipped out of his reach, every single time. He felt a lump in his throat as he stared at their linked fingers, Minhyuk's hand fitting effortlessly in his -it was cruel, being so near yet so distant.
"Hyung..."
"What?"
"Tell me what's wrong, I don't like seeing you down"
"Nothing, don't think too much of it"
"But-"
"Minhyuk, please", Myungjun begged. "Can we talk about something else?"
"I- yeah, sorry, I was just worried"
"Don't be, it's not worth it"
"You shouldn't say that", Minhyuk murmured, gently holding his face. "You are always worth it"
If Myungjun was already on the verge of a breakdown, that surely didn't help. Why did it have to be so damn complicated? When Minhyuk pressed the umpteenth, lightest kiss to his lips, he knew he had to make a choice.
"I can't do this"
"Myungjun-"
"You have a girlfriend, she loves you. I don't know why we keep relapsing but it needs to stop"
Minhyuk leaned back, still cupping his cheeks. "Do you really mean it?"
"I have never been more serious"
"But I like you", he muttered.
"Do you? Or am I just a distraction whenever you feel suffocated by her?"
"Hyung, listen, I-"
"I am tired, Minhyuk", he sighed, blinking the tears away. "I thought I was doing okay but being your little secret or whatever you want to treat me as is tearing me apart"
"You are not- I could never!"
"Then what is this? Because I swear, I tried, but I truly don't get it"
"I do feel something for you, I wasn't lying"
"How am I supposed to believe you when-"
"You don't. I have no excuses, hyung, I fucked up"
Myungjun rolled his eyes. "At least you admit it, that's a start"
"I know it solves nothing and you have every right to shut me out of your life", Minhyuk said slowly, voice cracking. "But I am sorry, you deserve so much better and I just-"
He looked hurt as Myungjun never saw him before, almost making him regret his sudden outburst.
"I told you back then that I don't hate you, remember?"
"It was different"
"Yeah, but I still stand by it. If anything, I am angrier at myself for letting this happen"
"It's not your fault, hyung!"
"That is not the point –it is not fair, to any of us"
Minhyuk nodded, defeated. "Is this really the end?"
Was it? Myungjun didn't know anymore. But they couldn't go on like that.
"More like a goodbye?", he tried. "I need time, and you have to fix whatever is going on"
"It's complicated-"
"Be honest and let things go, if that's the case, but stop being a coward and face it"
"You are right, I-", Minhyuk trailed off. "Damn, I am such a jerk"
"You make mistakes, like everyone else", he corrected him. "I am sure you didn't mean any harm but it happened, and you need to work it out"
"How are you still sitting here encouraging me instead of telling me to fuck off?"
"Trust me, I have no idea", Myungjun smiled. "If it was someone else I would have already punched them in the face"
"I will take it as a miracle", Minhyuk mirrored his smile, holding his hand again. "I am so sorry for all the pain I caused you, hyung"
"I know, stop apologizing"
"I hope you will find someone who can love you as you deserve"
It's you, Myungjun broke down at last as Minhyuk stood up and turned back to leave. No one else but you.


"Told you"
"Shut up, Jin-ah"
"I can't believe you didn't see it coming"
"And I can't believe you can't mind your own business and let me breathe"
Jinwoo put an arm around his shoulders. "That's what best friends are for, you can't escape me so easily"
"I fucking wish I could"
"Yah, I might start thinking you hate me for real!"
"You know I love you", Myungjun rolled his eyes. "I am just not in the mood"
"Last time I saw you fall so hard for someone we were like fifteen"
"What does this have to do with-"
"You cried for weeks"
"I did not!"
"Damn right you did! You were inconsolable and thought you would never get over it"
"You better get to the point, Jinwoo, I'm this close to kick you out"
"I am just saying that breakups happen but you will not feel like this forever, just give it time"
Myungjun sighed. "I miss him"
"I am sure he misses you too, but let it be. If it's fate, you will get back together somehow"
"And if it is not?"
"Then it will be a crazy story to tell your grandchildren someday, of how you made out with an already taken man and never saw him again"
"Wow, sounds cool", Myungjun replied, unamused. "Pretty educative, I would say"
"They would love it", Jinwoo laughed. "But I'm serious, it will pass. You did what you felt right and I am proud of you, you have nothing to regret"
Myungjun knew that, but it hurt anyway. Minhyuk had disappeared, not a text, a call, a visit, nothing, as if they had never met each other; he should have been thankful of getting the space and time he needed to process, but he wasn't. He felt lonely. And what if Minhyuk wasn't doing it out of respect but only because he had forgotten about him completely? That thought alone was devastating.
Maybe he should have gotten angrier and yelled at him, but what would he have gained? Minhyuk had never been his to begin with, and even if he had eventually fallen for him, Myungjun knew he wasn't ready, neither of them was. The sooner he accepted it, the faster he was going to heal, he just needed to come to terms with it. Having his friends around actually helped, as nagging as they could be.
"Jin-ah?"
"Yeah?"
"Thank you"
Jinwoo smiled softly. "Anytime, hyung"



