Baked Goods

5. dish soap massacre

0 5

My second video on Wylde Peaches got 667k views in one day. Once again I was shocked, astonished and dumbfounded by this level of fame.

"Mr Walter!" I called excitedly from the back of the bus.

"What?"

"I am popular on Wylde Peaches."

"This is where your grandfather stole my first love from me. Don't talk to me about that bar." He made a swift right turn, making me slide out of my seat and onto the lap of a middle aged man who looked at me in disdain before going back to his phone.

I mumbled an apology which he ignored before I went back over to my seat and gripped the disgusting pole in case Mr Walter took another turn. He might like going through the windshield but I had a lot to live for.

After opening the Wylde Peaches app, I went straight to my profile to look at the latest comments on my video.

@Bigcucumberatyourservice: 我敢打赌，您认为这会说些有趣的话。

@MarkZuckerbergsthicca$$: I am a Nigerian prince. Give me your bank account details.

@hakunamytatas: I love it...

@Yourglucoseguardian: Come to Russia.

@MrBaker: Perfect technique. Very good. Thank you for your video. Looking forward to more.

The house was quiet as I entered. Nana had drumming classes on Tuesday nights which meant she came home at about 10:30 pm. It was only 10 pm right now. On any other ordinary night I would have been deep into my non-REM sleep cycle but I was growing up which meant staying up late. I felt so grown up that I went over to my laptop, opened an empty Microsoft Excel sheet and played around with it for a while until the cursor got stuck.

I shut down my laptop by pressing on the power button for a few seconds and went to my bedroom. The door that opened towards the garden was not shut and I could discreetly make out ghosts and criminals standing outside. Screaming and running full speed towards the door, I slammed it shut and breathed a sigh of relief when I was not murdered in cold blood.

No one had ever died via ghosts or murder in Lemonberry. Once we did have a thief but as it turned out, Mrs Darlington suffered from Kleptomania. She was currently receiving treatment for it in a hospital in London.

I brushed my teeth and changed into my pajamas to get a restful sleep for my first day of job tomorrow at Baked Goods. Maybe it was also time to open a bank account instead of stashing all the money under the floorboards.

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I woke up at seven-thirty. Surprisingly, despite sleeping late last night, I had no trouble waking up. After brushing my teeth, I hopped into the shower and dreamed about what it would be like to have a shower like Malachi's when I become famous.

Speaking of my employer, I had to wash his clothes. And my own. But, of course, his were of more importance since I was pretty sure I told him I'd bring them back today.

So, after changing into an old pair of jeans and a t-shirt, I went outside to do some washing. I did not need to impress anyone with new clothes now that I had a job.

Nana was reading the Lemonberry Digest, laughing to herself.

"Good morning, Nana."

"Good morning, dear. How was yesterday?"

"I got stabbed in the bumhole and the queen came to visit me at my workplace," I mumbled, eyeing the newspaper in disdain.

My grandmother loved news (gossip) and Gordon Ramsay more than she loved me.