ALICE IN THE WRONG LAND

 Alice in the wrong land

ALICE was beginning to get very tired of sitting by her sister on the bank, and of having nothing to do: once or twice she had peeped into the book her sister was reading, but it had no pictures or conversations in it, "And what is the use of a book," thought Alice, " without pictures or conversations ?" So she was considering in her own mind, (as well as she could, for the hot day made her feel very sleepy and stupid,) whether the pleasure of making a daisy-chain would be worth the trouble of getting up and picking the daisies, when suddenly something strange caught her eyes. No, not a boring big white rabbit this time, but a light brown creature with long pointed ears.

"Hey! The story doesn't go this way!" cried Alice to the creature. "I was supposed to meet a rabbit, and then follow it to a WONDERLAND. Where did you come from?"

Taking no notice of her, the arrogant creature suddenly started to pull out her skirt.

"My skirt!" cried Alice, "What do you think you are doing?"

But before she could make any further comments, her skirt was torn into half, and the creature smiled and said, ""Got a piece of a skirt," in disbelief. "Mistress wore it, and Dobby tore it, and Dobby -- Dobby is free. "

"Dobby? What's that?" asked Alice.

"Never mind, I just can't help celebrating the fact that I'm free! I'll talk to you later okay? Your phone number, ma''am?"

Alice, sad that her favourite skirt was torn by some creature of some other story, started walking in search of a rabbit with a watch.

"That's how my story's supposed to go, anyway," she reasoned herself, when suddenly another amazing thing took place.

This time not a funny looking creature, but a funny looking man stood in her way. Alice was getting frustrated. Forget about rabbits, there was no hole, no tiny garden, or no fussy mouse from the wonderland.

"Miss, you look worried!" said the man

"That's because I can't find my Wonderland!"

"Oh...but you'd like to travel to a candyland?"

"Who are you?"
"Mr. Willy Wonka!"

"You weren't a character in my story!"
"You weren't in mine either. My story goes like a boy named Charlie comes from nowhere, and then I give my chocolate factory to him. But I find no Charlie here. Yes, I did find one, but that one was a big one...Chapling or something. When I asked him about whether he was supposed to be in my story he pointed a long stick at me and smiled like an oompa loompa. Well, that assured me that he could no way be a part of my story."

Alice smiled.

" Will you take me to your Candy lane?" she asked

"Wait wait wait! It's CANDYLAND" shouted someone.

"Who's this?" asked Alice.

" Hermione Jean Granger, department for the regulation and control of magical creatures, minister of Magic, got an owl in every subject, Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.."

" And your point is?"
"Just that it's CAndYlaND, Thank you!"
and she went away.

" Strange girl!" said Alice. "There was no need of the designation part!" She started walking with Mr. Wonka.

"What did you just say? Strange ? What was strange about her...tell me tell me... Her feet too small for socks? Her ears too large for her face? Looked like a professional dog food taster?" said another voice out of nowhere

"Relax, relax, who are you?"

"I'm Sherlock Holmes. But tell me fast....what's the strange stuff 'bout her?"

"Just that she's too bossy and serious," Replied back Alice.

" Right! I---I get it! She is a lady working in a horse farm, and today some horse spitted grass on her, and thus, she gets serious and angry! But the question is, why did the horse spit the grass on her? WAS it angry?"

"Stupid!" neighed someone, " We horses don't spit grass on humans when we are angry, we prefer to offer them a sandwich with extra mud, triple layered grass and soft, warm worms----mind it, best quality!!!! We prefer to make up from it. Mrs...I mean Mr Black Beauty here!"

"But you're ugly!" said Alice.

" Interesting," said MR. Sherlock Holmes, " A horse named Beauty, yet so ugly! Tell me about your master... is he like... eccentric? Is he a part time butter taster?"

"How's that even related!"

"Wait a minute!" yelled something, "We're all in the wrong stories! This way Alice, I'm out here for you! Mr. Holmes, please go that way towards Baker Street, you'd get some better cases to solve than why a horse is called a horse. Mr. Wonka, Alice ain't your character... she's way too old for it---you two are from two different literary eras. And yes, Dobby, please give her that piece of skirt back...Harry has better plans for you!"

Alice finally looked at the speaker. She ran towards it happily! It had long ears, was white in colour, and was really cuddly! Yes you're right ----it was finally the---hey, wait, no! Not the rabbit, again! It was Mr.---- Mr. Stuart Little! Sorry Alice, you've made a mistake once again! Get ready for more shocks!