He had to reconsider his affection, however, when Bin walked up to him one evening, a timorous expression on his face.
"Would it be a problem if Dongmin plays tonight instead of you?"
"Couldn't you tell me earlier?"
"I know, I'm sorry, it was a last minute decision"
"Any particular reason or you simply decided to get on my nerves?"
"That's not -come on, hyung, it's just a one-time thing!"
Myungjun inhaled deeply, trying to calm down. It sounded rather suspicious, though; they were always so precise and careful to make their schedules match, planning everything in advance -something was definitely fishy.
"Okay, what's going on?"
"Eh?"
"You made me come all the way here, dressed like I am at some fucking prom, and you expect me to accept your change of plans without blinking an eye?"
Bin looked at Dongmin for help, panicking.
"Oh, fuck off, I can't take it anymore", Sanha interjected, jumping off the counter.
"Sanha, don't-"
"There is no special event", he said annoyed. "Minhyuk wants to ask you on a date, we set you up, surprise!"
"W-What?"
Dongmin gasped, mouth hanging open. "How could you- this isn't what we planned!"
"We can't stay here all night waiting for you two to come up with a better excuse, dude"
"Yah, Yoon Sanha, where did your manners go!?", Bin exclaimed.
"Oh, trust me, they left long ago", Myungjun laughed, still shocked. "I experienced it first-hand"
"You should be glad I'm here, hyung, if it wasn't for me-"
"Don't act like you are any better than us!"
"Binnie, don't scream at him-"
"But he started it!"

In the midst of that nonsense argument, Myungjun's mind was in shambles: Minhyuk wanted to see him, to take him out as something more than friends. After days, weeks of silence, it all came back in full power, leaving him breathless, unable to decide how to act. Of course he wanted that, he would have been an idiot to turn him down, but he had too much pride to give in so quickly, Minhyuk needed to earn it.
He was trying to figure out the best way, Bin and Sanha still quarrelling in the background, when fingers laced to his and made him jump in surprise: Minhyuk was gently pulling him toward the door, and he couldn't do anything but follow him. Once outside, Myungjun took a step back, observing him: he was even more beautiful than what he recalled, too pretty to go unnoticed. A deadly blow to his already feeble will.
"You have finally rescued me from that hell, congratulations"
"It was supposed to be a romantic escape or something along the lines but well, this is the best I can offer right now", Minhyuk complained. "So, how- how are you, hyung?"
"Fine, I guess"
"You guess or you are?"
"I don't know", Myungjun shrugged. "What do you think?"
"I am just relieved you accepted to meet"
"You kind of kidnapped me, to be fair"
"That was a... necessity"
"Ah, that's how it is called nowadays?"
"Listen, they ruined it! I had a plan!"
"Why are you being so dramatic?"
"Because I miss you"
So it was happening, they were really going to have that conversation. Myungjun silently prayed for the best.
"And I lied"
Myungjun tilted his head, confused. "What do you mean?"
"That time we got drunk. I remember everything", he admitted. "I was just scared you would have hated me"
"Minhyuk, I swear to god, how many times I have to tell you that I don't-"
"I know, hyung, but I can't control it!", he pouted. "I have trust issues"
"Funny, I thought I should be the one having them considering what you put me through"
Minhyuk bit his lips, avoiding his gaze. "I'm still beating myself up for that"
"You have a conscience, after all", Myungjun joked. "But you could have told me, we had plenty of occasions to sort this out"
"I was confused"
"By what?"
"Everything?", Minhyuk said, embarrassed. "I liked you immediately but I had a girlfriend and-"
"You had?"
"We are done"
"Really?"
"I mean, I broke up with her... she wasn't that happy about it, to be honest"
Myungjun tried to control his facial expressions but damn, it was hard.
"Stop smiling, hyung, she is a nice person!"
"Sorry, it was an instinctive reaction, I didn't want to be disrespectful"
"If you say so", Minhyuk conceded. "So I tried to get closer and... yeah, you know how it went"
"You screwed up"
"Can you not point it out every time?"
"I am just stating facts"
"I have already told you I feel like shit because of it, hyung", he sulked.
"I needed to hear it one more time"
"Why?"
"To know you are truly sorry"
Minhyuk sighed. "Did I fuck up so bad for you to never believe me?"
"I have my reasons"
"You do, but-"
"I missed you too"
"Did you? Like, actually missed me? Is this a dream?"
"I am not going to be mad at you forever", he smiled. "Breathe, Minhyuk, it's okay"
It was freezing, but Myungjun felt weirdly warm. Still Iight headed, full of questions and in need of proper reassurance before taking that step, but Minhyuk was finally back. To him. He couldn't let him go again.
"I wanted to ask you out", Minhyuk's voice snapped him out of his thoughts.
"I know, Sanha kindly threw that information at me", Myungjun laughed.
"Turning this into a whole fiasco", he rolled his eyes. "But if- if you want, we still can-"
"I have to think about it"
"S-sure, all the time you need"
"One dance"
"Uh?"
"This is not a date, but since we are here, grant me a dance and I will give you an answer before the night ends"
"Should we get back then?", Minhyuk held out his hand, waiting for him to grab it as they crossed the street. He looked like he was about to cry in relief.

