trigger warning: physical/ verbal abuse
flashback
after running for what seemed like an hour, drenched in rain. i arrived to my house. all the lights were off, i reached under the mat for the spare key. headlights zooming down the road. i'm shaking trying to put in the key. i see ryan slamming his car door, pacing towards me. i open the door slamming it and reaching for the lock.
i slid down the door sobbing. what did i do to deserve this? why wasn't i good enough for him just to love me? all i hear is pounding on the door.
"SAGE! I KNOW YOU ARE IN THERE!" i hear ryan screaming in between the pounds against the door.
end of flashback
"sage, sage." i hear mr. gitten saying
"sorry, i spaced out." i state looking at him
" it's alright, we all have those days, but if you are going to be taking ap english i need your attention on the class." he says sternly looking at me.
" yes i understand i'm sorry."
i feel everyone's eyes on me. i look over to see not just ginny or maxines eyes on me but marcus's. he's looking at me as if he's worried. i give him a small smile looking back at the teacher.
"so you all were handed a page of books we will be reading this year, i want you to start with the great gatsby, tonight's assignment is to read chapter 1 and write 2 paragraphs explaining what has occurred in the chapter. understood?"
"yes." i hear some classmates respond.
"now for the rest of the class i will need you all to.."
Flashback
i'm sitting there, at the door. sobbing, wondering how my mother hasn't heard ryan pounding on the door. he has been doing it for 5 minutes straight yelling "now you want to hide" or "come out you little slut we need to talk". and after that, it stops. i hear a car speed away. i slowly look out the peephole to see he's gone.
*ding*
message from: ryan <3
i open the message to read "i'll be back."
im scared. i can't do this anymore. i hate feeling like..
end of flashback
*RING*
all the students quickly shove things into their book bags, ready to go home since it's the last period of the day. i grab my great gatsby book softly placing it in my book bag, zipping it up and throwing it over my shoulder. i go to grab my purse off the floor but somebody beat me to it.
"hey, you okay?" i recognize the voice, it's marcus.
"ya i'm okay, long day." i say looking at him in the eyes.
"your eyes are watering." he says looking at me with concern. he reaches to wipe a single tear falling from my left eye but i do it quickly, grabbing my purse from his hands.
"i'm okay marcus, was just thinking about some deep shit." i say with a laugh. that's what i do. i laugh things off so people can't see my pain. but marcus didn't laugh.
"i'm here if you want to talk." he says putting a hand softly on my shoulder causing me to flinch. he realizes my sudden change in mood went from sadness to fear.
"am i taking you and maxine home? i'm ready to get out of this place." i say with a little laugh. trying to play it off that i just flinched when he tried to touch me.
"just me, maxine has auditions for some play at school." he says looking me deep in the eyes. you can tell he's concerned.
"is your girlfriend going to be okay with that? she gave me a couple dirty looks this morning when she saw me." i say looking right into his eyes. if there's one thing i don't want to do it's get in between somebody relationship.
"ya she will be fine." he says clearly not wanting to talk about her.
"well alright then." i say walking out of gittens class making sure to tell him i'm sorry for spacing out during class. he simply just reply's with a, that's okay just make sure it isn't everyday.
walking out of school i get stares from people. i always got stares at my old school. boys looking at my chest, simply objectifying me with their eyes. i cross my arms in sudden discomfort.
we reach the car, unlocking it with my right hand. i throw my book bag and purse onto the back seat, looking over to see marcus starring at me.
"what, do i have something on my face? i say to him looking at the mirror in my car.
"nope." he says plainly
" then what is it?" i say looking at him
"it's nothing, let's go pick up chase." he says looking away, changing the conversation.
driving to get chase, i felt safe just driving with marcus while the music played at a comfortable volume. we didn't talk that much, but it was a comfortable silence, not awkward. i felt comfortable around him. but not comfortable enough to tell him about my past.
after picking up chase, he talked the entire way home about school and how he made so many new friends. which caused marcus and i to laugh, i'm just glad marcus doesn't find chase annoying because that kid talks a lot.
"thanks for the ride." marcus says to me picking up his book bag from in between his feet.
"anytime, neighbor." i say with a soft smile causing him to smile.
"same time tomorrow morning?" he says closing the car door leaning against the window
"same time tomorrow." i say to him with a big smile.
"see ya kid." he says to chase making chase smile big.
"see you tomorrow marcus!" chase shouts to him.
marcus turns around before heading into his house giving a another soft salute, causing a small giggle slip from my mouth and me returning the hand gesture.
walking into my house i see my mom standing at the kitchen window with a huge smile on her face.
"why are you so smiley." i ask her
"oh nothing, just think you have a little crush on that kid." she says looking at me with a smirk
"what? no." i say to her causing her to laugh
"okay sage." she says giving me the salute marcus does.
"oh shut up." i say laughing my way upstairs.
after getting home once again from the car dealership i'm back in my room. i look at myself in the mirror. picking out my flaws. i have a new pimple on my cheek, i look bloated when all i ate today was a granola bar with water. i walk over to my dresser to pull out a pair of sweatpants and then walk over to my closet to grab an oversized hoodie to cover my body. i pass by my bedroom window to see marcus with ginny.
something catches my eye, they were fighting. from what i can see looked like screaming. marcus is sitting on his bed with his hands on his face and ginny is yelling at him. she then, storms out of the room slamming the door behind her.
