Blueberry Muffins - Hyukhyun

Blueberry Muffins

It was late, but Hyunsoo wasn't sleeping. He never really did these days.

Ever since the other survivors at Green Home decided that he didn't have to stay locked up in the arcade, Hyunsoo was left to sleep on a small sofa in the same room as everyone else. He knew that falling asleep with all these people around was too risky, someone would notice his nightmares or how his eyes went dark as charcoal when he woke up in cold sweat. Not only that, but Hyunsoo didn't trust himself. Not when the monster in his head grew louder and harder to ignore day after day. Who's to say he wouldn't give in during the middle of the night? His monster teased that thought often — pestering him about it, knowing that it would leave the poor boy restless at night. It knew that if it kept jabbing at his weak points and his fears, that Hyunsoo would go nights without sleeping and perhaps begin to teeter right on the edge of giving up.

And to be honest Hyunsoo's biggest fear was feeding into the stereotype placed on him- the idea that he was a monster and didn't deserve humane treatment. If he were to slip up then that would mean everyone was right about him. It was that thought that repeated itself in his mind every time he opened his mouth to speak. That's why he stayed in his own space, not bothering to spark conversation with anyone or eat in the cafeteria. At least that way Hyunsoo would know for sure that no one could find anything "strange" about him to pick at.

Tonight was the same as every night. He laid on his little ripped-up couch against the left wall and stared up at the boarded window, pondering over how he hasn't been outside in quite a while. As an introvert, you'd think he would be fine locked up in this apartment. It was what he always wanted after all; to be left alone inside his empty room.  That wasn't the case, however, because Hyunsoo found himself longing to feel the sun against his skin. That thought wrapped itself around his neck and tightened daringly. Once again he was thinking about how he was stuck in a box with all these strangers who did nothing but murmur behind closed doors about how inhuman Hyunsoo was. Too many times in his life he had to deal with the whispers, but at least back then he could lock his door and drown in some music. Now though, walking out the door wouldn't free him of the shackles digging into his wrists, because even if he hated being in this stupid room with these stupid strangers; his worst fear was the one thing he couldn't walk away from.

Suddenly feeling suffocated, he looked around the room to make sure everyone was sleeping and swiftly made his way out. Once the boy was in the hallway, he pulled his usual black hoodie on. The other day (when Hyun-soo returned from a pretty nasty encounter with the steroid monster) Jaehun offered him one of his clean shirts. It was big; falling to his mid-thigh, and the "short" sleeves hung down to his elbows. Nonetheless, it was pretty thick and kept him warmer than his other shirt had. It didn't cover his scars though, and Hyun-soo fucking hated how vulnerable he felt with them exposed. So he continued wearing his big black jacket, even though it was stained with blood and grime, it was better than facing the scabbed-up marks on his wrist.

He sighed.

It was a routine. He would walk around until dawn and then return to his couch where he pretended to wake up with the rest of the group. Usually, he would think about how to go about his next run or what tactics to use against the different types of monsters on the other floors, but he wasn't forced to go up there anymore. Instead, he thought about what changed in the past week. They only let him stay but because he saved them that once. Hyunsoo groaned suddenly as he remembered the number of times that spiderman built fucker (Eunyu's words, not his) stabbed him, causing him to become fully conscious of the still-healing scars all over his body. The pain was sharp and stabbing into his side, but he was basically numb to these types of injuries. They still hurt like a bitch, but he had been stabbed too many times in too many different places to not learn how to deal with it.