the daily life i live. Having hope everyday, feeling worthless, going through anxiety and feeling low. parents are supposed to be there for you all the time, sometimes you can see the dark side.
The sound of the birds tweeting, the room turns cold. I slide my legs under the covers as i shiver. Hearing my mom shouting my name to start getting ready. I sit up and stare at the white walls, my stomach gets tight as i overthink what might happen at school. The fear of being left out, the questions i have to answer, the amount of excuses i have to give without saving them off head. Its like all your feelings sink into your stomach. Mom calls it butterflies, i call it a locked swamp of hell thoughts. "Anxiety" "You learn it off your cousin" mom says. "All you do is wear makeup, go educate yourself, being pretty wont take you anwhere" "Youre always stuck in that room, you dont do anything, maybe if you werent lazy you would be appreciated by the family" "Dont always tell the truth, the family is being careful around you, youre not trustworthy" "Youre a house wrecker" "Dont wear that infront of your step dad, youre asking for things" "Youre such a slut!! A slag!! a disgrace! A family breaker! Go sell your ass on the streets to make us some money. Just fuck off from my life, youre just like your dad. Youre woman, youve got your period. Go tell your boyfriend hoes to pay the bills" Yeah, i cant see my mom the same anymomore
Cried alot but decided to put myself on some drUgs, 4-5 cigrarettes in a week. Worked but temporarily. Everyday was getting worse. My family turned on me and i felt helpless. Had no where to go. My dad was the only one supporting me. Enough of the past. This is how my anxiety developped, it all started when i was 11. Worse but wont go into details.
The Late Nights All day, of laying in bed, skipping meals and watching tiktoks, my comfort zone. I stay awake all night on my phone and as soon as i put my phone down. I feel the world pushing me down.
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Everywhere gets so dark. Its like the world is telling me "its your time to make steps". Thats where i get scared to fall asleep and kow that the next day will be the same. Weekends are my relief days. I cant be happy knowing that anything can bring me down in a moment. Thats the painful part. This was my story. Its all a cycle.
