The pain you give is my salvation

Prologue

Being the fiance of Gojou Satoru wasn't always easy. Though I believe this to be self- explanatory, I think I should elaborate a little about what I'm actually meaning with this:

Neither were the enemies to laugh at that I had to face because of him, nor the amount of hate that the people put on me for experiencing their hardships. But if it were only that, we wouldn't be in this pinch right now, wouldn't we?

Because the most shittiest thing about being Gojou's fiance was nothing less than that he didn't love me. And it hurt. It sucked. I hated it so much.
I won't deny that there wasn't a time were I was in love with him, but that was ages ago, now the only thing that's been keeping me to go forward were my students, friends and the bare minimum of affection Gojou showed because of the guilt he felt... though up to the recent nights I wouldn't even call it guilt anymore, he'd just fuck me out of frustration and anger without ever realising how I felt... and I hated it. Why couldn't I reject him?! Was I weak? Was I dumb?

I knew that Gojou hated me, so why did he keep on giving me hope, keep on giving me this fake affection and most of all, if he hated it so much, why didn't he put an end to this?! We were friends, aren't I at least worth enough to not make me suffer?!

Oh.

Maybe I still do love him a little if I get angry about these things...
.
.
.

Oh it hurt to see. So very fucking much. It may sound weird, especially since that is coming from me, but considering it did happen I guess there's still hope for me.
I loved her. And I still do. So much that it hurts in my chest and that I feel like throwing up every time I see her with him. I knew she loved Gojou, and it was too obvious to not notice, but sometimes I wish it wouldn't. I fell in love. Love at first sight or rather love at first fight in my case.
She was so elegant and gracious by the way she moved, swung those chains that were attached to her sleeve and how she dodged that spirits every move. It was fascinating. Even at my delicate age of 27 was my first love an experience I'd never thought I would ever feel. And it was horrifying.

Worrying about someone that only considers you to be a friend, watching them fall in love with someone else and even to the point where you give them advice to be the good friend they expect you to be- it's not like I never felt pain befor, but this one was different. I'd rather be cut and hung upside- down 300 times than to see her crying another time because of him, but yet here we are...

"Izumi?!"

There she stood. Shortly after midnight was she waiting in her completely soaked nightgown because of the heavy rain, sitting in front of my door, but it was obvious by the way she trembled, her shaky voice and those reddened eyes that something must have happened again.
"P- please help me Nanami... I'm begging you, please!"