"yikes.." i say to myself.
i pull out my great gatsby book and begin to do the english homework, because the last thing i want mr.gitten to think is that i take school as a joke. i've always been good at school, i don't enjoy it. but i just tell myself if i want to get into college i need to stay focused.
as i'm writing down the summary of the chapter i hear a little knock on my door to see my mom walking in with a bowl a fruit and a water.
"here." she says sitting the bowl on the night stand.
"so what's up?" she asks me sitting on the end of my bed.
"just doing my homework." i say looking up at her.
"no sage, what's wrong." she says putting her hand on my knee, causing me to yet again, flinch.
she realizes and pulls her hand away.
"again?" she asks
"yup mom, again" i say looking at her with tears in my eyes.
"i'm so sorry that boy did such terrible things to you and i didn't realize sooner." she says looking at me now with tears in her eyes.
"me too mom, me too." i say going in for a hug.
and that's when it all comes out. all the pain and fear i feel just came pouring out. i cried and cried on my moms shoulder.
"hey." my mom says turning my head to face her.
"that boy is going to get what's coming for him." she says looking me right in the eyes.
"i know mom, i know" i say looking at her while wiping my tears.
"now get ur school work done and go to bed, it's already 10. i love you" she says kissing me on the forehead and walks out of my room slowly closing the door.
after finishing all my assignments, it was already around 11. so i got up, went into my bathroom, removed all my makeup, took out my contacts, threw my hair into a bun and i hear a
*ding*
i get nervous, could it be ryan? i don't remember giving my number to anyone who lives her. i nervously walk over to my bed grabbing my phone to see
*maybe: marcus baker*
i let out a small laugh and open the text message.
marcus: howdy neighbor
me: marcus, how did you get number lol
marcus: remember when i took your phone this morning?
me: smooth marcus, i will give you that.
marcus hasn't answered my message in 5 mins so i'm thinking maybe he just went to bed. so i set my alarm and place my phone on my nightstand.
i hear a heavy footstep against my floor which immediately causes me to sit up. my first thought is, ryan. how did he find me? how did he knows which room was mine? how long has he been watching me?
i grab my glasses and look, it's marcus. what is this kid doin-
"hey." is all he says as he sits on the edge of my bed.
"sneaking into peoples houses now? you know that's a crime." i say with a laugh
"so this is your room now, all decorated." he says looking around at my records and plants.
"yes sir." i say with a smile looking around with him.
"so what's so important you had to sneak into my room at what 12 in the morning?" i ask with a laugh looking up to see him starring at me
i feel comfortable with him, with ryan i could never be around him without makeup because he would pick out every single one of my flaws.
"just wanted to see you." he says looking me right in the eyes which causes me to smile.
"and i wanted to talk to you about something because i don't know why but i just feel like i could tell you anything."
those words make my heart race. i've never been the person somebody can come to for anything so it makes me happy.
"here sit." i say patting the spot next to me
he walks over to the spot sitting in a direction where we can look at eachother
"what's up?" i ask him. i can tell somethings on his mind.
"ginny and i got into a fight, i think we broke up." he says to me. i could see the tears forming in his eyes and i could just tell he needed someone to talk to.
"if you don't mind me asking, what happened." i say not wanting to over stepping my grounds.
"i found out she has been texting her ex boyfriend hunter, and when i confronted her about it. she said that she thinks her and i rushed things by getting into a relationship so soon after they broke up." he says as a tear falls from his eye.
i just hug him, i know that feeling of not thinking your good enough for someone and i never want someone to feel that way.
i think he was surprised by me just hugging him, maybe he thought i was just going to say i'm sorry that happened, but then i realized he hugged me back. tighter than i was hugging him.
"i'm sorry marcus. i know what you're going through." i say trying to comfort him the best way i can.
he pulls away from the hug and looks at me dead in the eyes, his eyes are a little puffy and he says,
"you do?"
i sit there for a moment conflicting with myself as to if i tell him about ryan. he had the heart to come over here and tell me about ginny because he trusted me, and i genuinely think i can trust him.
"i do marcus, my ex boyfriend did many things to me that made me feel as if i wasn't good enough, or if i wasn't the first choice."
i think he spotted that i said "did many things to me" because he looks angry or worried for me.
"what do you mean he did things to you?" he asks putting his hand on mine.
"ryan, that's his name. it started with verbal abuse, him calling me a slut or other things. then it went to physical abuse. he would hit me, or choke me to hard during sex so it would leave my neck bruised." i say as a single tear falls down my face.
marcus looks shocked, he looks pissed off. he looks at me, wipes the tear off my cheek.
we sit there in silence for about thirty seconds, just looking at each other.
marcus begins to look from my eyes to my lips, slowly. he puts his right hand on my face, i don't flinch. i feel safe this close to him. i look from his soft eyes to his softer lips. and with that, i've had enough. i kiss him. his soft lips against mine, moving in perfect harmony. it's not an intense make out session, it's soft, gentle. soft enough to show us both that we don't need to rush anything, that we have time.
when we pull away, i have no regrets. and i can tell by the smile growing on his face he doesn't either.
"you should getting going." i say with a smile
"ya i should." he states, the smile still plastered on his face.
"one more?" he asks looking at me
"one more." i say looking at his lips.
he gives me a soft kiss, gets up from my bed and walks over to the window
"goodnight sage" he says giving me that little salute like he always does.
"goodnight marcus." i say with the biggest smile on my face.
