44. devasting news on tour

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⚠️SELF HARM⚠️

Jades Pov
We had just finished the final show of the first week of tour and we were all so happy. It was always one of the most fun experiences we get to have together and I love every part of it. Me and the girls were sat alone just the 4 of us in the second lounge area. We had all decided on a movie and jesy and Leigh were making popcorn in the kitchen. My mam started calling me do I went my bunk and I quickly answered since I hadn't spoke to her since early yesterday morning.

When I answered the phone soemthing automatically didn't feel right. She had been crying and her voice was so dull.

N: hi Jadey
JT: hi. Whats wrong
N: this might come as a bit of a shock
JT: what just please say
N: your grandad has passed away
JT: no no no
N: he had a sudden heart attack earlier this morning and passed in the afternoon
JT: its not fair
N: I know jadey i know
JT: I couldn't even say goodbye or have my final words with him or have him watch another performance
N: we will all get through this. But u have to promise me something
JT: anything
N: u cant nlock everyone out and u have to share your feelings. I know its hard but u will do stupid things if u bottle it all up
JT: I know
N: anyways i have to phone Karl
JT: okay I love u
N: love u to Jadey

I came off the phone to my mam and I just burst into tears. I didn't feel like having a movie night with the girls now and was just going to stay in my room and go to sleep. If I hadn't of joined littlemmix or went away on tour I could of said goodbye and spoke to him through his last hours. Instead I was here without a clue in the world.

It had been 20 minutes before Jesy came in to check I was alright. They were probably still waiting for me to start the movie however I wasn't ready to share yet. Instead I pretended I had fell asleep and luckily she believed it.

Jesys Pov
Jade must of been tired falling asleep that quickly. She looked as though she had tears on her face but i think it is because of how much she misses her mam. I tell Perrie and Leigh and we watch a different movie that we have all watched before so Jade isn't missing out on anything.

Jades Pov
I could here the girls laughing in the other room but the only thing on my mind was my grandad. I had old photos of the pair of us on my phone and they made me want one of his hugs even more. I needed to get rid of all this pain and the only way I could think of doing it was causing physical pain to block out the emotional stuff. I quietly made my way to the bathroom and went to mine and Leighs end of it. I found my razor and I cut long and deep until I was satisfied with the pain it was causing.

After I was finished I rinsed it and put abandage on before going to my room it was the most nicest feeling touching my arm and the pain it brought me. After I decided to just go to sleep as I felt like I now had less on my mind.

Perries pov
I saw the light in the bathroom and I now wasn't convinced Jade was asleep and I was sure she was just trying to avoid people. I got up off the sofa and went to the bunks. She was lay in her bed her eyes closed but I could tell she was awake.

P: Jade i know your awake baba
JT: yeah
P: Yeah what is wrong
JT: I miss my mam
P: I know u do but talking about it helps
JT: I looked at some stuff and I feel better now anyways
P: okay good I will see u later
JT: yeah bye

L: whats wrong with Jade
P: She misses her mam
L: why didn't she say anything
P: I don't know but I think she is better now
JN: do we have interviews tomorrow
P: Yeha but there later at like 2
L: we will probably end up being woke up early anyways
P: yeah we should probably go to sleep
JN: yeah night girls
L: love use

The next day
Jades pov
I woke up and the first thing that came back to my mind was grandad. I just needed it all to go away and to stop getting so upset about it. I went back to the bathroom and I dropped the razor in the bath however I couldn't here footsteps. So I started cutting and the blood ran down my arms and into the bath. It felt so relieving but I just couldn't stop.

Leighannes pov
I woke up to something banging and I didn't know what it was. Then I relaisd it was coming form the bathroom. After I saw Jades bunk empty so went to the bathroom to find her. She bottles things up and doesn't let go and considering she was upset last night I hope she isn't harming like she used to

I will have to make a part 2 for this :) x

Question: what time is it where u r when u r reading this

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