Trap Queen (Plus Size Story) Editing

O N E

B E A U T Y

Living here is torture. Night and day. Day and night. I'm tired of the continuous bullshit I go through. Why am I always the one that's hurt? Why can't leave normal?

I stared at reflection that wasn't me. I'm hurt, broken, and lost. This shouldn't be me. This can't be me. I averted my eyes to the blade in my hands. My hand shook vigorously as I brought the blade to my wrist. I want to end this. I need to end this. As I hovered the blade over my wrist the bathroom door was kicked open. There stood my sister Zatoya.

"MOM!!! I found the pig trying kill herself AGAIN." She shouted. I heard the sound of heels clicking against the hallway floor. My mother appeared in the doorway with a metal stick in her hands. She looked at me as if I wasn't her flesh and blood.

"Are you trying to kill yourself again?" She spoke in a calm tone. She began to take steps towards me and I began to take steps backwards.

"ANSWER ME!!" She shouted. I stood trembling already knowing the outcome. I nodded my head yes.

"Why? Do I not feed you? Clothed you?Give you a place to sleep? I'ma let this be known. GOD HIMSELF WILL NOT ACCEPT YOU INTO HIS KINGDOM. The devil will let you burn until all your fat melts off. He will torture you for being a disgrace to me and this family. You aint shit without me Beauty. You won't leave until I kill you myself." She said as she beat me with the metal stick. I laid on the floor shielding myself from her blows. I could hear Zatoya laughing. The beating went on forever to me. After she finally stopped, I laid there cover in my own blood feeling my skin throb.

"This is going on the book tonight." I hear Zatoya say.

"The next time Ima kill your worthless ass my damn self. Now getcho bitch ass up and clean my fucking house stupid bitch and by the time we get back everything better be spotless." She shouted.I just laid there on the floor curl up in a ball sobbing.  Zatoya kicked me one more time and left laughing at the pain our mother caused me .

After laying on the floor for 10 minutes, I finally pulled myself together and cut the shower on. I striped my clothes and stood under the hot warm. It stung my buries at first but after a minute or two the water began to sooth them. As I let the water run down my body, I began to think.

Is the life I will live forever? Why do I have to suffer? I always thought we could be a happy family like the families you see on TV with the modern size house. Instead we are a disfunctional ass family that lives in the project in a 3 bedroom run in down apartment. This is not what imagine. I remember when my dad was here everything was fine. Love was shown, there were no beatings, I wasn't degraded every second of everyday. Life then to me was great before he left. After he left my mother, Zatasha, began to date drug dealers. She would bring them in out the house all through the night. She even began to do drugs. She started off with weed, when weed stop working she went to the heavy stuff. My sister was sweet as ever before she started dating ballers. She come home at anytime of the night with the most expensive things. The verbal and physical abuse after my mom caught one of her boyfriends trying to rape me. He lied and said I came on to him and that I wanted him to be my first. My mom believed him over me and she beat me right along with Zatoya calling me all kinds of names. As I relived the horror growing up over the years, I dropped down to my knees sobbing. The water turned cold but I didn't care not one bit. I cried because I was hurt. I cried because I was alone.I cried because I'm sick and tired.

After I found enough strength to get out the tub, I limped to my small bedroom. I sat on my bed as looked over the bruises on my legs,arms and thighs. I shook my head , wiped my tears and took out a pair of faded jeans and a plain t-shirt and through them on. I laid in my bed and stared up at the ceiling wondering will things change for me. I heard the doorbell ring. I moved slowly out of bed and limped to the door. I looked through the peep whole and there stood the one person that knows me best.