Myungjun's smile faltered as they stepped inside and spotted the others fixing seemingly pink decorations onto the wall.
"Not again", he groaned.
"What?"
"I hate S. Valentine's"
Saying Minhyuk was mortified would had been an understatement. "I thought it was a nice thing to do"
"Do you even like this stuff?"
"No, but it reminded me of the first time we met"
"Ugh, you are cheesy"
"I don't- I'm sorry, hyung-"
"I am just kidding", Myungjun smiled. "I mean, this is a nightmare but I can deal with it"
"Are you sure?"
"Only for you"
Minhyuk blushed. "I am trying my best, I swear"
"Don't trust them next time and it will be fine. Speaking of which... yah, Lee Dongmin!"
"Yes?"
"Get your ass on the piano and play whatever you feel like to"
"But hyung-"
"It's not a question", Myungjun glared at him. "You said you would have replaced me, do it"
"Don't be so cruel to them, they just wanted to help", Minhyuk tried to dissuade him, laughing.
Bin nodded eagerly. "Yeah, you should listen to him!"
"I will kill you all one day, be it the last thing I do in my life"
"Hyung!"
"Not you, Sanha, you don't have to worry"
"It's unfair-"
"Can't you just shut up and play?"
Dongmin gave up, whining to Bin as they sat side by side and swiped through the sheet music.
"Do you really dislike them so much?"
"Not at all, but they deserve it sometimes", Myungjun smirked, looking around. "Why is this place so freaking empty?"
"I, uhm, might have rented it? Not technically rented, they did me a favour"
"You are incredible", Myungjun admitted, impressed. "But you still have a long way to go"
"And no intention of letting you down again", Minhyuk said firmly, taking him to the centre of the room as delicate voices blended with the piano's slow, soulful notes. "Sanha says you look at me the same way", he murmured against his shoulder, gesturing vaguely at the couple.
"That's gross, I don't want to become like them"
"Why not? It's cute"
"You are cuter"
"You have just said you don't-"
"They are too much, but that doesn't mean I am a cold-hearted asshole"
"It makes sense", he laughed. "I like that"
Myungjun held him closer, hands on his waist -it felt right, as it had always had. But it was their last chance, and mistakes weren't allowed anymore.
"Minhyuk?"
"Yeah?"
"No more lies from now on"
"Hyung-"
"I want you to be completely honest", Myungjun moved back a little, staring at him seriously. "You like me? Great, I will be more than glad to hear it. You don't want to see me ever again? Devastating, but I need to know"
"I promise, I- you don't deserve any more harm", Minhyuk entwined their fingers, sincerity filling his voice. "I have been such an idiot but it won't happen again, you have my word"
"Just talk to me, okay? It is the only thing I am asking you"
"Would saying sorry for the umpteenth time make any difference at this point?"
"No, but I wouldn't mind a kiss"
Myungjun knew Minhyuk's lips by heart, but that time it felt different. It wasn't rushed, he wasn't trembling in fear of being discovered or crying because they couldn't be together; Minhyuk wasn't running away, guilty, nor giving him excuses about his feelings or pretending everything was okay. It didn't just feel perfect, it was.
"So is that a yes?", Minhyuk asked, out of breath.
"Who knows!"
"Hyung, come on-"
Myungjun suppressed a smile -it was quite amusing (and fair) to leave him hanging.
"I am just giving it a shot, don't get ahead of yourself"
Minhyuk nodded, kissing him again. "It's enough"
Sanha was drinking with Jinwoo, who showed up at his desperate begging to have some actual company, giving them a thumbs up as he shoved a beer into the youngest's hand; Bin was still clinging to a very flushed Dongmin, the most stupid, in-love smile he had ever seen plastered on their faces -they were the epitome of happiness.
And at the end of the day Minhyuk was finally his, right there in his arms, fitting perfectly into his hug.
Myungjun sighed contently -it was all good.

_________________________

posted on ao3 too ^^