on the playground where sand lives under her nails, worms wiggle free from the beds of earth, and stray pieces of grass and rock become her new barrettes.
on the playground where she leaves a hole in her heart, hollow.
after Jacob says he doesn't like her because her skin is too dark, too brown, she begins to question her beauty, to see if it is possible for her to like herself less because of that. Yes, she can.
So she does.
Maybe Jacob doesn't mean to be cruel, he says it like it's a self-evident truth; the sky is blue, and so is the ocean and her skin is too dark.
"Like clay," he says.
"Like clay?" She asks.
What's wrong with that?
Everything.
And when her aunt gifts her the doll that looks just like her, she sees exactly what Jacob means. She doesn't need a reminder of her hurt, her embarrassment, so when Mommy insists on her keeping the doll and forces her hand to thank her Aunt, Tawny buries the brown baby doll in the woods behind the playground the very next day after crying the night away.
her mom is fixing dinner in the kitchenette when she says, "I lost it," with a big tear waiting to slip out of her right eye.
She lost it.
.
this new boy, the new Jacob is tan skin, wild dark hair, and freckles. Squinty hazel eyes, a bright smile. He surfs. He skates. He dates girls with blonde hair and blue eyes. this new Jacob is named Jagger.
When he laughs with his head thrown back, Tawny wishes she were that tattoo, the one imprinted on his throat like a kiss.
There's an overwhelming desire to know what he smells like threatening to rob her breath. Probably beachy.
she used to be okay with just watching them, pining after her little crushes without them realizing she exists, but lately she wonders what will happen if she steps into Golden Boy World, maybe she can find a place to sit and stay a while.
Her skin hasn't changed, if anything it's gotten darker but she knows that she's beautiful. Perhaps she can make her Golden Boy see it too. Perhaps she can take his mind off of those pale pretty things that he seems to run through without a second glance to end up single. Perhaps he's waiting for a her.
she's eating lunch, loosely observing Jagger from afar. her eyes trace the way he engages with his friends, his gestures and such before realizing he's laughing with the boy with the freckles and grill.
Mr. Damn you fine as hell, Mr. Gimme yo number,
Mr, tall, light, and absolutely annoying.
But maybe, just maybe, the boy with the golden mouth can help her out on this one.
.
She runs into him again the next day. Naturally he works in the library.
his arms are stretched putting things on the highest shelf before he pushes his cart down the next aisle, she pretends she hasn't already noticed him, even though she's payed close enough attention to realize his name tag reads Evan not Nav.
when he faces her to put a book away, he looks surprised from her peripheral and says, "Well, well, well if it isn't little Miss Bougie,"
she scoffs.
this time he has no grill and he wears black-framed glasses that suit him very very well. his teeth are bright and perfect.
"I'm starting to think that you're following me, first showing up to my class, now popping up where I work,"
Evan's eyes are low, hazy, clouded, he's high and Tawny refuses to let her mind thoroughly examine how absolutely delicious he looks. She has a plan to execute. When he licks his lips, she's drawn to how plump and pink they are before she internally shakes her head no. he's the journey, not the end goal.
and Tawny is never one to beat around the bush so she says, "you're friends with Jagger?" to make her intentions as transparent as a glass window.
"Oh I see," he mumbles, "a Jagger groupie?"
"I've never been a groupie in my life."
"Damn, guess you're dead then."
"Not funny."
"Wasn't trying to be, but that's beside the point. What you want with my boy, Miss Priss?"
"I want to get to know him."
"And that's code for...?"
"I don't speak in code,"
"Hmm, sure. Listen I'd set you up with 'em but I really don't know much about you other than the obvious."
"And the obvious is...?"
"You have the face of an angel and a body of sin," Evan cheeses wide with all perfect teeth on display again.
"Ugh you are so corny," she mumbles. "But thanks, I guess."
"Woah, listen if you want me to put a good word in, I suggest you start laughing at my jokes no matter how corny they are."
She rolls her eyes.
"I can put a good word in, that's no problems but only when I get to know you a little better. I'm not one to dump my boys off into the hands of any ole body, as I'm sure you can relate when it comes to you and your girls."
"Fair."
"I know. So when should I pick you up?"
"What?"
"What you mean what? I gotta know you better somehow. Let's do it over dinner." He says, giving her a wink and yes, wow, he really is fucking attractive.
She sucks her teeth.
"Seven it is. Be ready by 6:45." He sends another blinding smile and the dimples in his cheeks make crescent indents.
"Yeah, whatever."
YOU ARE READING
GOLDEN MOUTH
Romance"what would you do if a mermaid washed onshore?" his dad would ask. "let her take me away."
