I didn't think I could live without you

i cant live without you, or so i thought. its getting worse and there's nothing i can do about it. this illness is taking over our lives and its getting very overwhelming, but staring into your hazel eyes and seeing your smile is what's keeping me here with you.

there's so much i want to do with you by my side and act like you aren't holding me back. i want to help you get better, i really do but its getting tough.

i took you out in the snow for what originally was to get a break and spend some time with you outside the hospital room. watching you struggle to pick up the snow and throw it back is what broke my heart. 

so just like that, a split second decision.

 "look up" she said, i looked up at the sky as she breathlessly muttered her final words, "that's where i want to be" as she faded away in my arms. 

now six months on, and now your gone. all because of me.