THE EYES OF THE BEHOLDER

read

THIS BOOK IS A MOTIVATIONAL AND INSPIRATION MESSAGE. THIS CHAPTER IS JUST A RANT TO SHAKE OFF ANY HARMFUL THOUGHTS OF FEELINGS. FEEL FREE TO RANT AS WELL BEFORE WE GET STARTED, AND YOU CAN ALWAYS COME BACK AT ANY TIME TO RANT AGAIN. I READ EVERTHING!! THIS BOOK IS ALSO AN INTERACTIVE ONE, SO NO SILENT READERS!!! LOVE YOU BESTIES!! <3

Today i was stressing about life. worrying about school, my work, my family, my pets and my overall health. I worry about myself all the time, yet do nothing to help myself. I dont give myself any rewards, or take time for myself, take a shot everytime i say myself lol. however, sometimes i feel like all i do is make time for myself. I believe i am somewhat selfish and ignornant to the things and people around me. Its not the person i wanna be, just the person ive become. its scary how self aware i am of the things i do. it shouldnt be this way. I feel that i should just try to fix myself but theres no way around it. i am very mentally ill lol but i am aware of this. i went to the doctor a few weeks ago and i was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. i knew i had anxiety problems, but never believed i had depression because ive been brainwashed by my toxic family into thinking im just lazy. and apparently im not the only one feeling this way. my eyes widened so big when she told me i had depression. ive never felt suicidal, even if i say i hate my life and i wanna die, i dont actually want to hurt myself or end my life. its just a statement thats so common. ive never hurt myself or done anything to make myself stop feeling the pain. ive always endured the pain, thats all i do. Ive choosen to grow with it and shape me. instead of shaping it to make me a better person. anyway we live on a land mass spinning at a specific degree, causing different things like weather and people, and we have no idea if theres other life forms on other planets, were just chilling, making people famous even though generations ahead of us will never know who they are. we will only get one chance at life and someone put me on earth during this one, during a global pandemic, my grades are failing but no will remember me or my grades anyway lol ty for reading.

***************************
@.astrhoeworld on Tik Tok

"I finished my shampoo and conditioner at the same time, and I went through two tubes of chapstick with flavors that rhyme. I finally got the good grades I've always wanted, said hi to my favorite singer and he even responded. I've had a sleepover on my roof, pierced my own ears, and got a tattoo. I found my favorite ice cream flavor, and I pet so many dogs that same day, but later. But I don't wanna keep thinking that means it can be the end of a fully lived life for me because I wanna travel the world and visit a few more states and I haven't even gotten a (unintelligible) recipe from my soulmate. I wanna get a degree, or maybe two or three, and I wanna see my best friends grow up and be happy. I wanna surf some more big waves and see the day my dog finally behaves. I wanna meet my brothers kids and dive so deep I can say hi to squids. So maybe some little things in my life are done, but I know in my life I haven't had all the fun. And if you hear this and still don't agree, I promise you lifes worth it, and please come talk to me."