The Color Of Me

Letter to my Ex

Dear,

Love of my life...

So, this is the first birthday that you missed, do you care? Did you think about me? Did you silently wish me a happy birthday? I miss you. I hate that. Why can I move on like you did? Please tell me you didn't actually move on and what I see is just a front. Please, tell me you don't love her. Yes, I know I sound selfish and rude and mean. But how could you love someone other than me? I stay up every night, and i think about you, (damn that sounds creepy) I think about what our life would be like. I replay all my favorite memories of us over and over again until I fall asleep. I'm crying right now because, I just hate how things turned out. I just don't get it. If we weren't meant to be then why did the very mention of your name ignite butterflies in my stomach? Did you feel it too? Or was it just me? Oh my God, I miss you so much. I just want to look at you and not instantly look away because I'm scared of how you'll react. I'm scared that instead of a smile I'll get a stank face. I'm scared. I'm so scared, I'm scared to know the truth. I'm scared to know all the answers to these questions. I'm scared that you don't love me anymore. Even if we aren't together, I just want you in my life, because I'm barely holding on without you. When I said I couldn't live without you I meant it. And I'm on the border line of insanity right now. I look at all the people around you and I just wonder if they know you. I wonder if they notice you. I wonder if they notice your fake smile from your real. I wonder if they know that when your nose twitches your about to cry. I wonder if they know that when you zone out every few minutes that you just need a hug. I wonder if they know all the notes and letters you write to yourself at 2:00 in the morning. I wonder if they know about your panic attacks. I wonder. I'm sorry if I'm rambling, it's just a lot on my mind right now. Friday, I went through my old backpack and I found this old note you gave me. And it was so sweet, and you were saying how much you loved me, and your fav memory of me and you were when me met. And at the end you said "I wuuuvvvvv youuu" and I just cried so hard because I remember when you loved me like that. Do you still do? Do you thinks about me like I think about you? Does she hold you when you need to be held? Does she kiss you like I did? Does she kiss you better than me? Does she cuddle you at night, because you sleep better that way? Does she know your favorite color? Is she better than me? Does she make you happy? Do you love her? Does she love you?

You don't have to answer them, I don't really know I'd want to know the answer. I don't know if I'm going to give this to you (most likely I'm not) but, I love you so fucking much. I miss you, and I just hope your okay. I love you Galaxy...

Sincerely,

Somebody you used to once love (maybe idk)

—

I was crying the whole time I was writing this...uggghhh.

So this is basically a letter to my ex.

Should I give it to her? Or just keep it for myself and cry to it?

Love you all!

~Funnybugg