Chaos and Mystery

Chapter 12

Two weeks had passed since the funeral. I changed my shift, on a suggestion from John, so that I spent more time in the shop to help distract myself from the pure grief that I felt. My shift now started later in the morning, after John would already be at work. Which is why it surprised me to find him still at home when I woke up the day before I was going to go back to work.

"Shouldn't you be at work?" I asked, my voice monotonous.

"You're all I care about right now. I'm not going anywhere."

Six months after that, I found myself building a new normal. John had moved out of 221B, but I still did. He didn't ever want to visit the actual flat though because I refused to change anything about it. However, he did take to walking me home from work every evening so that he could keep an eye on how I was doing.

"It's just one night out. Please? Mary thinks it'll help you move on from him."

"I'm not interested in finding someone else. I want him, impossible as it may be."

"One double date. Please? He would've wanted you to find a great love after him."

This was when I began to feel anger beginning to boil inside of me.

"That ship has sailed. I've had my one great love already."

"Don't you want to find someone to be your new knight in shining armor? Someone to rescue you from this tower of seclusion you've got going on?" He asked, his voice raising slightly.

"I'm not a damsel in distress! I'm nothing but a damaged damsel with a broken heart," I argued.

"He would've wanted you to find your soulmate!"

That was where I drew the line.

"Shut up about all that soulmate crap! Don't you get it? I found my soulmate! He was my soulmate..." My voice drew quieter, "and I've lost him."

With that I stormed into 221B, willing myself to disappear into the memories that I had once had with my soulmate.

On the anniversary of his death, I picked up some flowers from a shop and visited his grave. My eyes were red from crying and yet the tears that I had shed earlier the same day still stained my voice. Placing the flowers next to his grave, I began to speak with my tear-stained voice.

"Hey, Sherlock." I felt myself break a little as I said his name, but I stayed strong, "I-I miss you. I'm...I'm surviving, though living without you has been the most challenging thing I've ever had to face. Yes, that includes my social anxiety."

I gave a soft chuckle before continuing.

"John's got a girlfriend, one who he's in a serious relationship with. She's really nice and is patient with both of us, especially me since I can't seem to move on from you. I've tried to go out with people, but no one is you. No one can replace you. And even after a year of not being able to see your handsome face or hear your amazing voice...I'm still in love with you."